[ed tw] i don't want to die fat

[clearing eyes]

the one thing preventing me from killing myself as soon as i'd like is that i don't want to leave behind this disgusting body. now, it's not like i'm morbidly obese. my doctor said i'm healthy, and everyone tells me i don't need to lose any more weight. i've dealt with both bulimia and anorexia. i never want to go through all of that again, but i want to be skinny when i die. i know it sounds stupid. maybe i am just finding more reasons to hate myself.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I've had EDs for 35 years , AN, BN, AN subtype b/p etc... Those thoughts are the magnet that's going to pull you back into behaviours. If you're on pro-ana sites, get off them! Sure, they can help but they also keep your mind on your body. You need a distraction - studies, hobbies, work - so your mind is filled with things you do not how you look.

I have the same goal - to die as skinny as possible. But does it really matter what paramedics think of your corpse, or your family or funeral attendees? No one is going to look at you/me and think "skinny;" they'll be thinking death as they cry over you/me.

If you want to chat feel free to pm me but, really, do what you need to do to stop those thoughts that lead to the slippery slope.

 

[ravergirl]

I can relate. EDNOS with both anorexic and bulimic tendencies. Also, staying thin is part of why I abuse stimulants. Always here to talk.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I feel the same thing all the time. But I'm gonna die fat, unfortunately. I've been so unhealthy during this past year. I've asked for no visitation of my body, and for my cremated ashes to be present at my funeral, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I used to suffer with anorexia when I was younger, especially during my high school years. I would only eat if someone made me.

Now instead of starving myself I just comfort eat, I have a very unbalanced diet. Although I'm not overweight I still can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

Always here to talk if you need to

 

[Belit667]

I used to suffer with anorexia when I was younger, especially during my high school years. I would only eat if someone made me.

Now instead of starving myself I just comfort eat, I have a very unbalanced diet. Although I'm not overweight I still can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

Always here to talk if you need to

Similar here. Very unbalanced diet. I can survive on eating one tomato daily and nothing else. On other occasions I eat so much thts my stomach hurts.
Anyway, I dropped from 105 kg to 77 kg and it's pretty cool! Please PM I'll send you some photo if you wish.

 

[lotus11]

I feel you, not only do I have to be skinny when I die, but I also have to have a completely empty stomach, most likely I will fast for a week or two beforehand. Which will be easy for me as I barely eat anyway. I can't get rid of my eating disorder, its been ten years and its definitely filling some sort of void in my life that isn't being filled elsewhere. Also definitely want a cremation over burial, turning my body into ashes so it no longer exits and scattering them somewhere beautiful...fuck being buried in some ugly grey graveyard with cockroaches eating away by remains!!!