Venting Emotional Flood

[willitpass]

I'm getting hit with a lot of emotions right now. Anticipatory grief for myself. I haven't been able to cry in weeks. I've been numb. Right now I'm crying. Crying about the good things I'll leave behind. The amazing people who I love and who love me. Crying about the pain I'll be causing. Crying about the things that mental illness stole from me throughout my life. Crying because this isn't the way I wanted things to go even though I've known it would be the way things would go for years now. Life is unfair. Life is a bitch.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm so sorry.

 

[CatLvr]

I haven't "known" you long but you are one of the good ones. One of the people this world will be a lesser place without you in it. I will be the first to admit that I don't want you to go. But ... How selfish is that of me?? I could NEVER ask you to remain here one second longer than you absolutely have to given the pain and suffering you have already endured??

The fact that even with all the pain you are in you worried about those you will leave behind is a testament to the good, kind person you are. I am honored to call you a friend and will miss you when you are gone, but I will also be happy for you. Happy that the last time you close your eyes you can rest easy and KNOW you fought the good fight; that you TRIED everything (like your sig line says); and that you don't hurt any longer. THAT is more than worth any pain I will endure from the loss of you. Be at peace, my friend and know you are loved, whether you think you are worthy or not (and for the record, you ARE worthy).