Help Does he like me? (He's a Yahtzee and I'm black.)

[BoyRepellent]

I've had a lot, like, a lot of issues with boys/men for my entire life if I'm being honest. But, as of late, it's been pretty, pretty bad.

For the first time, a boy expressed mutual romantic interest in me. However, about a few weeks ago, I cut him off because he didn't want to be in a relationship with me due to my mental illness. And I cried a lot.
Regardless, I've been trying to move on, I guess. The only reason I started to talk to him was because I was trying to get over my crush.

I know context is needed, but I really, really, really don't want to relive the memories. It's a lot. Even so, if you'd like to know more, I'll respond to any questions because...I need answers. For now, all I'll say is he used to be really, really mean to me, but now, all of a sudden, he's not.

We met in basic training in May of last year as holdovers. We discharged (I got a Chap. 5-10. He got a Chap. 11.) on the same day (Jun. 28, 2024), but we've been texting ever since.
Like I said, he used to be really mean to me. I'd cry about life to him and he'd ignore me or tell me off, saying I act like his bipolar mother or schizophrenic grandmother.

Because of this, I began to internalize his words, withdrawing--especially after a really big incident in November, which caused him to block me. Although, ever since then, he's changed. It's been really, really apparent ever since the start of the year. Now, he's like 'Don't forget, you can talk to me.', etc., etc.
Whenever I'm really upset, I'll deactivate my account, then come back after a couple days to a week. And he'll get mad at me. Saying 'Don't do that. Stop fucking doing that. You're worrying me.'

I've tried asking him about the switch in behavior and, for the longest, he'd deflect by telling me to shut up or saying I'm bugging.
Before I started questioning him, he admitted he 'used to be cold to me', but never went into any further detail.
Context: we were talking about his past failed relationship.
Regardless, after a while, I got him to give me an answer and he said 'I want to help people.' I don't believe that for a variety of reasons. Politically-speaking, he's evil. I am not exaggerating. He's a...Yahtzee... IYKYK.

You may be thinking 'We are you entertaining a Yahtzee?' I say 'why is he entertaining me?' I'm black. If I'm being honest, I'm lonely. I know that's not an excuse, but I'm trauma bonded to him.

Anyway, like I said, I don't believe that, so I started to ask him again--but this time, I really, really started to call him out. At first, I'd ask 'Why are you talking to me?' This time, I was like 'I'm confused. You said I act like your family and you can't deal with it, but now, you're telling me to open up.' His responses consisted of:
'Ur bugging'
'Stop being confused'
'[My last name], you're supposed to stop having mental breakdowns !!!' *Talking like a drill sargeant

I deactivated my account. He might've been drunk or high. Again. He's been drinking and getting high a lot as of late.
Like I said, he's my crush, so I'd like it if he liked me, but I know it wouldn't be a good thing because:
1. He's a Yahtzee and I'm black.
2. Even if he wasn't a Yahtzee, he's super toxic.
* I brought up the different boy in the beginning because even if it'll hurt, I am capable of cutting a person off.

We planned on meeting up, but it fell through because he lost his job. I did ask him, like, a couple months back why he talked to me, a black woman, despite being a Yahtzee, and now that I'm thinking about it (his response)...it's so frustrating, but so funny.He said 'I think you're unique. I've never met a crazy black person before. Usually it's white men that are crazy.'
As far as I know, he doesn't have any other female friends. He does have another black friend, which is...

I need answers.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Fist off, just say nazi. This isn't TikTok. You aren't going to get in trouble for just saying saying nazi.

Secondly, who cares if he 'likes' you or not? If he is a nazi and that toxic then you should just try to avoid him.

Look, it's actually not uncommon for some neo-nazis to have partners who are POC. As to why this is, I don't know, but this type of scenario happens enough that it's become commonly joked about. A lot of these types of relationships tend to be incredibly abusive. My mom has talked about meeting black women who ended up getting with racist white men (usually they didn't know about them being incredibly racist until way later into the relationship) and then going on to get abused by their partner. With that in mind, I beg you to please avoid this man. It's clear that he has little to no respect for you as a person.

 

[BoyRepellent]

Fist off, just say nazi. This isn't TikTok. You aren't going to get in trouble for just saying saying nazi.

Secondly, who cares if he 'likes' you or not? If he is a nazi and that toxic then you should just try to avoid him.

Look, it's actually not uncommon for some neo-nazis to have partners who are POC. As to why this is, I don't know, but this type of scenario happens enough that it's become commonly joked about. A lot of these types of relationships tend to be incredibly abusive. My mom has talked about meeting black women who ended up getting with racist white men (usually they didn't know about them being incredibly racist until way later into the relationship) and then going on to get abused by their partner. With that in mind, I beg you to please avoid this man. It's clear that he has little to no respect for you as a person.

Haha. I appreciate it. I wasn't sure if I could say nazi or not.
Regardless, thank you. Like I said, I know it wouldn't be a good thing if he liked me, but I'm tired of the confusion. He won't give me an answer, so I came to SaSu.

