Venting Easier to be alone?

[shigure]

So.. I'm in the middle of a fallout with some friends. I know that's normal, friendships don't last, and people grow and change. But the thing is, this isn't the first time it's happened to me.

I try to be reliable to everyone, I say yes to everything anytime people invite me. Genuinely, I liked spending time with everyone and seeing them happy. If it was possible, I'd love to be able to spend time with everyone. But this fallout is happening because some of them think I'm ignoring them, or others think I don't spend enough time with them (is it really my job to track how much time I spend with everyone, and try to even it out?). These were friends that were all over different time zones. I lost a lot of sleep trying to be online all the time..

But now that they're all upset with me, and would rather not be my friend, I've been feeling a lot of guilt and shame and I've gone offline and reclusive for a while now. On the bright side, this gives me a lot of time for myself, napping, hobbies, and classwork, but another side of me thinks it could be unhealthy... I know the relationship with that old friend group is not salvageable, nor can I bring myself to speak to them again. I have nothing to apologize for, and deep down, I don't think they do either.

But what do you guys think? Is it better to be alone, or maybe 1-2 friends max? Do I even bother putting myself out there to meet new friends? I feel like it's such a hassle, and it'd be unhealthy for me considering my doormat personality. It's also very likely that this sort of drama will happen again..

 

[R. A.]

The problem isn't friends, it's shitty friends. Most friends are shitty because most people are shitty. Once you no longer serve their needs, or if you make a good-intended constructive critical point, or if you become chronically ill, you will be dropped like a hot potato.

The more friends the better, but most people don't fucking know how to actually be one. In real life, this usually translates to relatively few if you're lucky to have them.