Venting Driving Impulse

[bandagedbones]

Suicide shouldn't be on impulse, it's an obviously major decision and difficult to all those around and included. I've been suicidal varying on active to passive consistently for over 10 years now, but even when I have those call of the void moments when high up or facing danger the impulse has never been so strong as it has been lately. I'm not sure if it's just the face value of my chronic OCD worsening as death is a daily if not hourly thought, or if today just had me on the wire.

My drive to work has a bend with concrete barriers on one side; I could simply not slow down one night and continue into them at 50mph. Working nights means no one is on the road and even if the impact wasn't the cause the injuries would surely take me before anyone could find the wreckage. While all this is something I've thought about before many times what was different tonight was that I nearly didn't stop. I even closed my eyes to further fool myself into driving far closer to those barriers than was safe before I finally slowed down and took the turn as if nothing was different. Car crashes are painful, nasty, and not my method of choice. Making a large mess the size cars make isn't ideal to me. I'll bleed and make small messes but to close an entire road would be too much of an impact on peoples daily lives that I feel I have not earned in life and especially not in death.

I don't want to die at my own hands impulsively, I'm too much of a planner for that. Always fixating on little gritty, gory details is one of my escapes, my greatest ally in making face as though I'm okay only to privately relish in the mental image of my own body lifeless in countless ways. I don't know why tonight was different, and I can only hope it isn't the telltale sign I'm becoming a danger of inconvenience once again.

 

[Someone123]

A crash at 50 mph might kill you, or it might leave you paralyzed and burned all over- at any speed this is a risk- if you don't carefully think throgh ctb you can end of badly damaged but alive. For all methods a person should honestly ask themselves, and do a lot of research to find out, what could go wrong?

 

[The anhedonic one]

I understand that feeling of having crazy moments like wanting to crash into a brick wall.
I walked across a very busy road the other day just for the hell of it.
None of the speeding cars killed me unfortunately.
But yes, I think that a definite degree of planning is needed for a successful suicide.
I'm Going to Mexico for N in the near future.
So my demise has been carefully planned, yet when I take N , it won't be at a specified time, day, week etc.
I will just wait until my bipolar, clinically depressed brain has another one of its severe low mood episodes and just down the N without even worrying about the fact that it will most certainly kill me.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me the car crash method sounds risky and like it could just lead to injuries, it sounds horrific failing that method, but of course it's really understandable just desperately wishing to be gone, existing certainly is so torturous.

 

[letmegetout]

I very often have these thoughts. I enjoy driving my car at speed and would love to just put my foot on the accelerator and just keep going and going seeing my speed getting faster and faster before I crash

But the risks of it going wrong are so great that it always makes me take my foot off