 

[Gamelle]

Why do you think he's talking to you? A man can hate you, view you as less than, view as subhuman and still want to have sex with you. Being nice to you isn't proof that he "likes you". It means he wants something from you. Simply put- he realizes you have low self esteem, you confide him, you're desperate for male attention and he wants an easy fuck. It's really that simple.

OP, as gently as possible, you seem to place far too much of your self worth into men. Stop confiding your mental health problems into random men. All you're doing is attracting predators. It's like blood to sharks. You need to take a break from dating altogether. You don't have to be in a relationship. You need to focus on managing your mental health before you even think about dealing with men because dating while struggling mentally is like throwing food out for predators.

 

[missedmybus]

This might sound confusing, but hear me out.

Sometimes, things aren't as black and white as they seem, especially when it comes to people's beliefs and feelings. Let me break it down for you:

Labels Aren't Everything: We often try to fit people into categories like "left-wing" or "right-wing," but it's not always that simple. The horseshoe theory suggests that people on the far ends of the political spectrum can actually have a lot in common, like being really strict or intolerant.

Racism Has Changed: The way we think about racism has evolved over time. It's not just about hating someone; it can be a deep-seated fear of the unknown or different.

We're All a Bit Biased: Racism can be seen as a leftover instinct from our tribal past. We're all a little bit biased because our brains are wired to be cautious of what's unfamiliar.

4. Different Kinds of Racism:.
Some people might have racist thoughts but don't actually mean any harm. Some are obsessed with race, and it affects every part of their life. This can sometimes manifest as a fetishization of other races, where they fixate on skin color or cultural differences in an unhealthy way.

5. Racism Isn't Just Right-Wing: You can find racism on both sides of the political spectrum. There are even left-wing racists ([source](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1985-20155-001)), and sometimes people think they're helping but are actually being racist, like the "white savior" complex ([source](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_savior)).

6. Nazism Is Complicated: Nazism mixes nationalism and socialism, and it's not always clear-cut. Some versions lean more left, others more right.

7. Extremes Can Look Alike: The horseshoe theory shows that far-left and far-right groups can act similarly, like being authoritarian or using violence to get what they want.

When someone with extreme views, like a Nazi, seems to show genuine concern for you, it opens up the possibility that their feelings could be more complex than simple hatred or malice.

 

[Endofpain]

A lot of racists fetishize skin colour. Race is on their mind 24/7 so it affects all domains their life.

There are also a lot of different strains of Nazism. Some have more left wing ideas, some less. Some more right wing than others.

It is difficult to split up into left and right wing ideas, as these terms generally used to describe different things.

This is why it's difficult to pinpoint what people mean by left and right.

Racism is not an exclusively right wing idea. It is an an instinct, a feeling an attitude. A leftover from tribalism. Everybody is a bit racist, because our evolution has programmed us to be scared of the other, the unknown.

There are racist left wingers: (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1985-20155-001).

There is also "benign" racism:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_savior.

Nazism is a syncretic ideology of Nationalism and Socialism, hence the name National Socialism. It used to be considered a Third Position ideology.

Over the years Nazism has come to mean the extreme right.

Almost nothing is black and white. Most things are on a spectrum.

Thank you for clarifying. Also the political views of a person has absolutely nothing to do with how they treat others.
It always depends on the actions of the individual in question.

 

[missedmybus]

When I was a young teen without friends we had a lot of neonazi skinheads in my town.

These type of people look for vulnerable people to convert to their ideology.

So they befriended me. I was finally part of a group of friends. They were wild and fun too. I never considered myself a nazi. But I guess by association I was.

This period of my life (13-14 years old) has shaped my ideas on racism and nazism.

I notice in my love life I have dated way more girls from other races than mine. Never out of malice or thinking I'm superior. Just a fact. There might be fetish aspect to this.

I probably am internally more racist than most people by my own definition (and maybe yours).

Not on purpose, by instinct, and because I came into contact with these people.

I try to work on this as much as I can.

Because of this, I have thought about, and researched all these things much more than most people.

Your story reminded me of myself and some worries/doubts I have, so I am speaking from personal experience and from facts.

Hope it helps you in some way.

 

[BoyRepellent]

When I was a young teen without friends we had a lot of neonazi skinheads in my town.

These type of people look for vulnerable people to convert to their ideology.

So they befriended me. I was finally part of a group of friends. They were wild and fun too. I never considered myself a nazi. But I guess by association I was.

This period of my life (13-14 years old) has shaped my ideas on racism and nazism.

I notice in my love life I have dated way more girls from other races than mine. Never out of malice or thinking I'm superior. Just a fact. There might be fetish aspect to this.

I probably am internally more racist than most people by my own definition (and maybe yours).

Not on purpose, by instinct, and because I came into contact with these people.

I try to work on this as much as I can.

Because of this, I have thought about, and researched all these things much more than most people.

Your story reminded me of myself and some worries/doubts I have, so I am speaking from personal experience and from facts.

Hope it helps you in some way.

Even so... I feel like I need to give more context.

