Dropping out of life

[OnMyLast Legs]

Is anyone here missing obligations? Out of work? I've started disappearing more and more and people are wondering why. It's going to be hard to turn around. I don't see how my mood or behavior are going to improve. I've started staying home all day doomscrolling. I'm lucky to be unemployed in that sense but I have a job starting in a few weeks. I could get texts from supervisors asking me to meet at any time. And I just can't do it. Everything hurts too much. And yet I fear the noose. I think I'm too soft to go through with it. Which makes me wonder how the hell this ends. Just becoming a productive member of society seems off the table.

Have any of you been dependent shut-ins long term? How many families are harboring depressed layabouts?

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Yeah it's really tough when you have responsibilities and don't even have the motivation/energy to get up. It's enough to make you physically ill. I'm glad I'm not working right now (well, not officially, but what I am doing doesn't require a whole lot).

"And yet I fear the noose.". Yeah that's absolutely understandable. That's one part of being suicidal that a lot of people can't grasp. Wanting so bad to get it over with, but having this thing inside that just says, "Nope, not today". It's frustrating, to say the least.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah it's really tough when you have responsibilities and don't even have the motivation/energy to get up. It's enough to make you physically ill. I'm glad I'm not working right now (well, not officially, but what I am doing doesn't require a whole lot).

"And yet I fear the noose.". Yeah that's absolutely understandable. That's one part of being suicidal that a lot of people can't grasp. Wanting so bad to get it over with, but having this thing inside that just says, "Nope, not today". It's frustrating, to say the least.

Even in this misery I want to keep scrolling. I can't walk to my closet and have nothingness forever. Like "I'll never walk back out into the kitchen, I'll never open that door I just closed behind me." I think it has to do with my intuition of death changing over my suicidal period. I know I'm not going anywhere peaceful. [Also I have like a 5% belief I'll be sent to the Christian hell.]

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Even in this misery I want to keep scrolling. I can't walk to my closet and have nothingness forever. Like "I'll never walk back out into the kitchen, I'll never open that door I just closed behind me." I think it has to do with my intuition of death changing over my suicidal period. I know I'm not going anywhere peaceful. [Also I have like a 5% belief I'll be sent to the Christian hell.]

It may sound odd, but... IF you want to discuss the "Christian hell" I am a Born-Again believer. If not, I understand and will not push anything.

 

[Matchaaa]

Life is certainly tough, but a person's worth shouldn't be tied to their productivity. Your feelings matter, whether or not you find a job.
Ending your own life is indeed a monumental decision, and your biological instincts will make you hesitate time and time again. I can relate to some of this.
I've been a NEET and staying at home for over three years now… but work is even worse for me. Although staying home should be a time for rest and recovery, I haven't felt any better—it's just delayed the inevitable decline.
I hope you can find inner peace.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

It may sound odd, but... IF you want to discuss the "Christian hell" I am a Born-Again believer. If not, I understand and will not push anything.

And you're still suicidal?

I'm a Catholic atheist. If I put on my religious hat I'll always argue what I take to be authoritative Catholicism. I know I'm in an awful "spiritual" state and wouldn't be let into heaven if it's real.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

And you're still suicidal?

I'm a Catholic atheist. If I put on my religious hat I'll always argue what I take to be authoritative Catholicism. I know I'm in an awful "spiritual" state and wouldn't be let into heaven if it's real.

Well I'm a firm believer that when Jesus went to hell, He literally paid the price for ALL sin, except rejecting Him. That is why I do NOT believe a person goes to hell for committing suicide. I mean, I suppose most Born-Again believers would never think about killing themselves lol and I'm certainly not encouraging it; but having dealt with depression for so long, I am just tired of this life.

I feel so guilty about it, because I know He doesn't want me to. I suppose the last words out of my mouth will be: Jesus, please forgive me for what I am about to do...

 

[tonicer]

I'm one of those layabouts. I mean i studied hard and got a good grade and all but my applications get rejected all the time. I guess once my parents die i have to live on the streets or just kill myself. I started working on a mobile game with all the free time i have so maybe that makes me enough money to somehow keep living a somewhat normal life!?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Well I'm a firm believer that when Jesus went to hell, He literally paid the price for ALL sin, except rejecting Him. That is why I do NOT believe a person goes to hell for committing suicide. I mean, I suppose most Born-Again believers would never think about killing themselves lol and I'm certainly not encouraging it; but having dealt with depression for so long, I am just tired of this life.

I feel so guilty about it, because I know He doesn't want me to. I suppose the last words out of my mouth will be: Jesus, please forgive me for what I am about to do...

Asking forgiveness before the sin? We call that presumption and it's a serious sin in itself.

In Catholicism any serious unrepented sin lands you in the inferno. Didn't Jesus say to keep the commandments, not just believe?

Ultimately I base my nonbelief on the wackiness of the primordial history with creation and Noah's Ark, which I take modern science to have definitively disproven.

This is incoherent, but I'd probably beg God for forgiveness in my last moments anyway.

 

[Kamaainakupua]

I resemble that remark!
I get visits from local first responders because I either forget, or intentionally ignore mandatory appointments (more of the former than the latter, lately).
I've also had periods in my life where I was holding down three jobs, juggling a relationship and helping raise her child, while STILL trying to catch the bus. The nature of our condition makes 'normal' life and activities seem impossible. And for some of us who are physically and emotionally damaged, going out is literally impossible. That's why the bus stop seems to be the only solution. The pro-lifers would say, "Oh, just chin up. Grin and bear it", but they've almost certainly never crawled out from under a 5 or 10-ton after being run over by it, and realizing you missed the bus and now are ~really~ messed up.
SaSu provides information and emotional support so you can achieve your goal, whether that means going for the job, and struggling with the challenges of that decision, saying no and choosing to work on yourself before trying to rejoin the 'normies', or just buying that ticket. Your life, your choice, and if the noose scares you, do further research. There are literally a million ways.
I hope you find peace, or relief, at least, and we'll be here for you until you do.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Asking forgiveness before the sin? We call that presumption and it's a serious sin in itself.

In Catholicism any serious unrepented sin lands you in the inferno. Didn't Jesus say to keep the commandments, not just believe?

Ultimately I base my nonbelief on the wackiness of the primordial history with creation and Noah's Ark, which I take modern science to have definitively disproven.

This is incoherent, but I'd probably beg God for forgiveness in my last moments anyway.

I believe any act of obeying is simply a result of Salvation, and not the root; since we don't save ourselves. But anyway, I don't wanna be that person that starts this debate on here LOL.

 

[hurb]

Im in a no comeback state rn. I cant fear the noose anymore, im not allowed to. I have to commit

 

[raineen]

i literally did not go to work today, i was supposed to, i made up some bullshit excuse, i don't even know how i'm going to face them tomorrow but i'm also pretty sure the only person who's above me didn't go to the office either so it's just on others to not narc me out