Don't have the energy to ctb

[HereToday]

I have everything ready to go for my SN method.
The only thing keeping me here is that I still have some things to do to make life easier for my family afterwards, and also need to write a few suicide notes. They're going to be pages long as I have A LOT to say. Yet for some reason I just can't seem to get started. I think it's partly due to not wanting to relive the traumatic memories I'll be writing about, but also I just have NO energy to do anything. Not even brush my teeth or have a shower.

I've been alternating between sleeping 16 hours a day, or only 3. It doesn't help that I have constant nightmares where I relive my traumatic experiences.
Everything also feels pointless as I know I'm going to die soon, so that might be another factor. At this point everything feels like a huge chore, even writing some damn letters so I can kill myself!

And yes I'm 100% sure I want to do it, have no doubts and am committed to it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[OneBigBlur]

Yup, since setting a rough date I do less and less every day. I can't even be bothered to watch tv anymore much less complete a coherent suicide note.

 

[HereToday]

Yup, since setting a rough date I do less and less every day. I can't even be bothered to watch tv anymore much less complete a coherent suicide note.

Glad I'm not the only one. Everyone talks about experiencing a lift in mood when they set their date, but the only thing I've experienced is a decline in productivity!

 

[waterbottleman]

I'm actually in the same position.

I have my SN and meto, just need to clean my apartment and throw all my belongings in boxes so when I die my stuff is ready to be carried out of the apartment. I don't want my parents to have to clean my apartment and my belongings, the pain will be too much. I also need to write my two suicide notes (will write one to law enforcement explaining how I did it and why, write another one but in a more personal tone to my family).

However Im having a hard time doing this since I spend a large part of my day sleeping and staying in my bed. I figure I'll do it a little bit and over time it'll get accomplished.

I also need to go buy a stuffed animal for when I ctb. I'm so lonely that I want to be hugging a stuffed animal when I drink my SN. I want to be hugging something that at least resembles a life when I go. I'll also have a special pillow with me that my mom bought for me when I ctb.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I would never go the route of SN for various reasons but I wouldn't mind jumping off a bridge.

 

[HereToday]

I'm actually in the same position.

I have my SN and meto, just need to clean my apartment and throw all my belongings in boxes so when I die my stuff is ready to be carried out of the apartment. I don't want my parents to have to clean my apartment and my belongings, the pain will be too much. I also need to write my two suicide notes (will write one to law enforcement explaining how I killed myself and why, write another one that also explains why I killed myself but I'm a more personal tome to my family).

However Im having a hard time doing this since I spend a large part of my day sleeping and staying in my bed. I figure I'll do it a little bit and over time it'll get accomplished.

I also need to go buy a stuffed animal for when I ctb. I'm so lonely that I want to be hugging a stuffed animal when I drink my SN. I want to be hugging something that at least resembles a life when I go.

It must be even more difficult for you to pack up all your things, thankfully I only have a room to sort out rather than an entire apartment. Even when I decided to ctb but hadn't set a date yet, I had far more motivation to do stuff than I do now.

The stuffed animal is such a sweet idea, I hope it brings you comfort. I'll be wearing my ex's sweater and the necklace he gave me. Pretty sad that the only comfort items I want are from my abusive ex but hey that says everything you need to know about me lol. At least I finally got to know what love felt like for a couple of weeks, even if it was just a lie.

I'm going to try to get started on the letters today and do them bit by bit as you say. I don't want to have to stick around much longer. Good luck with your preparation

 

[Tempeste]

What about making a video? Even just on your phone's camera app. Say what you want to say being the real you.

Or maybe this is your minds way of telling you to slow down and think more about things. That perhaps there's something in there, a thought, an idea, that hasn't broken the surface yet and it you wait a bit longer it will have a chance to fight past the despair and hurt and make itself known

 

[HereToday]

What about making a video? Even just on your phone's camera app. Say what you want to say being the real you.

Or maybe this is your minds way of telling you to slow down and think more about things. That perhaps there's something in there, a thought, an idea, that hasn't broken the surface yet and it you wait a bit longer it will have a chance to fight past the despair and hurt and make itself known

That's actually a really good idea, or a voice note could work too. Thanks for that, hadn't even considered it. Seems so much easier than writing pages and pages.
Thanks for your insight

 

[Freedom Believer]

Same here. I just don't have enough energy to do anything anymore.