Dying in my uniform

[Hambo]

I work as an EMT and it's no secret that we see some pretty messed up stuff. And yet the support for our ambulance staff is terrible where I live.



Oddly enough, PTSD is not why I want to kill myself. I'm not haunted by traumatic experiences however my psyche was permanently altered by the things that I saw while I was an 18 year old trainee.

I'm planning to do the CO method in my car using a generator. But I also want to do it in my uniform. I want it to get into the media, I want to make a statement about how bad the mental health of medics is. Hopefully my death will create change in the industry.

 

[OnlyMercy]

If that's your plan I suggest you leave a detailed note explaining in no uncertain terms why it is you chose to CTB. Otherwise your death may just be written off as an anomaly or blamed on financial troubles, heartache etc

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I hope they respect the message :/

 

[Davy]

You ambulance staff are really hard working and nice. Wish the conditions were better for you.

Since your an EMT, do you have any special medications that could help you ctb? You could combine some drugs with CO to make you go to sleep in your car.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I work as an EMT and it's no secret that we see some pretty messed up stuff. And yet the support for our ambulance staff is terrible where I live.



Oddly enough, PTSD is not why I want to kill myself. I'm not haunted by traumatic experiences however my psyche was permanently altered by the things that I saw while I was an 18 year old trainee.

I'm planning to do the CO method in my car using a generator. But I also want to do it in my uniform. I want it to get into the media, I want to make a statement about how bad the mental health of medics is. Hopefully my death will create change in the industry.

I feel for you. Shameful how little support there is for members of our society who do such critical work AND who aren't compensated nearly enough. Have you thought about writing an op ed or even about approaching a news network to see if they'd be interested in your story? And sticking around to see what the effect is? Just an idea. I'm really sorry you're hurting so much.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

If that's your plan I suggest you leave a detailed note explaining in no uncertain terms why it is you chose to CTB. Otherwise your death may just be written off as an anomaly or blamed on financial troubles, heartache etc

Yes, OP do this. Otherwise, they might also think the problems are specific to your employer instead of the industry as a whole.

 

[Hambo]

You ambulance staff are really hard working and nice. Wish the conditions were better for you.

Since your an EMT, do you have any special medications that could help you ctb? You could combine some drugs with CO to make you go to sleep in your car.

Most of our heavy drugs (e.g. Ketamine, Fentanyl) are kept under lock and key, and have to be signed out whenever they are used. Someone would notice if I took some.

I could probably grab some olanzapine.

 

[HelpPlease]

I tried to work as an emt and didn't last. The shit I saw just in clinicals, training and first year was so fucked up I can't do it. And it fucked my head up it was so incredibly disturbing. Sick. Those people are sick. People who have done it a while are sick it's no way to live. I saw autopsies. I saw people die in front of me. It fucked me up severely. I saw people that were walking dead they should have been dead -

 

[ExitTheDay]

I could never work as an EMT, it's not because I'm not afraid of blood or anything, it's because I can't see other people suffer when I'm going through hell myself, that would lead me to a good reason to kill myself