Venting Earned love is so much more legit ♥️

[Aim]

Title!

 

[SoulofSteel]

I don't know, I treated my ex girlfriend as best as I could, and for a while she did too, we got along like bread and butter and felt like I earned her love, she chose to be with me because of who I was, yet it was fleeting as she still left me in the end over a few stupid arguments... It's just unfair that she'd love someone who treated her badly yet shut me off without second thought no matter how hard I tried for her.

 

[Pluto]

I'd say it depends on context.

A good starting point is this famous quote by Abraham Maslow:
The most stable, and therefore, the most healthy self-esteem is based on deserved respect from others rather than on external fame or celebrity and unwarranted adulation.

He argues that genuine self-esteem is based on hard-earned personal accomplishments rather than, say, fortunate genes delivering an aesthetic physical appearance. And, in the same way, friendships or relationships with others that are based on substance - having survived hardships together, having made an effort to be there in times of need or a mutual sense of admiration over personal accomplishments - will have a substance and depth for sure.

However, in loftier, more esoteric realms of discourse, the concept of 'unconditional love' throws the whole thing upside down. The problem with earned love is that it can just as easily be un-earned. If someone is loved because they pay the bills, what happens if they lose their income? And as they get kicked out of the house, they might wonder if it was ever love to begin with.

Unconditional love is a Pandora's box in itself. From a conventional perspective, unconditional anything seems utterly impossible since there is always some sort of personal gain associated with love. Yet people who have reported profound revelations often have a very different take that isn't appropriate to go into now.

 

[Aim]

I don't know, I treated my ex girlfriend as best as I could, and for a while she did too, we got along like bread and butter and felt like I earned her love, she chose to be with me because of who I was, yet it was fleeting as she still left me in the end over a few stupid arguments... It's just unfair that she'd love someone who treated her badly yet shut me off without second thought no matter how hard I tried for her.

I don't know, I treated my ex girlfriend as best as I could, and for a while she did too, we got along like bread and butter and felt like I earned her love, she chose to be with me because of who I was, yet it was fleeting as she still left me in the end over a few stupid arguments... It's just unfair that she'd love someone who treated her badly yet shut me off without second thought no matter how hard I tried for her.

sorry about that! :( The world is full of couples that doesnt have the same values, communication and love language. I am not the one to say what was right or wrong in this situaation. But i bet there is someone else out there for you, that will value you for you and what you have to give. Sometimes what we want isnt alwyas what we need. <3 Good luck!