Emotional Flashbacks and discovering virtual EMDR

[Final Escape]

I had the intense suicidal ideation a little while ago but like I just came back out of it. I could tell I was in a flashback but it doesn't lessen that feeling like it will never end. You become completely inflexible, rigid in thinking, maybe even angry. I don't know what triggered it off but they have increased in frequency. I get them about once a day now. Most often when I'm laying down to go to bed.

I found this program online today. I was searching for an EMDR therapist because obviously I'm really not well lately. So I found a do it yourself guided EMDR that is affordable and tried it out today. The nice thing about this is u can get unlimited amount of self therapy and it guides you through like a therapist would. It asks u questions and gets your focus on the target issue or issues. It's called virtual EMDR and for a month unlimited it's $69 which is affordable compared to if u had to go to an actual EMDR therapist. It's like up to $200 per session and u only can do it when u are at the therapist. You need a lot of sessions when u have complex PTSD to start to feel relief.

So far I noticed I haven't even thought about smoking weed which normally at this time I'm smoking because it's a ritual in the evening to relax myself and numb out. I realize it's bad and I've wanted to stop but because I'm dealing with these painful emotional flashbacks. I'll let u guys know if this improved anything in the coming days and weeks.

 

[braketimez]

In a search for "EMDR" I ran across your post. Has the EMDR been helping?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Ooh, I'm set to start EMDR at some point too.

Please keep us updated. In a book I read on trauma, the author noted that a patient was able to terminate therapy after 8 sessions of EMDR, so perhaps things will improve quicker than you think. Just note that this patient's recovery time was remarkably quick - but it still seems worth mentioning.

Good luck. :)

 

[rebelsue]

i have complex ptsd too and this seems like something i might try, wow thank you for sharing it. I had tried EMDR with a therapist once but me and the therapist did not get along from the beginning. It was a personality clash and it did NOT end well. I never tried EMDR again. But I think it wasn't necessarily EMDR's fault, it was the fact that I did not trust the therapist. I didn't get deep enough into it to see if it would work.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I've done my first two sessions in as many days. Talk about intense! I'm sure things will change soon but facing this stuff rather than being numb is not fun. It doesn't go away once I revisit it all. I do love the fact that I get to write and do it as often as I can. I'm probably going to aim for once a day. And I think this option is heaps better for me than any kind of live therapist to whom I'd just chat and vent. That gets me nowhere. I think I might use ctb in one session to see if my brain can't be rewired against it. Who knows....?

 

[sufferingalways]

I had the intense suicidal ideation a little while ago but like I just came back out of it. I could tell I was in a flashback but it doesn't lessen that feeling like it will never end. You become completely inflexible, rigid in thinking, maybe even angry. I don't know what triggered it off but they have increased in frequency. I get them about once a day now. Most often when I'm laying down to go to bed.

I found this program online today. I was searching for an EMDR therapist because obviously I'm really not well lately. So I found a do it yourself guided EMDR that is affordable and tried it out today. The nice thing about this is u can get unlimited amount of self therapy and it guides you through like a therapist would. It asks u questions and gets your focus on the target issue or issues. It's called virtual EMDR and for a month unlimited it's $69 which is affordable compared to if u had to go to an actual EMDR therapist. It's like up to $200 per session and u only can do it when u are at the therapist. You need a lot of sessions when u have complex PTSD to start to feel relief.

So far I noticed I haven't even thought about smoking weed which normally at this time I'm smoking because it's a ritual in the evening to relax myself and numb out. I realize it's bad and I've wanted to stop but because I'm dealing with these painful emotional flashbacks. I'll let u guys know if this improved anything in the coming days and weeks.

Hi, someone suggested this to me (i have complex ptsd too) but never really explained what it's all about. Anyone able to shed some light on it please?

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Anyone able to shed some light on it please?

Here's the site I found and have done three sessions through: Virtual EMDR. They have good tech/emotional support but the site explains almost everything.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I've done my first two sessions in as many days. Talk about intense!

Two sessions in two days!? That's incredibly intense. I hope you're coping well; I would probably be incredibly dysphoric and suicidal. Please take care.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Two sessions in two days!? That's incredibly intense. I hope you're coping well; I would probably be incredibly dysphoric and suicidal. Please take care.

