THIS.
It is just insane to me. I am an absolutely hopeless optimist at heart, okay, always been?
But seeing this development of hell, more and more hell. Community is disappearing, public spaces, amenities, locked down further and further.
Laws keep getting worse, more restrictive. Costs increase, higher and higher. Common liberties eroding, one at a time.
It kept breaking my heart, over and over again! It seems like for our recent times, this downward trend began in the 80s and just never stopped.
I see humane concepts from times before then, which the most outcast of us are barely hanging onto the crumbling shadows of - they're all being dismantled, or left to burn, for decades in many cases.
"Fuck social programs, fuck humanity, fuck compassion", is the core message this world keeps sending me, and there is just no damn genuine change or hope on the horizon.
The real world is looking more and more like sterile prisons everywhere, and for all we know we're on the brink of straight up climate calamity.
Maybe we are one of the last actual generations of this species?
Even trying to ignore the horrific state of wider issues, and trying to live small just feels impossible.
For lack of other social inclusion, I love my kind - fellow trans folks.
But I see so many of us all depressed, hopeless, and miserable - and now so many more people in general are fucked over too, it's like double and triple the hell, considering we got that like everyone else, PLUS absorbing the weaponized hatred of most of the world (used to distract the average person from generalized issues like costs that affect everyone).
You already live on the margins? How about they become tighter? Oh, you need specialized, kind of rare medication?
Be fucking privileged. Or just don't eat. Or just fucking die, I guess.
The fact that this world is so void of basic kindness will end up a core reason for my ctb in particular.
I just want to talk to people, travel, learn new things, see the world, try my best to do things that are genuinely kind and helpful... this world is just not built for connecting with others. I don't want to exploit others to survive. It runs too damn counter to my nature, and then I feel fucking guilty and end up self-harming.
I've hated almost every job I've had for this reason (barring caregiving, one of the only ethical ones I managed to land - lovely couple, loved assisting them with their day). I got so upset at one of the factory jobs, food production - they had perfectly packaged and finished product, tons of it.
But it would all be sent to farms as feed waste. People are damn starving in the street, and this is going to some corporate farm?
On one of my last days, I put as much in my bag as I could fit, and brought it back to the homeless youth agency to share.
It's like you can only get rewarded if you actively participate, or are complicit in people's suffering.
