Venting Don’t wanna be here

[SuffrInSilence]

I just don't want to keep doing this, I'm just done. I'm fucking exhausted.
and I don't want to explain it anymore. I don't want to list the people in my life and why they don't care, I don't want to talk about work and home and my childhood as though it makes any difference, I'm so goddamn sick of talking about it, I just want to Die.

I have been suicidal since I was a child. It doesn't get better. It's been more than 10 years. I just want to stop.
I don't have reasons to live anymore. I have reasons not to die, people who will get hurt and people who need me and stuff but having reasons not to die is not the same thing as having reasons to live. I have nothing to live for, my life is just shit. My head is just shit.
and I would like the people who say "just keep going" and "you're not alone" and all the inane bullshit to try living one week of my life with my head and my trauma and then see how they feel.

I don't want to be here anymore. People say that no one wants to die, they just want the pain to stop and all that, it's not true, I want to die. I want to be dead. I would rather be dead than have someone come with a magic want and fix everything. I dont just want to stop hurting, I want to stop breathing.

 

[MakeUpAName4Me]

Exactly how I feel man..I wish they could see what's in my head

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I would personally choose death over any kind of life. I see life itself as being the problem and I have a strong dislike for simply just existing. I've also been suicidal since a very young age. I think that it isn't worth talking about these topics with people who could never understand. I cannot stand any of that toxic positivity, it's just so annoying and makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[SuffrInSilence]

I understand, I would personally choose death over any kind of life. I see life itself as being the problem and I have a strong dislike for simply just existing. I've also been suicidal since a very young age. I think that it isn't worth talking about these topics with people who could never understand. I cannot stand any of that toxic positivity, it's just so annoying and makes me want to ctb even more.

It's that isn't it. They have bad days and maybe bad months or years and maybe think about hurting themself or ctb to make it stop but it's not just trauma. I have trauma, I get that, but before all that happened I still wanted to die. It's like the wires in my head are fried and they aren't just going to get better. Time won't fix this.