I told our shared friend that I liked him and he said 'I told him that I wanted a Japanese wife...' Context: Our shared friend is white. '...and he said that I shouldn't race-mix because children born of mixed-race will develop bad organs and etc., etc.'
This was about a year ago and this came from our shared friend, not him. He has never ever, ever talked about race-mixing with me, especially not it being bad 'til a week ago. A week ago, I told him a story from my childhood; about the last time I visited my father. The last time I visited my father, he abused his fiancée in front of me. Context: My father is black. His fiancée is white.
For the most part, I was being genuine, just venting--but I knew what I was doing by bringing it up. I wanted to see what he had to say and he said 'That's how interracial relationships work out. That's what happens to white women who 'coalburn'.'
I found his responses to be humorous because he had nothing to say about the inverse (black women and white men). I don't know if it's because we were talking about my black father and his white fiancée, but he had the opportunity and it was like he was refraining from doing so, saying 'Black men are violent.' Once again, he has a black friend. A black male friend.

What I'm trying to get at is I understand...but I don't understand. I know people can treat people fairly (or unfairly), despite their political views, but I feel like those people tend to be unaware of the fact that they're opposing their political views. I feel like he knows he's opposing his political views, but won't admit it. He himself is mixed-race (half-white, half-Filipino). I know it's a little different because Asian people are seen as a model minority, but still... Plus, both of his parents are from Germany, I guess.

Regardless, when we started planning our meet-up, he asked 'When are you coming over?' I was like 'I don't know.' He was like 'You can't come over on the weekdays/weekend (Either or. I can't remember.) because my roommate will be here and he doesn't like anyone that isn't white.'

Am I making sense? It's, like, it's deeper than 'He may not be a nazi. You're imposing the word 'nazi' on him.' or 'He's just a little bit of a racist.' He is a full-blown in a brotherhood, wears an Iron Cross, sent me videos of him dressed-up as a Wehrmacht soldier, sent me pictures of him sieg heiling with someone else as they both held up a nazi flag, makes bombs, shoots guns, fantasizes about killing others-nazi.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be harsh, especially not to you. I am just so, so confused about his intentions.

 

[Gamelle]

Even so... I feel like I need to give more context.

I told our shared friend that I liked him and he said 'I told him that I wanted a Japanese wife...' Context: Our shared friend is white. '...and he said that I shouldn't race-mix because children born of mixed-race will develop bad organs and etc., etc.'
This was about a year ago and this came from our shared friend, not him. He has never ever, ever talked about race-mixing with me, especially not it being bad 'til a week ago. A week ago, I told him a story from my childhood; about the last time I visited my father. The last time I visited my father, he abused his fiancée in front of me. Context: My father is black. His fiancée is white.
For the most part, I was being genuine, just venting--but I knew what I was doing by bringing it up. I wanted to see what he had to say and he said 'That's how interracial relationships work out. That's what happens to white women who 'coalburn'.'
I found his responses to be humorous because he had nothing to say about the inverse (black women and white men). I don't know if it's because we were talking about my black father and his white fiancée, but he had the opportunity to talk about the inverse and it was like he was refraining from doing so, saying 'Black men are violent.' Once again, he has a black friend. A black male friend.

What I'm trying to get at is I understand...but I don't understand. I know people can treat people fairly (or unfairly), despite their political views, but I feel like those people tend to be unaware of the fact that they're opposing their political views. I feel like he knows he's opposing his political views, but won't admit it. He himself is mixed-race (half-white, half-Filipino). I know it's a little different because Asian people are seen as a model minority, but still... Plus, both of his parents are from Germany, I guess.

Regardless, when we started planning our meet-up, he asked 'When are you coming over?' I was like 'I don't know.' He was like 'You can't come over on the weekdays/weekend (Either or. I can't remember.) because my roommate will be here and he doesn't like anyone that isn't white.'

Am I making sense? It's, like, it's deeper than 'He may not be a nazi. You're imposing the word 'nazi' on him.' or 'He's just a little bit of a racist.' He is a full-blown in a brotherhood, wears an Iron Cross, sent me videos of him dressed-up as a Wehrmacht soldier, sent me pictures of him sieg heiling with someone else as they both held up a nazi flag, makes bombs, shoots guns, fantasizes about killing others-nazi.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be harsh, especially not to you. I am just so, so confused about his intentions.

Why are you around this man? What do you hope to get out of associating with him?

 

[missedmybus]

Let me try to explain your two situations from my point of view.

Black man with white wife:

Slavery is quite recent event in USA. Slavery in America was inherently racist .Black people tend to think about slavery more than white people.

This might cause a black man to be racist, by my own definition, and cause fetishisation.

In this situation, the power dynamic is the other way around. Black people throughout most of recent history, and current times have been oppressed by white people.This might lead to a inferiority complex aspect and a revenge aspect.



Person who wants Japanese wife

Again, race being on their mind, causing fetishisation and more ideas about race.

Probably has looked into Nazism.

Nazis considered Japanese honorary Aryans.

Again, in my original post, I was not trying to defend the guy, minimize your problems or defend Nazism. Just trying to explain how things like this can happen.

I didn't really understand the thing with the roommate. If you give some more information I will try.