Embarrassed.

[Fractured]

About seven weeks ago I tried to CTB and failed. I palpated my femoral artery and stabbed a knife in. When I pulled the knife out blood was spurting (so I thought I was successful in hitting it) and I moved myself to my shower because there was more blood than I've ever seen in my life. I continued to bleed for what what felt like 20 minutes (I have no idea in reality how long it was), the bleeding started to slow so I pinched the wound in attempt to restart it, instead a piece of artery (fat, vessel, something) popped out of the wound but no significant bleeding continued.
Since I wasn't actively bleeding anymore I attempted to close the wound as best I could while trying to push whatever came out back in. My next hope was that I at least hit the femoral vein and hoped it would become infected and I'd die of sepsis- obviously no. All I wound up with was a severely sore and bruised crotch
I know some of you will say that I should have used a more "sound" method but please spare your comments, I already feel like shit for failing.

 

[Polka]

Will you try this method again?

 

[Fractured]

Will you try this method again?

Honestly, probably. Instead of pulling the knife out when I felt the the initial "pop" I'd keep going deeper to ensure a big enough laceration.

 

[Polka]

Thank you. This method is tempting.

 

[LMLN]

What an awful awful experience! I feel for you and how painful that must have been. Dont feel embarrassed. We are all suffering here with feelings other people do not understand.
I myself had an embarrassing failure earlier this year. Family members actually laughed at me and made it a joke amongst themselves. They then proceeded to tell everyone and anyone else that would listen including my neighbors and others. I admit it was not a good method but their words and actions did not help. I felt really shitty. Made me want to try again soon all the more.
I hope you can find some kind of peace. I'm sorry. ❤

 

[hatelife]

I just got my surgical blades they are sharpened, I was thinking a knife if SN fail but how deep is carotid artery or artery in neck and face maybe better, why this artery?
I am planning even if I sometimes want to live, but as OP listen I have done similar things in past trying to create a sepsis on purpose hoping to die injecting myself with needles that feel in to the bathroom floor picking them up on purpose and touching them with hands then injecting, it never worked

 

[Polka]

Yes a thread on top 3 veins and arteries would be interesting. Lidocaine then blade. I wonder if any medics can add information.

 

[Fractured]

What an awful awful experience! I feel for you and how painful that must have been. Dont feel embarrassed. We are all suffering here with feelings other people do not understand.
I myself had an embarrassing failure earlier this year. Family members actually laughed at me and made it a joke amongst themselves. They then proceeded to tell everyone and anyone else that would listen including my neighbors and others. I admit it was not a good method but their words and actions did not help. I felt really shitty. Made me want to try again soon all the more.
I hope you can find some kind of peace. I'm sorry. ❤

I'm so sorry for your experience

I just got my surgical blades they are sharpened, I was thinking a knife if SN fail but how deep is carotid artery or artery in neck and face maybe better, why this artery?
I am planning even if I sometimes want to live, but as OP listen I have done similar things in past trying to create a sepsis on purpose hoping to die injecting myself with needles that feel in to the bathroom floor picking them up on purpose and touching them with hands then injecting, it never worked

The carotid is too deep. The femoral is easily palpated and accessible (if you're relatively thin) near your groin. There was no significant pain as a puncture wound, but maybe deeper and a longer laceration would have done the trick and would be more painful.