Actually, I finished my third just now. My three-day trial is done. I'm going to do it everyday for a month and see what happens (I'm not expecting miracles). I'm drained again from sobbing so much and have another migraine. Which is convenient; I'm going to take something for the headache and snooze (like I have for three days haha). I'm not working now and basically just making my Exit Plan. I have the time and the means to go through this now. Dysphoric. That captures it well!

Thanks for the support

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Actually, I finished my third just now. My three-day trial is done. I'm going to do it everyday for a month and see what happens (I'm not expecting miracles). I'm drained again from sobbing so much and have another migraine. Which is convenient; I'm going to take something for the headache and snooze (like I have for three days haha). I'm not working now and basically just making my Exit Plan. I have the time and the means to go through this now. Dysphoric. That captures it well!

Thanks for the support

Of course. Please be careful, it would be terrible if you ended up really hurting yourself, like retraumatization. I really hope this isn't causing nightmares or anything and you have peaceful snoozes.

Does making your exit plan help?

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Of course. Please be careful, it would be terrible if you ended up really hurting yourself, like retraumatization. I really hope this isn't causing nightmares or anything and you have peaceful snoozes.

Does making your exit plan help?

It's funny but the PTSD I'm going through now is just as intense as it used to be, but it's over different issues. Before I had ECT it was sexual abuse flashbacks I was dealing with. This time around the issues are different. Just as intense but different images. I'm retraumatised in that I'm going through flight/fight/denial/self-harm that comes with it. But it's not the same as though I was faced with the person who molested me. That would be a different story. I'm blaming this on Lockdown, COVID panic and hoping that this EMDR might make a dent in it. If not, I have Plan X...

Making my Plan just engages the Research Geek in me. I think I have everything covered. Except my nerves and the little (childish) voice that's feeding me lies that things will change. I hate that voice. It lies

 

[BitterlyAlive]

It's funny but the PTSD I'm going through now is just as intense as it used to be, but it's over different issues. Before I had ECT it was sexual abuse flashbacks I was dealing with. This time around the issues are different. Just as intense but different images. I'm retraumatised in that I'm going through flight/fight/denial/self-harm that comes with it. But it's not the same as though I was faced with the person who molested me. That would be a different story. I'm blaming this on Lockdown, COVID panic and hoping that this EMDR might make a dent in it. If not, I have Plan X...

Making my Plan just engages the Research Geek in me. I think I have everything covered. Except my nerves and the little (childish) voice that's feeding me lies that things will change. I hate that voice. It lies

I'm really sorry, you've been through a hell of a lot. I'm glad that solidifying your plan seems to help in a way. I wish you peace and luck with whatever you choose to do, mate.

 

[K-O]

It's funny but the PTSD I'm going through now is just as intense as it used to be, but it's over different issues. Before I had ECT it was sexual abuse flashbacks I was dealing with. This time around the issues are different. Just as intense but different images. I'm retraumatised in that I'm going through flight/fight/denial/self-harm that comes with it. But it's not the same as though I was faced with the person who molested me. That would be a different story. I'm blaming this on Lockdown, COVID panic and hoping that this EMDR might make a dent in it. If not, I have Plan X...

Making my Plan just engages the Research Geek in me. I think I have everything covered. Except my nerves and the little (childish) voice that's feeding me lies that things will change. I hate that voice. It lies

thanks for sharing. i relate a lot. will check it out. rest dear. x

 

[sufferingalways]

Here's the site I found and have done three sessions through: Virtual EMDR. They have good tech/emotional support but the site explains almost everything.

Hi it just reverts to post here.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Hi it just reverts to post here.

Second Time's a Charm? Virtual EMDR

 

[sufferingalways]

It's funny but the PTSD I'm going through now is just as intense as it used to be, but it's over different issues. Before I had ECT it was sexual abuse flashbacks I was dealing with. This time around the issues are different. Just as intense but different images. I'm retraumatised in that I'm going through flight/fight/denial/self-harm that comes with it. But it's not the same as though I was faced with the person who molested me. That would be a different story. I'm blaming this on Lockdown, COVID panic and hoping that this EMDR might make a dent in it. If not, I have Plan X...

