E
excinephile
Member
- Aug 20, 2024
- 11
The thing is I suffer tremendously on a daily basis. It's horrific 10/10 anguish and I'm completely hopeless when it comes to recovery. However I somehow still manage to stay in touch with quite a lot of old friends who know me from just a year ago when I was a super upbeat and popular guy. So I somehow still profit from my past self's social achievements. And whenever I pop a benzo which makes me minimally more functional and able to meet someone I immediatly start clinging to life again instead of seeing it as a process of letting go. That makes CTB even more dificult bc I have all these ongoing relationships distracting me from my goal of ending my life. I imagine that withdrawing from your social circle might make this easier. On the other hand it makes the weeks/months/years leading up to the act even more lonely and miserable. I'm interested in your thoughts about this paradox.