Venting drifting apart from people

[boredtodeath]

theres a person I hold very dearly to my heart. we used to talk pretty much everyday but recently he's been distant. i'm not sure if i did something wrong, but i think i'm coming to a realization that we're not as close as i thought :P it hurts a lot. life feels so bleak and hopeless right now. every single person i've cared about has drifted away from me. i know the problem most likely lies with me but i have no fucking idea what that is... i've been in therapy for 5 years trying to figure it out :P i think i'm too quiet and shy but those are things i cant control. i hate it... my mental illness has made my life so lonely. i'm struggling to find a reason to keep going. whats the point in living another 30 odd years? life doesn't make me happy anymore, and it hasnt for a long long time.

thanks for reading my vent

 

[GravityUtilizer]

i think i'm coming to a realization that we're not as close as i thought :P it hurts a lot.

Yeah I've recently been dealing with a realisation like this myself. It sucks 'cause it seemed like they initiated a friendship with me and let me get close and then drifted away, until they became a 'ghost', like I was nothing to them. Which I guess I was!

Talking to ghosts is definitely no fun.

 

[boredtodeath]

Yeah I've recently been dealing with a realisation like this myself. It sucks 'cause it seemed like they initiated a friendship with me and let me get close and then drifted away, until they became a 'ghost', like I was nothing to them. Which I guess I was!

Talking to ghosts is definitely no fun.

Its depressing isnt it lol. but thats the way life goes I suppose. a sad thing.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

i'm not sure if i did something wrong, but i think i'm coming to a realization that we're not as close as i thought :P it hurts a lot. life feels so bleak and hopeless right now. every single person i've cared about has drifted away from me.

I feel this so strongly. I think I get too invested in people. I care for them much more than they care for me. For them, it's easy to let me go, but for me, it's painful. And each successive person who leaves gets harder to deal with, not easier. And I feel like it has to be me. Something must be wrong with me.

I've begun to believe that I can't be loved. Sometimes I feel that way about my best friend who died 13 years ago. Did he really love me the way I loved him? Would he have left me too? I even feel that way about my husband at times — that he doesn't really love me. No one can.

 

[draw a circle]

it happens to people i guess... sometimes i feel like this, but also i'm aware that maybe someone feels like this towards me. i'm not very good at keeping my friends close. for the past few years there's someone who's close to me and i share everything with them. in turn, i didn't talk to my other friends as often as i do with this one. now they're having fun with their new friends and leaving me behind. i don't get attached to many people and maybe i've hurt someone this way in return. i wonder if this is karma? haha.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

i'm not sure if i did something wrong, but i think i'm coming to a realization that we're not as close as i thought :P it hurts a lot

I could really feel that. This has been me since I was 15 and my best friend dumped me in front of the rest of the students. I've had that fear in the back of my mind ever since.

For a few years now, I really feel like I've been distant from my friends. I still like them, but...I don't know. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. I hold them at arm's length mentally, despite still hanging out and having an objectively good time with them, because I feel unimportant and annoying - if I keep a bit of distance, then maybe it won't hurt as much when they get bored/annoyed and leave.

That mindset and depression in general make me feel very alone. It doesn't make sense. My friends and I will talk about everything, we'll hang out in comfortable silence or just go two towns over for fast food. Yet I still feel distant.