Don't want to live but scared to die?

[Existingnotliving]

I've tried to kill myself on numerous occasions over a period of years yet everytime I get close I bottle it and get 'saved.' I honestly can't cope with being alive anymore, 24 years is enough and they've all been negative. However I have a massive fear of death in general and this is a problem as my brain reminds me constantly everyday that I will die one day whether I like it or not, this terrifies me. However it also reminds me constantly that's there's no point to life and that I've suffered enough so I should end it now and avoid future suffering just to die anyway. I don't even know how to explain how my brain works but that's a slight insight. I can't cope being alive and I don't want to be alive yet I'm terrified to die despite the numerous suicide attempts and the lifetime of self harm. Anyone any advice on a pain free death where I can maybe believe i won't die but hopefully I'll fall asleep and never wake up?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I wish I had advice. There are times when I am hit with abuse and bullying trauma and desire to die too. Sometimes I wish I could go into a slumber and just not wake up. or go to some other universe or a place away from my shitty life. Anyways I can relate

 

[Existingnotliving]

Wrong section for this post :)

Sorry if I posted in the wrong place its the only place I could find to post a post of my own

 

[Pan]

yes, the title of this thread says it all. I accept the fact that I'll die by my own hand eventually. How I go about doing remains the question. Those who are serious about ending their lives -for whatever reason-should be allowed to do so, and in relative comfort. To deny an individual that right is akin to slavery.

 

[VoidGirl]

Being scared to die is normal. As a living being you have a biological imperative forcing you to stay alive at all costs that goes further than your active thoughts. Even if you truely want to die it will make you scared. I believe what suicidal people want is not the act of dying itself but freedom from the shackles of life, to be non-existent.

Sapience is a curse.

 

[Pan]

I have considered hemlock, in the manner of Socrates. One swig and your're done. It is quick and relatively painless.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I have considered hemlock, in the manner of Socrates. One swig and your're done. It is quick and relatively painless.

Same, but where can a person get hemlock? Can you order it online?

 

[Pan]

I am searching for it and will let you know. It is brewed in a tea.

 

[ManWithNoName]

If you are too scared to die, then it simply is not your time to die.

 

[restingspot]

If you are too scared to die, then it simply is not your time to die.

Not necessarily. Very few people are genuinely ready to die. It's simply a biological reaction, because at the end of the day, we're a species of animal. Very smart animals (or not, if you ask other people), but animals nonetheless. Our bodies are programmed with intense fears of death to prevent us from going into dangerous situations. It's self-preservation. SI doesn't just occur shortly before or during a suicide attempt. Infact it plagues people more casually and more often than we think.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Not necessarily. Very few people are genuinely ready to die. It's simply a biological reaction, because at the end of the day, we're a species of animal. Very smart animals (or not, if you ask other people), but animals nonetheless. Our bodies are programmed with intense fears of death to prevent us from going into dangerous situations. It's self-preservation. SI doesn't just occur shortly before or during a suicide attempt. Infact it plagues people more casually and more often than we think.

I've been close to the edge, then I've come back, close to the edge, then come back...for me there is an ebb and flow to the urge to call it quits. I suspect that one day things are going to get so bad that I'll not hesitate and follow through...but I will have to be in a really ugly place in my life, and I suspect it is coming at some point—and no SI will intervene.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Same, but where can a person get hemlock? Can you order it online?

I think it was hemlock that Socrates took when he was condemned by the government to die. It all sounds almost romantic to go out the way a famous early philosopher did, but it is my understanding that it is a grueling and painful way to go, plus one cannot simply eat a few leaves and die. Whatever agent ingredient in that plant that causes death would have to be extracted and concentrated.