Dysthymia sucks

[Slark]

Dysthymia is one of the most horrible things that can happen to someone. I have no perspective, hope, will, or energy. I feel like a zombie marching from one side to the other doing the things that are expected of you. Sometimes I think my soul has been sucked out of my body or something. I even know the list of things I should do to have better health, a better job, or things like that, but I don't have the will or strength to fight and achieve those goals. I'm tired of dragging myself through this existence; I've tried everything and I don't think I can fight anymore. I would go to work and feel like crying. I still manage not to stay in bed all day, but I'm just a body in motion. I can't stand living like this anymore.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I have that diagnosis! I feel like a robot. I do everything per protocol like a zombie. My off days I sleep the day away. There is no enjoyment in this life. I use to enjoy fancy meals, now I just eat snacks and beverages. My quality of life is so poor. The funny thing is my co workers believe I have it put together, if they really knew the truth! I barely can drag myself out of bed to work. I barely shower before work, I simply dont care. Perfume works wonders and keeps my secret. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Hopefully our bus comes soon

 

[Michelstaedter]

To be honest, I don't understand if depression, in its various forms, is the cause of our problem, or if the problem is existence itself. In theory, depression stems from various factors that affect our perception or feelings regarding our emotions, leading us to experience all those symptoms you've described. That's why people, when they see someone with those symptoms, immediately associate it with depression and believe they should be treated by a specialist. However, from my experience with psychotropic medications, I've learned that sometimes, even if you take something to regulate your brain chemistry, you can still feel bad in some way. For example, benzodiazepines make me feel great, but once you develop a tolerance to the dose, you start feeling bad again. That means your brain chemistry isn't what's causing these problems, right? So, I conclude that it's the pain of existence itself, and ultimately, we develop an overly acute perception of that pain.

 

[Slark]

I have that diagnosis! I feel like a robot. I do everything per protocol like a zombie. My off days I sleep the day away. There is no enjoyment in this life. I use to enjoy fancy meals, now I just eat snacks and beverages. My quality of life is so poor. The funny thing is my co workers believe I have it put together, if they really knew the truth! I barely can drag myself out of bed to work. I barely shower before work, I simply dont care. Perfume works wonders and keeps my secret. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Hopefully our bus comes soon

That's exactly it. I'm also having trouble taking care of my hygiene properly, and that makes me feel very guilty too. People look from the outside and think we're fine, but we're on the edge of a precipice. I'm so sorry you're going through this hell too. I've been on medication for years and even had electroconvulsive therapy, but nothing has worked. I just want to rest, I just want the pain to stop.
I sincerely hope you get better. I know the hell you're going through, and nobody deserves to go through that.

To be honest, I don't understand if depression, in its various forms, is the cause of our problem, or if the problem is existence itself. In theory, depression stems from various factors that affect our perception or feelings regarding our emotions, leading us to experience all those symptoms you've described. That's why people, when they see someone with those symptoms, immediately associate it with depression and believe they should be treated by a specialist. However, from my experience with psychotropic medications, I've learned that sometimes, even if you take something to regulate your brain chemistry, you can still feel bad in some way. For example, benzodiazepines make me feel great, but once you develop a tolerance to the dose, you start feeling bad again. That means your brain chemistry isn't what's causing these problems, right? So, I conclude that it's the pain of existence itself, and ultimately, we develop an overly acute perception of that pain.

I understand you, but in the end, I just hope the pain goes away, I can't take it anymore. Living like this is torture! Sometimes everything is so unbearable that I wish I could vomit my heart out..

 

[dontwakemeup]

That's exactly it. I'm also having trouble taking care of my hygiene properly, and that makes me feel very guilty too. People look from the outside and think we're fine, but we're on the edge of a precipice. I'm so sorry you're going through this hell too. I've been on medication for years and even had electroconvulsive therapy, but nothing has worked. I just want to rest, I just want the pain to stop.

