Discussion Does having a partner help?

[Eridanos]

Hello everyone.
I feel unbearably lonely even if I have friends and people to hang out with. I never had a partner though and sometimes I feel an emotion that many would call "love".
I don't know if what I call love is actually it or just a need for an ideal person that could help me solve my problems by being with me and being a shoulder to cry onto. If my true emotion is actually the latter maybe even a relationship is futile since I guess my problems could be never solved.
I see many engaged people that are still depressed (sometimes even more than before) and other ones that actually feel much better.

What are your opinions and experiences?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Having someone there can be helpful, if the trust is built enough then you will be able to tell the other person you need space, and they will respect that. Having someone whom you know is part of your life and your life only in that sense, is amazing, having a support at any time of day and night,
BUT on the flip side, it can be hard as you will never be alone again, yet sometimes being with someone is more lonely then not being with someone, sorry if this is confusing. Also it means you can sometimes carry their troubles with you, which means you give back, this can be a plus, but can be a negative, as said this is confusing sorry!

Love in my eyes cannot be defined, its a feeling that is there or its not, having love in your life, will never solve a problem, but it can help to have someone to walk through it with you.
PS married 11yrs and 6 months so talking from my own personal experience.

 

[LittleJem]

I kind of said goodbye to my boyfriend (again) as I don't feel right being round him when I am so low. It doesn't feel fair. For me, it's kind of more sad to be with someone I care about and still feel so low and suicidal. I feel lonely without him, but am happy to be giving him a break.

I'd say today my main feeling is loneliness - as I have taken two pills that have got rid of my suicidal thoughts today, but I haven't got out of bed

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

It helped, it really helped. Everyone (mostly everyone) need to be loved, hugged and appreciated.
If a person can reciprocate love it really helps to cope with life and mental illness.

 

[BPD Barbie]

For me, no. They break me even more most of the time due to have BPD. It really takes a unique person to make me feel at peace.

 

[your pathologist]

In my experience i tie my own happiness to my partner, which no person should have to be responsible for two depressed souls

 

[SneekUponIt]

No, but my anxiety and depression problems make it impossible, and since the world is meaningless to me now, I'm essentially only a 'shadow' partner. I do love my boyfriend, but he doesn't understand the roots of my issues and it's super fucking awkward. I can't talk to him like I do on here about how deeply checked out of existence I've become, as he will 100% go on a rampage looking for my bus tickets and probably get me locked in a ward as he's anti-choice.

I guess in a way being in this kind of a situation is darkly humorous. He's telling me to try all these strategies to combat my issues which I've already tried several times...he just doesn't understand I'm a sinking ship. I would tell him what my inner reality is like, I've been locked up before after a botched hanging, and will never tell anyone in my personal life anything about my ideas and plans. Besides, while we were briefly broken up, he found out from a mutual friend who visited me in the ward, and he went on a rage about how it was all a manipulation tactic and selfish as hell.

Relationships can be a good distraction if you're not too far gone and you find someone who 'gets you', like in the deepest sense. I can't be happy with this partnership, because in order to truly 'get me', I'd potentially be giving up my ride out of this circus show.

 

[Lost4toolong]

Ill tell you from my experience. Ive mistaken love for a growing need for comfort and connection. And when i have. It has ended horribly for me. Just lost my best female friend of 13 years not too long ago because i got so invested in the comfort she gave me when we tried dating that when she called it off i lost it.

What im getting at is. YES someone else may be able to bring u comfort. NO it does not solve your problems because if they leave good chance your stuck the same if not worse off than before.
If i may dive a little deeper here ill give you an understanding of a few things. Theyre not true for everyone everytime but..

If you dont take care of yourself first. Its likely youll be left feeling like youre always taking in the relationship. Taking their time their energy with none of your own to give back.
You may grow codependant, believing there is no way youll make it through life without them holding your hand.
However its not all bad possibilities
You may find someone who makes it their goal in life to build you up until one day you can stand on your own two feet. Maybe they leave maybe they stay but youre stronger for it.
You might find even a hint of happiness and know that its out there in the world and use it to propel you to new heights.
But maybe u get a horrible significant other who brings you down lower than ever before. Maybe they mean to maybe they dont. Maybe theyre broken too and cant see how much their hurting you...
Who knows.. Just some things to think about

 

[Eren]

It depends on the person, but in my case, loneliness is one of my main reasons for CTB, I am unable to relate normally to others, to have friends, much less have a partner.

 

[Mr2005]

Today it hasn't, tomorrow it might. That's what it's like

 

[BFishy]

It depends on the person, but in my case, loneliness is one of my main reasons for CTB, I am unable to relate normally to others, to have friends, much less have a partner.

I feel exactly the same way. I have a few friends. Being alone without a partner leaves me feeling worthless and unlovable. To me what's the point of life? A guy can treat a woman like shit and she lives him to death. You treat a woman great and you get used, friendzoned or just plain a back turned on you. I don't think I'm ugly but apparently something makes me unworthy.

 

[Eren]

I feel exactly the same way. I have a few friends. Being alone without a partner leaves me feeling worthless and unlovable. To me what's the point of life? A guy can treat a woman like shit and she lives him to death. You treat a woman great and you get used, friendzoned or just plain a back turned on you. I don't think I'm ugly but apparently something makes me unworthy.

