Discussion Does relationships help you with your suicidal intent specifically?

[ABadPerson]

Currently I'm in a new relationship, as well as have been in the past, but I have noticed that despite that my current partner being someone that I genuinely loved for once I still kept my need for death entirely.

It's more-so that I unfairly have been seeing them as though they are my only meaning to life and I am far beneath them rather than someone that I view as an equal; I don't believe I deserve them at all in all their cuteness, it makes me more depressed even thinking about it.
It does drive me to be as hard-working and caring as possible, practically showering them with love and all but I can't shake the feeling I would never be enough or WILL ever be enough, nor do I have any care towards life itself, just them and only them.

I still plan to die eventually, I just want to do it in a way that hurts them the least.

What about you all?

 

[charlavail]

nope! if anything, being in a relationship and the fact that someone can leave me makes things 100x worse.

 

[nails]

i've never been in one (lol), but i think it'd make things a lot worse. i'm not sure, though. i think about it often, but i'm still conflicted.
having friends in my life usually results in me procrastinating my ctb, so i imagine it'd be the same with a romantic partner. still, over the past 1-2 years, i've become so paranoid that it's kind of funny. the closer i get to someone, the more paranoid i become. so i'd probably lose my mind in a romantic relationship.
idk how it would go. i guess it's useless to dwell on it anyway

I don't believe I deserve them at all in all their cuteness, it makes me more depressed even thinking about it.

yap incoming because i see a lot of people say stuff like this and i find it a little interesting.
i don't have anyone in my life atm, but i've had similar thoughts in the past when i did know people. i still think it to an extent; like, "well, i'm not deserving of friends or care". in retrospect, it doesn't make much sense (tbf, being depressed makes you a bit nonsensical about some things). what makes one person "deserving" of another person? what makes someone unworthy of someone else's company? i'd only understand if one party was especially horrible and the other party was amazing, but even that cancels out in a lot of cases. if you know someone's a horrible person and you choose to associate yourself with them anyway, then you're just as bad—unless there's some other underlying context, of course. a lot of factors can affect that perspective, but i don't think i need to yap any further.
if you treat them well and you're not a horrible person (actively and intentionally spreading harm to others—which most of us aren't really doing tbh), then i don't see why you wouldn't "deserve" them.

 

[ABadPerson]

i've never been in one (lol), but i think it'd make things a lot worse. i'm not sure, though. i think about it often, but i'm still conflicted.
having friends in my life usually results in me procrastinating my ctb, so i imagine it'd be the same with a romantic partner. still, over the past 1-2 years, i've become so paranoid that it's kind of funny. the closer i get to someone, the more paranoid i become. so i'd probably lose my mind in a romantic relationship.
idk how it would go. i guess it's useless to dwell on it anyway

yap incoming because i see a lot of people say stuff like this and i find it a little interesting.
i don't have anyone in my life atm, but i've had similar thoughts in the past when i did know people. i still think it to an extent; like, "well, i'm not deserving of friends or care". in retrospect, it doesn't make much sense (tbf, being depressed makes you a bit nonsensical about some things). what makes one person "deserving" of another person? what makes someone unworthy of someone else's company? i'd only understand if one party was especially horrible and the other party was amazing, but even that cancels out in a lot of cases. if you know someone's a horrible person and you choose to associate yourself with them anyway, then you're just as bad—unless there's some other underlying context, of course. a lot of factors can affect that perspective, but i don't think i need to yap any further.
if you treat them well and you're not a horrible person (actively and intentionally spreading harm to others—which most of us aren't really doing tbh), then i don't see why you wouldn't "deserve" them.

Personally it's my own scars and sins just catching up to me, I also recognise a pattern where I just hurt people and ruin everything whether intentional or not, even with how careful I am now with it all it doesn't change that I was the main constant.
I'm too unstable around people as well, ironically you seemed to have described my mind perfectly with your own struggles...

But still, thank you for the kind words, I hope you take those words into account yourself since I genuinely believe that you do deserve to be around others too and find your own people. Well, I certainly didn't get the impression that you are in any way a horrible person from the posts I've seen from you at least, and certainly not here.

 

[Asya]

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[nails]

Personally it's my own scars and sins just catching up to me, I also recognise a pattern where I just hurt people and ruin everything whether intentional or not, even with how careful I am now with it all it doesn't change that I was the main constant.
I'm too unstable around people as well, ironically you seemed to have described my mind perfectly with your own struggles...

hurting people, burdening others, etc. is just something that comes with existing tho. if you're not intentionally harming anyone and you're doing what you can to avoid needlessly, unintentionally hurting others/ease the harm already caused, then there's really nothing wrong and you're just existing atp. i wouldn't dwell on it for too long, but i get that's easier said than done.

But still, thank you for the kind words, I hope you take those words into account yourself since I genuinely believe that you do deserve to be around others too and find your own people. Well, I certainly didn't get the impression that you are in any way a horrible person from the posts I've seen from you at least, and certainly not here.

thank you