It's a terrible life! Every task feels like climbing Mt. Everest! I don't discuss my hygiene with friends anymore because they lack understanding of my diagnosis. It's not that we are nasty, we simply don't have the strength! I can't even cook a whole meal anymore, I just want to sleep and escape! Sleeping is my only escape and my brain can finally rest. I was suggest to do ECT but I refused. Everyone says it doesn't help. I take benzos and Prozac and it doesn't seem to help. I doubt i'll ever be truly happy. I also just want forever sleep. I plan to enroll in college and get another degree next year. I'm not going because I enjoy it, but it keeps me busy and occupies my time. Try to find something to occupy your time. Start a podcast, website, find a hobby and my favorite is listening with headphones to music or audio books. This tricks my brain so it focuses on what I'm listening to so I'm not obsessing over my depressional thoughts. We have become such great liars haven't we? It's really sad this is our reality. I believe mines comes from a history of trauma that I can't forget. Perhaps if I had justice, I could let it go but idk. I just want out too!

 

[Michelstaedter]

That's exactly it. I'm also having trouble taking care of my hygiene properly, and that makes me feel very guilty too. People look from the outside and think we're fine, but we're on the edge of a precipice. I'm so sorry you're going through this hell too. I've been on medication for years and even had electroconvulsive therapy, but nothing has worked. I just want to rest, I just want the pain to stop.
I sincerely hope you get better. I know the hell you're going through, and nobody deserves to go through that.

I understand you, but in the end, I just hope the pain goes away, I can't take it anymore. Living like this is torture! Sometimes everything is so unbearable that I wish I could vomit my heart out..

It can disappear depending on several factors, because ultimately, as I said, we are regulated by brain chemistry, our environment, and a way of thinking that leads us to be this way, and in this case, brain chemistry has a significant influence.

A few days ago, I wrote a post about this, where I had a different feeling regarding life and death one day. This was due to a benzodiazepine withdrawal crisis, and I had to be given the substance to feel better, as it was a very severe crisis. So much so that I suspect your problem can eventually disappear if it's related to poorly regulated brain chemistry and you want to live a normal life.

 

[Slark]

It's a terrible life! Every task feels like climbing Mt. Everest! I don't discuss my hygiene with friends anymore because they lack understanding of my diagnosis. It's not that we are nasty, we simply don't have the strength! I can't even cook a whole meal anymore, I just want to sleep and escape! Sleeping is my only escape and my brain can finally rest. I was suggest to do ECT but I refused. Everyone says it doesn't help. I take benzos and Prozac and it doesn't seem to help. I doubt i'll ever be truly happy. I also just want forever sleep. I plan to enroll in college and get another degree next year. I'm not going because I enjoy it, but it keeps me busy and occupies my time. Try to find something to occupy your time. Start a podcast, website, find a hobby and my favorite is listening with headphones to music or audio books. This tricks my brain so it focuses on what I'm listening to so I'm not obsessing over my depressional thoughts. We have become such great liars haven't we? It's really sad this is our reality. I believe mines comes from a history of trauma that I can't forget. Perhaps if I had justice, I could let it go but idk. I just want out too!

You were right when you said it's like climbing Mount Everest. Sometimes I manage to go to the gym, but when I get home I just want to lie on the couch and never get up again. Regarding hygiene, I think most people would only understand if they went through something similar, and I know we're not to blame, but even so, I feel a lot of guilt about it. Currently, I'm using paroxetine and clozapine, but they haven't been helping either, and unfortunately, I've already tried almost all the available antidepressants. I've had dysthymia for so long that I don't even remember what it's like to live without it. Currently, the only hobby I have is spending hours listening to sad music, I think to see if I sink deeper and gain the courage to finally kill myself. And yes, we become great liars!! I'm also full of traumas, and I don't think I'll get any better. Living like this for years is torture, you know. I hope we can get rid of the pain, either by recovering or finally resting forever. I love you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this

It can disappear depending on several factors, because ultimately, as I said, we are regulated by brain chemistry, our environment, and a way of thinking that leads us to be this way, and in this case, brain chemistry has a significant influence.

A few days ago, I wrote a post about this, where I had a different feeling regarding life and death one day. This was due to a benzodiazepine withdrawal crisis, and I had to be given the substance to feel better, as it was a very severe crisis. So much so that I suspect your problem can eventually disappear if it's related to poorly regulated brain chemistry and you want to live a normal life.

I no longer believe in recovery.