Emotional plea bargaining

[Deleted member 65988]

After i saw the post of the wealthy philanthropist who jumped yesterday and went out on his own terms, I came across this story about a cop who talked a guy out of jumping. The cop then broke down, possibly from seeing someone where he once was. Now as much as it was a good thing for the guy to get talked of it due the whole process leading up to wanting to ctb was not fully thorough in assessment and maybe needed to be reminded that he isnt alone, I'm well past any stage of emotional plea bargaining from anyone. Even if my mom and brothers told me they needed me then that'd be a selfish reason, because it's easier to have me around for their benefit, they'd just be making it about themselves and what they want while I, I would rather exercise my autonomy to exit this world that I wish to no longer be burdened by. Even long before I accumulated all the necessary resources to ctb, I repeatedly asked myself that if this is what I want and that I could always turn back if I wanted to but what would there be to turn back for to make it worth considering all my efforts to ctb effectively?

More disappointment, more loss,more suffering from health and financial problems, more resentment, more violence and corruption, more problems, more of the same things over and over and over and over again. I'd rather save myself the trouble of going through that for decades only to die from a likely unpleasant death. More of the same pointless shit which just happens because I happen to be alive.

With that being said, does anyone feel like they are past this stage of emotional plea bargain from anyone at all in all the world that would even try.

NYPD cop breaks down in tears after talking suicidal man down from Manhattan overpass

“Life is beautiful. The sun is beautiful. You are beautiful, man,” Fayette tells him. “Please don’t give up on me brother.”

nypost.com

 

[Yaffle]

Whatever method I choose I won't be doing it anywhere somebody can try a stop me. To "attempt" CTB in public smacks of a cry for help and that's truly fine if somebody wants help but not for me.

I intend to only be found dead.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm too far gone now to be helped, and I don't want to be helped anyway.
Even if I won the lottery I would still want to die.
I seek nothing more from this world except death.

 

[tiger b]

I strongly doubt that anyone could say anything to me that I wouldn't have considered before ctb.

"The sun is beautiful"...not sure I can engage with that level of moronity.

 

[アホペンギン]

I don't think I could've ever been saved, actually. I was always beyond being saved, ever since the first suicidal thoughts appeared, I knew this.

Those around me have tried numerous times to guilt trip me into staying but I never acknowledged what they wanted, since I knew that in the case of me staying, it'd only be beneficial to them to preserve their own egos and to prevent themselves from suffering.

Now that I think about it, I don't even think they guilt tripped me properly, they told me my problems, the root causes of said problems were seen by their own eyes, are nonexistent. Invalidating an individual for their personal problems isn't the most effective way to keep them alive… that's what was done to me.

Despite all of this I do believe that there could be a chance for me, but this chance rides on one person's ability to save themselves and I only trust that person to help me. Though, this chance would only be short-term because of the risk of developing a debilitating mental illness which would lessen the quality of my life considerably, as if it wasn't already bad.

And I don't think any random stranger like that would have any good advice to give me. For example, telling someone about how the world is beautiful doesn't seem like a convincing reason to stay alive, I wouldn't be able to engage with such comments in the first place.
I have eyes, the world sucks.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I strongly doubt that anyone could say anything to me that I wouldn't have considered before ctb.

"The sun is beautiful"...not sure I can engage with that level of moronity.

Yeah see things like that don't make sense and what's so beautiful about a massive ball of gas that's slowly killing you too, causing cancer in the long run.

but this chance rides on one person's ability to save themselves and I only trust that person to help me

So there is a specific person who could help you?

 

[gbi2]

I strongly doubt that anyone could say anything to me that I wouldn't have considered before ctb.

"The sun is beautiful"...not sure I can engage with that level of moronity.

This is the thing with what has happened to me. People talk to me as if I haven't thought of things. It's like they think I woke up one day and thought I just can't be bothered any more. They tell me things to try and I tell them I know about that and have tried it but what happens when it doesn't work? What is their advice when everything they have told me to do, I have already done and either someone else has messed it up for me, or it just didn't work anyway. This is the problem with all the help. It just assumes you haven't tried, which probably means people think you are just a bit weak.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

This is the thing with what has happened to me. People talk to me as if I haven't thought of things. It's like they think I woke up one day and thought I just can't be bothered any more. They tell me things to try and I tell them I know about that and have tried it but what happens when it doesn't work? What is their advice when everything they have told me to do, I have already done and either someone else has messed it up for me, or it just didn't work anyway. This is the problem with all the help. It just assumes you haven't tried, which probably means people think you are just a bit weak.