Making my Plan just engages the Research Geek in me. I think I have everything covered. Except my nerves and the little (childish) voice that's feeding me lies that things will change. I hate that voice. It lies

Hugs xx So sorry to hear that you suffered that too. I was 4 when bastard father started.. so much screwed up in here.. could fill a book to vent and share, (planning one, it's waiting for more input) and as you say covid bollocks adds so much more pain.

Second Time's a Charm? Virtual EMDR

Thank you I bookmarked it ;-)

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Hugs xx So sorry to hear that you suffered that too. I was 4 when bastard father started.. so much screwed up in here.. could fill a book to vent and share, (planning one, it's waiting for more input) and as you say covid bollocks adds so much more pain.


Thank you I bookmarked it ;-)

Thanks for the support

I was molested by a grandfather but I've repressed it. Not to fear! A few other men did it when I was older so I have fresh memories to lean back on /s

I was told to write a book but I can't. The people who I would need to include in the book are still alive and revered by everyone around them. I'm just the crazy twit with a big mouth and even bigger imagination. Some of the stuff I could write though would make for some pretty amazing reading. I've been through pretty unbelievable sh*t. It just doesn't end; that's my problem.

 

[sufferingalways]

Thanks for the support

I was molested by a grandfather but I've repressed it. Not to fear! A few other men did it when I was older so I have fresh memories to lean back on /s

I was told to write a book but I can't. The people who I would need to include in the book are still alive and revered by everyone around them. I'm just the crazy twit with a big mouth and even bigger imagination. Some of the stuff I could write though would make for some pretty amazing reading. I've been through pretty unbelievable sh*t. It just doesn't end; that's my problem.

You're welcome. Big hugs. I'm sorry to hear that. Horrible. Maybe write something just for you? Hugs xx

 

[Deleted member 18655]

In the EMDR sessions you write everything out. I always hate reading what I write about myself. HAHA my life is an autobiography even I don't want to read!

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Somehow I have this irrational fear of getting an epileptic seizure while watching this type of stuff, which is completely bogus since I am not epileptic and never had a seizure.

Well tell us how it went after a couple of days.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Somehow I have this irrational fear of getting an epileptic seizure while watching this type of stuff, which is completely bogus since I am not epileptic and never had a seizure.

Well tell us how it went after a couple of days.

It won't happen!!!

You choose the wallpaper, the size, speed, duration and direction of the ball. It bounces and makes a sound (you also choose). The worst thing that happens is you lose focus. They tell you to close your eyes for a few seconds and then jump back in.

 

[Shadow Life]

Thanks for the support

I was molested by a grandfather but I've repressed it. Not to fear! A few other men did it when I was older so I have fresh memories to lean back on /s

I was told to write a book but I can't. The people who I would need to include in the book are still alive and revered by everyone around them. I'm just the crazy twit with a big mouth and even bigger imagination. Some of the stuff I could write though would make for some pretty amazing reading. I've been through pretty unbelievable sh*t. It just doesn't end; that's my problem.

I'm sorry to hear what has happened to you. Writing a book seems like a mountain to climb. I think about doing that myself, some days. Have you or do you ever journal about your experiences and how you're feeling? Like, writing Dear Diary..as if you were speaking to your most trusted and closest friend - yourself? It can be very healing just to get it on the page and out of yourself..out of your mind.. For me, I found once I've expressed this one-thing outward, I rarely come back to it. I mean, there's always going to be the next-thing to journal about, and so it goes..

In working on your Plan, you are effectively distracting yourself from the immediate pain, which does give relief. I know because that's what it does for me. The problem for me, though, is that I like to solve problems (like a detective) so eventually I turn my thoughts to solving (or fighting) the immediate problem that I'm facing. I'm glad that distraction of planning your Exit is giving you some relief. We all need to find what works for us. I'm so sorry you are suffering. Do you have the energy to go outside for a very short walk? Or stand in front of your open door to get some fresh air?

 

[sufferingalways]

It won't happen!!!

You choose the wallpaper, the size, speed, duration and direction of the ball. It bounces and makes a sound (you also choose). The worst thing that happens is you lose focus. They tell you to close your eyes for a few seconds and then jump back in.

By looking at this .. ball .. it's supposed to be helpful? I don't understand how.
What some others have described about it, it scares me to fucking death. Being retraumatised is a risk?

I have that shit already.