doubting myself

[k7654321]

I am really questioning myself right now. I've made so many suicide attempts before and failed miserably every time. And inevitably I get forced into hospital and just feel worse than ever. And I know the smart thing to do is just end things now before I get forced into hospital again. But I keep putting it off. And it just got me thinking am I ever gonna feel completely ready to die, or do I have to do it before I feel ready and just trust that it is the right thing for myself?