Dumb confessions of a dumb girl pt.5

[Hanniewants2die]

Hi, I don't usually write much, but somehow I feel better when I can externalize something I think is important to say, or not, just dumb thoughts of someone who's depressed.

Anyway, I think I mentioned it before, I really enjoy spending time with people who genuinely understand what it feels like to be in such a disgusting hole as this. People usually tell you that's the last thing you should do, because it feeds that sadness, but what could possibly make things worse when you're already so low? It seems almost naive to me. My condition isn't going to worsen because someone understands how I feel or shares their experiences with me; on the contrary, in a way it feels like being at home, as strange as that may sound...

It's much better than the "correct" answers you usually get from someone who doesn't fully understand the situation, at least that's how I feel.

I don't feel better with phrases like "life isn't so bad" or "don't say things like that." Although I can't blame them either; nobody is born knowing how to deal with people like me.

I'd like to be completely transparent about what's going through my mind, without having to worry about scaring them with the amount of discouraging things I say.

I suppose being around someone who seems to have nothing cheerful to say must be exhausting. I'm not good at pretending either, so I usually lie about being tired and stay away for a while. They usually don't care, and I can spend my days having plenty of time to think about every depressing thing in the dictionary, but honestly, I don't think I would encourage anyone to leave either.

But I would like to have someone I can tell all this to, someone who understands how it all feels. I suppose I find a little comfort in reading other people's experiences; they are all so genuine that it somehow hits you differently.

I used to have a friend or something here, I don't know what happened to him, but wherever he is, I hope he's at peace.

I don't know what to do, you usually don't find people who are so open and if you do, they're probably also afraid to admit it. In some ways, it's worse for me to receive advice from people who don't see it this way, you know? Their most common responses are that I should sleep better or go out more. I mean... I appreciate the attempt, I really do, but it doesn't help me at all, it disappoints me to know that they don't understand it at all.

This is just some silly thing I want to complain about, because somehow, knowing this today hit harder than other days. I think it's because I'm sinking again, but oh well.

Thanks for reading if you did.

 

[mjolnir]

I understand that; it's as if we're prepared for the same simply formulaic response, almost like a fortune cookie replicated a thousand times, the same thing reaching you. At least here, a good portion of people have a similar pain and understand that hearing clichés doesn't make anyone feel better.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

fair enough. i've kinda been in the same boat as well. like, i understand people are trying to help, but the techniques they use are like a 'one-size-fits-all' sort of approach and it hardly does anything. not that i can complain about it either, since they get really pissy if i point out those flaws. sucks how broken the sysyem is (and how flawed the general attitude towards mental health and suicide is overall).

i also have this friend that i always go to whenever i need it. he's not perfect (neither is anyone), but he's somehow more understanding for a nonsuicidal person. could just be 'cause both of us are pessimistic as crap and tired of everything and everyone.

he's the only other person (aside from my bf) i might truly worry for when i'm gone. even if i won't be there to see his reaction, i hope he'll find peace someday (same with you <3)

 

[Nightfoot]

No matter how well-meaning, for someone who hasn't gone through depression themselves, it can be hard to know what to say or do because they can't understand it. I read a statistic, once, that one in ten people suffer from depression, so that's a lot of people who can't understand it. Also, the term 'depression' can be problematic because most people have felt depressed at some point in their lives, but there's a world of difference between feeling down for a day or two (or even just an hour or so) and having Major Depressive Disorder and that can add to misunderstandings as well.