“Don’t speak ill of the dead” is BS

[WitheringAway]

I don't understand why were taught to never speak ill of the dead. I for one, will not be mourning the death of my abuser. As well as any abuser/pedophile/cheater etc. I will speak ill of the dead here, and gladly. But I will be sad on behalf of those who were groomed, abused, and/or affected by them for better and for worse. These feelings are valid and no one should feel bad or guilty about them. ALWAYS the truth should be spoken of, for death does not make one a saint. Honestly sick of friends and family members trying to shut me up when I bring up how horrible and abusive my dead ex husband was. I'm not afraid to tell it like it was just because he's dead. I'm sure if the roles were reversed he would speak ill of me. So for all of you out there who have abusive dead relatives, don't be afraid to express your feelings and move forward.... it's ok to speak ill of the dead.

 

[BeyondGoodNEvil]

you can always talk shit about a person dead or alive
but are you bringing it up to everone that he was shit person or is it only when they ask you about him.either way just say he was an asshole and dont go into detail.if you still feel mad shit on his corpse or something
hes dead its not like your going to hurt his feelings

 

[littlelungs]

I agree. Just because someone is dead, that doesn't suddenly nullify how much of a piece of shit they were or all of the awful things that they did when they were alive.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, just because somebody has died, doesn't mean the people affected by their actions have forgot what has been done to them. Trauma can last a lifetime.

 

[WitheringAway]

just say he was an asshole and dont go into detail.

Will go into SPECIFIC details when I feel like it and rightfully so. whether I'm asked or not.

hes dead its not like your going to hurt his feelings

I know that much. And me talking about him is about acknowledging the suffering and sorting out my feelings towards the tragic life I had with him. Doesn't revolve around him or his dead feelings.

 

[nex]

There's no reason not to bash the dead. I mean, it's not like they feel bad about it or something.

And in many cases, that is actually unfortunate. A lot of dead people would deserve to suffer for the shit they've done. It is unfair that they got away by dying. There are so many people who should have paid instead of getting away with death.

Nobody's worth of any respect for the dead if they were vermin. Actually it can be important to remember the vermin for what they were.

 

[WitheringAway]

There's no reason not to bash the dead. I mean, it's not like they feel bad about it or something.

And in many cases, that is actually unfortunate. A lot of dead people would deserve to suffer for the shit they've done. It is unfair that they got away by dying. There are so many people who should have paid instead of getting away with death.

Nobody's worth of any respect for the dead if they were vermin. Actually it can be important to remember the vermin for what they were.

Couldn't have said it better.. thank you.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Mm, it is kind of silly that we're taught/encouraged to only ever say good things about those who have passed. Death doesn't change the fact that they were a human being with flaws, it doesn't make the things they've done go away.

Reminds me of how issues such as childhood trauma are still just brushed aside. We don't talk about such things; people get uncomfortable and would possibly need to confront their own pasts. I say talk about it. Talk about what people did, don't hesitate to be honest about who they were. Fuck it.

 

[WitheringAway]

Mm, it is kind of silly that we're taught/encouraged to only ever say good things about those who have passed. Death doesn't change the fact that they were a human being with flaws, it doesn't make the things they've done go away.

Reminds me of how issues such as childhood trauma are still just brushed aside. We don't talk about such things; people get uncomfortable and would possibly need to confront their own pasts. I say talk about it. Talk about what people did, don't hesitate to be honest about who they were. Fuck it.

I agree!! thank you!
I miss seeing you around the forum. How have you been?

 

[MellowAvenue]

I've always found it odd how it at least seems like human nature is to scrutinize someone as harshly as possible in life but then try and forgive and forget how awful someone was and focus on only the good after death. I guess the latter makes sense, they want to try to remember a loved one in a positive light, but why not pay people the same respect in life? Just because they can't actually continue to be shitty doesn't mean that the shitty impact they left on others goes away.

Anyway, I agree whitewashing someone to look like a Puritan doesn't help anybody, especially not those most directly impacted by their actions.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I agree!! thank you!
I miss seeing you around the forum. How have you been?

You're welcome. I've been busy, I suppose. Been an interesting couple of months….