Venting Does it ever make you sad that it had to come to this?

[Neogoloid]

Just been thinking a lot recently since these are my last days on this planet. Reminiscing on the few good times I did have. Content and media I enjoyed, games I liked, places I went, laughs I had. It's crazy. Had I just been born under the right circumstances, I would've thrived and I would've truly been happy.

Life is a game of luck and I just lost, simple as that. Just sucks really. If I had've been born tall, white and handsome and into a wealthy family. I could've had everything I ever wanted and so much more. Could've grew up in an oh so beautiful neighborhood with nice nature to look at. Waking up to birds chirping every morning, look outside see all the trees and bushes. Squirrels and what not. A nice neighborhood full of natural scenery. So much potential in life, so much to explore. I could go on forever about this and in detail. It's been on my mind a lot recently.

And all the girls would be attracted to me, and I would know what true love feels like, to have a woman truly love me, and to know that I'm really attractive. Would be amazing. And I could find the woman of my dreams and marry her and maybe have kids. That would be nice.

Just things I think about, I just think about how much better things could've gone if I had the right cards. But oh well I guess. I mean all good things come to an end eventually anyways. Which is why non existence is the best state you can achieve. Would be nice to be reborn one more time though. Just to know what it's like to experience the perfect life.

 

[FuneralCry]

Not for me, I see ceasing to exist as a positive thing, unlike many people I'd prefer to not exist regardless of the circumstances. I see existence as a harmful imposition that just causes suffering, so no I won't be sad to be free from it, in fact for me eternal non-existence is all I want, I see death as the only relief. I agree though that non-existence is the best state as one cannot suffer from the absence of everything and there is no need for anything if one is eternally unaware. In my case I'm not meant to suffer in this hellish reality and what I ultimately have a problem with is existence itself.

 

[gbi2]

Just been thinking a lot recently since these are my last days on this planet. Reminiscing on the few good times I did have. Content and media I enjoyed, games I liked, places I went, laughs I had. It's crazy. Had I just been born under the right circumstances, I would've thrived and I would've truly been happy.

Life is a game of luck and I just lost, simple as that. Just sucks really. If I had've been born tall, white and handsome and into a wealthy family. I could've had everything I ever wanted and so much more. Could've grew up in an oh so beautiful neighborhood with nice nature to look at. Waking up to birds chirping every morning, look outside see all the trees and bushes. Squirrels and what not. A nice neighborhood full of natural scenery. So much potential in life, so much to explore. I could go on forever about this and in detail. It's been on my mind a lot recently.

And all the girls would be attracted to me, and I would know what true love feels like, to have a woman truly love me, and to know that I'm really attractive. Would be amazing. And I could find the woman of my dreams and marry her and maybe have kids. That would be nice.

Just things I think about, I just think about how much better things could've gone if I had the right cards. But oh well I guess. I mean all good things come to an end eventually anyways. Which is why non existence is the best state you can achieve. Would be nice to be reborn one more time though. Just to know what it's like to experience the perfect life.

I know I've been treated badly and I wish someone would do something to get the right people to see it because I ahve ideas and good intent to produce things that would benefit a lot of people. For example while working in the NHS I saw how I could develop a system to help with their stock replenishment. I believe I could have mustered together a loose team of staff within the NHS to put ideas for ward and maybe ebven contribute to programming and designing it. And this would all be done for free, saving many many thousands of pounds for the Trust.

But my ex line manager has prevented that from happening due to his own sick head (he said he lovers conflict and annoying people, and said he does things at work, such as request career breaks he knows wont get granted, just to create paperwork to piss off his boss and HR). They listened to his lies and now wont employ me again. He is milking the NHS, he told me he only ahs about 3 days of work to do a month, then he has nothing to do, and no one realises that. When I have experienced working with someone like him, I can fully understand how people like Lucy Letby get away with things, with the level of denial going on with Admin and HR
I had a worse, but similar expereince in the job before that. I'm not really one to let things get to me but the cognitive failures crept up on me and now I can't fucntion.

There is always somethiong I get wrong in everything I do - I am probably still at a good performing level - but I'm not able to perform to MY best which should be a lot more. and that frustrates me so much. I can only begin to move on now if people can do certain things for me but all I get is people telling me what I could do. That's not the help I need.

I can't handle it anymore having to deal with people who don't get it.

 

[BlazingBob]

Yes, all the time

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Yep. More often than not, I find myself thinking about how I find life so miserable to the point where I see CTB as the one valid, or inevitable, option.

