Venting Embracing things going wrong in life to give you the push to CTB (and update)

[ChildrensITV]

I was very suicidal during the early-mid part of this year. I had a welfare-check which made family aware that I wasn't doing well. I got counselling. With time, and some distractions, I was able to take each day as it came. A few weeks back, I had a follow-up welfare-check to ask if I wanted to give evidence against the Canadian who sold me SN. I declined.

Without this website, I would not have been able even to think about CTB. I would have just suffered. But it is such a comfort, knowing that if things get too bad, I can opt out.

I have gone back downhill depressionwise recently. Not as bad Mid-2023 but bad enough. I am looking for work but getting rejections left and right. I am having arguments with family and am being treated like a burden. Well, if I don't like being here and my family thinks I am a burden, then it make sense for me to CTB, right? I am almost starting to lose than sense of "I can't CTB cuz my family will be sad" cuz actually, after the initial shock and tears, they would better off in some respects. I've gone from feeling the need to stick around for family, to being willing to kill myself AND change the wifi password on the way out as a "fuck you".

My life is a nightmare for so many reasons. But what is important for me to remember is that, maybe I should be embracing how shit it is, so that it gives me the encouragement to CTB. Sometimes, it can feel unsettling when things are awful but not awful enough to CTB. When they get so bad that you start daydreaming of drinking the SN, then that's the sweet spot.

Lastly, any update on how to get Benzos?

 

[Battered_Seoul]

Its an interesting question. I've started to think that confronting awkward, unsettling life experiences can be a form of conditioning or training for the final awkward, unsettling encounter, so there's an incentive to maintain a flow of negative experiences. Similarly, a preoccupiation with avoiding negative experiences seems to be a covert expression of the survival instinct, at least in my case.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be such a relief having access to SN, I understand why you'd feel comforted by that, I wish you the best.

 

[letmejoindeath]

I was very suicidal during the early-mid part of this year. I had a welfare-check which made family aware that I wasn't doing well. I got counselling. With time, and some distractions, I was able to take each day as it came. A few weeks back, I had a follow-up welfare-check to ask if I wanted to give evidence against the Canadian who sold me SN. I declined.

Without this website, I would not have been able even to think about CTB. I would have just suffered. But it is such a comfort, knowing that if things get too bad, I can opt out.

I have gone back downhill depressionwise recently. Not as bad Mid-2023 but bad enough. I am looking for work but getting rejections left and right. I am having arguments with family and am being treated like a burden. Well, if I don't like being here and my family thinks I am a burden, then it make sense for me to CTB, right? I am almost starting to lose than sense of "I can't CTB cuz my family will be sad" cuz actually, after the initial shock and tears, they would better off in some respects. I've gone from feeling the need to stick around for family, to being willing to kill myself AND change the wifi password on the way out as a "fuck you".

My life is a nightmare for so many reasons. But what is important for me to remember is that, maybe I should be embracing how shit it is, so that it gives me the encouragement to CTB. Sometimes, it can feel unsettling when things are awful but not awful enough to CTB. When they get so bad that you start daydreaming of drinking the SN, then that's the sweet spot.

Lastly, any update on how to get Benzos?

"Family will be sad", thankfully I don't have to worry about that so that's one less thing holding me back.

Only reason I'm still around is for my daughter. She will have a new dad soon who gets to spend more time with her than me anyways.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I was very suicidal during the early-mid part of this year. I had a welfare-check which made family aware that I wasn't doing well. I got counselling. With time, and some distractions, I was able to take each day as it came. A few weeks back, I had a follow-up welfare-check to ask if I wanted to give evidence against the Canadian who sold me SN. I declined.

Without this website, I would not have been able even to think about CTB. I would have just suffered. But it is such a comfort, knowing that if things get too bad, I can opt out.

I have gone back downhill depressionwise recently. Not as bad Mid-2023 but bad enough. I am looking for work but getting rejections left and right. I am having arguments with family and am being treated like a burden. Well, if I don't like being here and my family thinks I am a burden, then it make sense for me to CTB, right? I am almost starting to lose than sense of "I can't CTB cuz my family will be sad" cuz actually, after the initial shock and tears, they would better off in some respects. I've gone from feeling the need to stick around for family, to being willing to kill myself AND change the wifi password on the way out as a "fuck you".

My life is a nightmare for so many reasons. But what is important for me to remember is that, maybe I should be embracing how shit it is, so that it gives me the encouragement to CTB. Sometimes, it can feel unsettling when things are awful but not awful enough to CTB. When they get so bad that you start daydreaming of drinking the SN, then that's the sweet spot.

Lastly, any update on how to get Benzos?

I like the changing of the wifi password on your way out. I enjoy some humor with my suicide.