Hi,
For a long time I wanted to make music. I like music theory. I want to be able to compose, improvise, play many instruments, record them, create synths, mix, write lyrics, sing it. I want to make a complete proper song. And I want to be able to express exact combination of emotions and feelings I have in mind. And do it in many music genres I like and mix them to see what happens. And I'd love to be able to jam with others freely some day.
I slowly learn those things. All of them. I practice them, too, but not that often as I should. I still see progress, so that's good. I still didn't make a full song, but I can see it eventually happen.
I also have si for a long time. I feel many reasons to really think on ctb. At this point I kind of feel comfy thinking about it, although it still makes my eyes wet. Most of my life was strong depression and struggling with so many things. I had it better for a while like never before in my life, but recently something happened and I lost my hope again.
I feel like making music is one of those things that makes me postpone my ctb. Like it seems interesting to do, even if I'm lazy to practice. I have some song ideas I'd like to finish. One of them is about suicide, but in a subtle double meaning way. Like on surface it's not about suicide, but could be interpreted that way if one has really experienced strong si and maybe even decided to ctb. I feel it's quite elegant way to express my si without telling anyone irl and maybe make it more obvious when or if I finally ctb myself.
I have a question for you. Do you feel similar to what I described? Had similar thoughts? Do you play some instrument? Want to learn one? Write lyrics? Express yourself through music? Have you created your very own songs already? Do you like them? Do you want more? Do you feel like your artistic soul wants it? Ok, that's more than a question, but I'm curious. Please tell me!
For a long time I wanted to make music. I like music theory. I want to be able to compose, improvise, play many instruments, record them, create synths, mix, write lyrics, sing it. I want to make a complete proper song. And I want to be able to express exact combination of emotions and feelings I have in mind. And do it in many music genres I like and mix them to see what happens. And I'd love to be able to jam with others freely some day.
I slowly learn those things. All of them. I practice them, too, but not that often as I should. I still see progress, so that's good. I still didn't make a full song, but I can see it eventually happen.
I also have si for a long time. I feel many reasons to really think on ctb. At this point I kind of feel comfy thinking about it, although it still makes my eyes wet. Most of my life was strong depression and struggling with so many things. I had it better for a while like never before in my life, but recently something happened and I lost my hope again.
I feel like making music is one of those things that makes me postpone my ctb. Like it seems interesting to do, even if I'm lazy to practice. I have some song ideas I'd like to finish. One of them is about suicide, but in a subtle double meaning way. Like on surface it's not about suicide, but could be interpreted that way if one has really experienced strong si and maybe even decided to ctb. I feel it's quite elegant way to express my si without telling anyone irl and maybe make it more obvious when or if I finally ctb myself.
I have a question for you. Do you feel similar to what I described? Had similar thoughts? Do you play some instrument? Want to learn one? Write lyrics? Express yourself through music? Have you created your very own songs already? Do you like them? Do you want more? Do you feel like your artistic soul wants it? Ok, that's more than a question, but I'm curious. Please tell me!
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