That's exactly what they think, that you woke up and decided its enough but now it's up to them to tell you there's still more you haven't considered.

 

[FuneralCry]

People who do that just make me hate existence even more. I cannot stand delusional pro-lifers who try and push their life worshipping into other people, I hate people who are against the right to die and believe that people must continue to suffer instead, it's repulsive.
The thing is that other people's decisions simply aren't theirs to make, it's none of their business, just because they see death as the worst thing ever doesn't mean that everyone else should have to continue suffering.

We all have our right to die anyway, and to me only ceasing to exist is ideal to prevent all future unnecessary suffering in this existence that there was never a need for in the first place.

I'd always prefer to cease existing in my case and it only feels rational wishing for death as existence is undeniably so hellish and harmful with no limit as to how much one can suffer.
Going on about how life is "beautiful" really is just insane to me as there is nothing beautiful about how existing beings have been tormented all throughout history in this futile existence, all that existence does is cause harm so for me death is a relief, I really do hate pro-lifers.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

This is the thing with what has happened to me. People talk to me as if I haven't thought of things. It's like they think I woke up one day and thought I just can't be bothered any more. They tell me things to try and I tell them I know about that and have tried it but what happens when it doesn't work? What is their advice when everything they have told me to do, I have already done and either someone else has messed it up for me, or it just didn't work anyway. This is the problem with all the help. It just assumes you haven't tried, which probably means people think you are just a bit weak.

Nicely said. I get furious about that...

 

[アホペンギン]

So there is a specific person who could help you?

Yes. They are the only person who I trust to help me, and they are one of the only people who I trust in general.

 

[gbi2]

That's exactly what they think, that you woke up and decided its enough but now it's up to them to tell you there's still more you haven't considered.

Nicely said. I get furious about that...

I know there is some thing among therapists where they say to reduce 'clutter' in your home and it will help you function and I think the ones who first saw this as the problem were legitimately helping people, but then others who don't really manage to understand the situations they are dealing with, just default to 'clutter' as their diagnosis, but if they had listened properly to the sufferer they would have noticed the clutter came as a result of the problems, not caused the problems. This then makes the therapist as difficult to deal with as the people who caused the life problems for the sufferer.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Going on about how life is "beautiful" really is just insane to me as there is nothing beautiful about how existing beings have been tormented all throughout history in this futile existence, all that existence does is cause harm so for me death is a relief, I really do hate pro-lifers.

In this case, FC, I guess they going on about the little things are supposed to make up for all the suffering, that's it's still beautiful and worth holding onto.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Actually, I think even a strangers emotional reaction would be enough to stop me. Not because they would change my mind or somehow make me want to live but because I don't want to traumatize anyone. That's why I'd avoid a public method- where I could potentially be stopped and I wouldn't tell anyone of my plans. I want to wait till the person who I feel would be most upset by it goes first too.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Actually, I think even a strangers emotional reaction would be enough to stop me. Not because they would change my mind or somehow make me want to live but because I don't want to traumatize anyone. That's why I'd avoid a public method- where I could potentially be stopped and I wouldn't tell anyone of my plans. I want to wait till the person who I feel would be most upset by it goes first too.

Ah fair point to be honest, that's why I completely avoided the idea of a public suicide because a few years ago, there was a guy who hung over the bridge on the highway, everyone saw it and yeah it was definitely hard on people to see that. Some reactions on the Internet were off disbelief but also heartache too.

This is also why I haven't considered jumping either because it's more in the public side eye and you never know when someone could walk by and see you. I just couldn't risk being seen so SN is more covert that way. I guess I also didn't want my name and face all over social media, for people to now care that I exist and look up any info on me that they could potentially use to cause unnecessary issues towards my family.

 

[Photographer Fizzle]

Whatever method I choose I won't be doing it anywhere somebody can try a stop me. To "attempt" CTB in public smacks of a cry for help and that's truly fine if somebody wants help but not for me.

I intend to only be found dead.

I've been wondering that for and about myself.
Still, I want to see the sunset on the beach as the last thing before I die. I keep suffering through the nightmare scenario of dying in this awful, cruel, invalidating house.