Venting Effort

[paintedbutterfly676]

If I could put in the tiniest bit of effort, I could supposedly change so much. Eat a vegetable. Take a shower. Smile at someone. Everyone keeps telling me the little things add up. But I don't even try. I just filled two garbage bags with honey bun containers, cupcake wrappers, and fountain drinks. Why clean up now? To make room for my next order of honey buns, as it had filled up the space in my closet. I am a sad human being masquerading as having it all together. I'm going to school, I'm holding down a job, anyone looking in would say I'm stable. But I am broken. And tired. And I don't have any effort to change anything. That's the worst part, everyone around me knows my history and have given me ample space and time and support, all I would have to do is put in the effort to build on it. Effort. My salvation is in my hands at this point and I can't seem to find the energy to grab it. I'm a waste of a human, waste of good prospects and a good life. There's someone out there who could take my circumstances and make something of themselves. Not huge, not life-changing, but something. And I refuse to try.

 

[noneed]

Try not to be so hard on yourself and congratulate yourself on your accomplishments rather than your downfalls. You're not perfect nobody is. Also going to school and working that's something to be proud of. Proud of you !!!

If I could put in the tiniest bit of effort, I could supposedly change so much. Eat a vegetable. Take a shower. Smile at someone. Everyone keeps telling me the little things add up. But I don't even try. I just filled two garbage bags with honey bun containers, cupcake wrappers, and fountain drinks. Why clean up now? To make room for my next order of honey buns, as it had filled up the space in my closet. I am a sad human being masquerading as having it all together. I'm going to school, I'm holding down a job, anyone looking in would say I'm stable. But I am broken. And tired. And I don't have any effort to change anything. That's the worst part, everyone around me knows my history and have given me ample space and time and support, all I would have to do is put in the effort to build on it. Effort. My salvation is in my hands at this point and I can't seem to find the energy to grab it. I'm a waste of a human, waste of good prospects and a good life. There's someone out there who could take my circumstances and make something of themselves. Not huge, not life-changing, but something. And I refuse to try.

Even if it's something small like eating a vegetable or cleaning your room that's huge!! You're building a better life in the moment for your future self

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What do you think is getting in the way?

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

What do you think is getting in the way?

There shouldn't be anything. My own head and lack of care is all that's stopping me

Even if it's something small like eating a vegetable or cleaning your room that's huge!! You're building a better life in the moment for your future self

The point was I couldn't put that effort in. The only "cleaning up" I did was move shit off my desk and out of my closet so I can put more shit there. That small of effort to clean or eat properly and I can't do it. I don't care about my future self, I can hardly picture my future self.

 

[noneed]

There shouldn't be anything. My own head and lack of care is all that's stopping me

The point was I couldn't put that effort in. The only "cleaning up" I did was move shit off my desk and out of my closet so I can put more shit there. That small of effort to clean or eat properly and I can't do it. I don't care about my future self, I can hardly picture my future self.

I understand life is hard. You seem smart and self aware but maybe overwhelmed.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

There shouldn't be anything. My own head and lack of care is all that's stopping me

We can be our own biggest obstacles.

How do you motivate yourself to study and work?

 

[hereticgirl]

OK. You need time away for your own health. Take a small vacation. Or if you can't at least go sit outside and look at the lake go to the library and check out a good book, go home and read it. Maybe a really uplifting heartfelt book. Basically you just need a little time to reflect. Time for you. Any way you can find to just stop. I just did this myself and I'm feeling a little less bad. I don't know if it will work but it's worth a try in hopes it does. I hope you don't overwork yourself. Be careful.