In my case I can not have a partner for many reasons, it is horrible, the few "friends" IRL have disappointed me.

 

[Epsilon0]

Noone can save me from the funeral pyre of my suffering.

I burn at the stake, engulfed by the raging fire of Hades, and not even Poseidon himself, with all his oceans, could extinguish me.

Let alone a mortal.

 

[Mr2005]

^ Not even Vangelis?

 

[Epsilon0]

^ Not even Vangelis?

Vangelis in not a mere mortal. He plays his lute for the gods on Mount Olympus.

 

[Donk]

based on my experience having a partner to support does have positive effect but at the of the day you need to find ways to improve your mental health. your partner might not be there forever. sorry for sounding negative

 

[It'llNeverEnd]

partners have always caused me to become this neurotic mess. I'm trying to be comfortable being alone before I move on. it is lonely, but that's only because I have no friends and that's all I really want.

 

[PNKPNDA]

I kind of said goodbye to my boyfriend (again) as I don't feel right being round him when I am so low. It doesn't feel fair. For me, it's kind of more sad to be with someone I care about and still feel so low and suicidal. I feel lonely without him, but am happy to be giving him a break.

I'd say today my main feeling is loneliness - as I have taken two pills that have got rid of my suicidal thoughts today, but I haven't got out of bed

this is exactly how I feel about my boyfriend I just end up pushing him away because I feel it's too unfair for him to deal with all this - despite us being together for over 2years he just can't help really because he doesn't truly understand

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Not always, I've tried talking to my wife in the past she blatantly said she doesn't want to hear anything about CTB. So I'm left masking my who I am trying to enjoy life with her. I love her to death but she's stabbed me in the back in the past. I wish I never got attached to another person. My life is filled with letdowns from other people. I knew better, and in the end this is the one that haunts me. I feel trapped with her because she said if I left she'd kill herself. I obviously don't want anything to happen her, but I'm not sure staying is the best for me. I wish I could go back to when I just worried about me. I was happier when I didn't concern myself with intimate relationships. Stuck honestly trying to figure a way out. Weirdly enough I hope she finds someone else, and that could be my way out.

 

[flower]

sometimes I think things would be better if I had someone, but I know when I was in a relationship in the past I was still fucked up. maybe it takes the edge off, I suppose it depends on your reasons for wanting to die

 

[Final Escape]

I felt engulfed every time I moved in with a guy. I just wanted to be single again after we would move in together lol! It was the BPD or my attachment disorder. It maybe wasn't that I wanted to be single I just wanted my own separate place but maybe live close to each other ideally? Lol! I have a difficult time when I move in with them but I can be with them a few days a week. I wish that was more acceptable and feasible for people like me. That's the only way I might be able to sustain a relationship. I can't stand them when I see them all the time in every setting. It kills it for me lol! Ruins the attraction so bad. Once u see the worst side of people when u move in together I feel like I would lose interest. It sucked, then I began to act out and cause drama.

 

[crazy1]

I always feel like if I was with someone it would somehow solve all my problems, I have a habit of jumping into relationships and 'love' people really fast, but my relationships are always abit of a rollercoaster and generally end quite badly and I end up just hating themand end up making me feel worse. Ive also end up with the wrong people in the past and let myself be hurt just so I wasn't on my own.

 

[BrainDamage]

Well, I think I'm quite loved, even though I still feel alone sometimes. As you said, it is confusing. I think it's because I'm very dependent on others and any lack of contact I feel alone. I don't want to lose anyone, I don't want to be alone, but at the same time I feel toxic. I hope that will change one day ...

 

[Emergency Exit]

if they dont love you , this add more pain and sadness

 

[dandan]

I can not be sure, in twenty years of depression I had a very helpful girlfriend once, she was incredibly funny, but I had this huge LOWS, I had to let her go because I knew I'll CTB one day and make her real sad.... with her I spent my best years during depression...
NOW, im recovering, and I want a partner but im almost 40 so I cant go making girls spend long time with me if I cant commit, or if I wont commit with her because its hard to find a unique special soul to form a couple.

 

[thehungerartist]

in the sense that I'm only alive for my husband...yes. Sometimes I feel like I wish I'd never met him so I could just go without feeling bad but he's also the best thing that's ever happened to me. Ughdhdh I feel stupid even saying this and ungrateful. So yeah it helps me stay alive if that's what you're asking.

 

[porfin1234]

I think it can help if you're willing to help yourself and not completely rely on the other person. If there's a balance, then yea. Otherwise, dependency breeds toxicity.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yes! For me having a partner helps. My partner is amazing and I'd been dead a long time ago, if it wasn't for him. I owe him so much. He has stuck with me through thick and thin. I've put him through so much, and he has always stayed with me. I guess he love me. I'm so grateful!

 

[sadgirl2002]

I think having a partner would help, it would for me. If my true love came back, I would be so happy. I would wake up with so much joy in the morning, even if my day goes bad, the thought of him would be enough to calm me down and give me something to make me feel better. I need so little and I can't even get that, it hurts me so much. I know that having him... a kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, and understanding person like me, would be more than enough for me. Just knowing that I have someone in my life who truly loves me would give all of the happiness in the world. I don't need anything more than that.

 

[It'llNeverEnd]

that's it. we need a dating service. who else is going to get it than someone else who wants/wanted to die?