It doesn't make me sad when I think of CTB restricted to myself because I can at least come up with the excuse that it was simply meant to be. I had a good foundation to start my life off with, and I still messed up. Plus, going through with CTB seems like a logical solution; if there's a piece of trash just lying around, you'd throw it away too, no?

What makes me sad is the fact that I'm not alone. There's a bunch of other people who're going through worse and are also considering CTB due to the circumstances of their situation, yet no one is trying to do anything to help them other than superficial words in order placate them into not taking their own lives. Anti-CTB individuals have their priorities mixed up: People don't need someone to tell them to not CTB since it's not an outsider's place to determine what they can and can't do anyway, but they do need people to actually fix what's causing them to be suicidal in the first place. This is such a simple concept, yet no one seems to get the memo. That is what makes me sad.

I know myself, so I know I don't deserve anyone stopping me from CTB. However, there's some good people on here that just got fucked by life, but they're being ignored by the outside world.

 

[piddincir]

Just been thinking a lot recently since these are my last days on this planet. Reminiscing on the few good times I did have. Content and media I enjoyed, games I liked, places I went, laughs I had. It's crazy. Had I just been born under the right circumstances, I would've thrived and I would've truly been happy.

Life is a game of luck and I just lost, simple as that. Just sucks really. If I had've been born tall, white and handsome and into a wealthy family. I could've had everything I ever wanted and so much more. Could've grew up in an oh so beautiful neighborhood with nice nature to look at. Waking up to birds chirping every morning, look outside see all the trees and bushes. Squirrels and what not. A nice neighborhood full of natural scenery. So much potential in life, so much to explore. I could go on forever about this and in detail. It's been on my mind a lot recently.

And all the girls would be attracted to me, and I would know what true love feels like, to have a woman truly love me, and to know that I'm really attractive. Would be amazing. And I could find the woman of my dreams and marry her and maybe have kids. That would be nice.

Just things I think about, I just think about how much better things could've gone if I had the right cards. But oh well I guess. I mean all good things come to an end eventually anyways. Which is why non existence is the best state you can achieve. Would be nice to be reborn one more time though. Just to know what it's like to experience the perfect life.

Dude, this is so sad to read, I am truly sorry that life has been so shit for you and led you this way. Life is a lottery that few truly win.

I won, had the truest of loves but lost it all when she took her own life, love was all I wanted in life and I am grateful I got to experience it and it breaks my heart that so many don't but I lost it all. She was beautiful, smart and born into a wealthy family but was still dealt a shit hand in life, a cruel family, sexual abuse and mental health problems. We lived is a beautiful place and were deeply in love but even having all these things doesn't always guarantee happiness.

Life is hard, and sounds like it's been extra shit for you and im sorry for that man, you sound like you would have a lot of love in your heart if you were to find it and that's even more cruel. Some people don't want to exist and that's fine but sounds like you're tired of existing and I don't blame you.

Wishing you the best mate hope you find peace whatever you choose

 

[Kit1]

It is heartbreaking to read about how you feel - everyone deserves a good life and every single human being deserves to be happy (without hurting anyone else). I am so sorry that this was not the case for you.

I find suffering a strange concept for myself - yes I have suffered a lot through child sexual abuse and every form of child abuse, homelessness as a young teenager, a number of medical challenges etc. However there are lots of people worse off than me. What makes me sad is that despite the SI (connected to SI, flashbacks, trauma, medical conditions etc), I actually reached out for help to my doctor a couple of years ago - which was a massive step for me as I don't trust people easily. Essentially they let me down as well and in the end, it is the medics who I thought might save me that are sounding my funeral bells. It is sad to know that up and down the world, so many of us have been let down even when we have tried to fight to try and stay alive and ultimately the doctors who took an oath to save lives are inevitably screwing the last few nails on the coffin. I never want to come back to earth - not even to see the incredible beauty of this planet with so much love and innocence - because within that is a betrayal that is so horrible and ugly that it is not worth the risk.

Just sad that people who are supposed to look after us - as children our parents, religious people who were supposed to protect, as adults doctors who were supposed to care. What a waste of a life built on betrayal. Just sad.

 

[greebo6]

Yep. I always wished I could be normal , not so ugly and reasonably happy like other people.
I'm scared of the noose I have to use but it must be my destiny.....

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

No because I have never really enjoyed life anyway.
A lifetime of persistent, untreatable mental illness meant that ctb would be inevitable anyway.
I'm happy to be ending my existence sometime in the near future.