Does grieving differ based on how they passed?

[Leavesfromthevine]

Obviously everyone grieves differently but do you think it matters if they commit suicide or if they lose their life unexpectedly

I recently had this discussion with someone because I said people who commit suicide don't get mentioned nearly as much as someone who got murdered or died from a car accident. I feel like that's true because suicide is somewhat an action we choose to do to end our suffering.

What is your perspective on this?

 

[user56765567]

The why not the how someone died is a more important discussion to me with the added exception of how someone wants to die as that is also an important discussion to be had too and I don't think it should really matter what kind of death someone chooses to have for themselves as its their body and their choice at the end of the day in my opinion. I do hear about those kind of things being whispered around from time to time whenever there's a death in the community because I do think there's still an air of taboo and even demonization over such things verses something like being murder or being killed in car accident because of it being out of their control to be killed. I think it's sad the way most people in our societies still go with the old traditional ways of thinking about such things instead of having more open minded discussions about such topics. I think if people were to choose to grieve differently it should be more over the why someone died verses how someone choose to do it whether it be in the natural decay or your own choice sense but I can understand it when it unexpectedly happens to someone and why someone might grieve that more over verses someone choosing to leave on their own terms but I think the context of what lead to someone making their own decision is usually not talked about enough in my opinion and should be grieve at too especially if life was unfair and cruel to them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I haven't experienced grief from a suicide- only natural death but I imagine there are differences. And further differences between that and an accident or murder. I think regardless- when someone is considered to have died before their time- that could even be via a sudden illness- there is anger involved as well as deep grief and a sense of tragedy. Where that anger goes depends on the death. If it was an accident- culpability is often sought. If it's murder- then obviously, everyone can blame and despise the murderer. Even with illnesses- those so inclined to believe may feel anger at God. The obvious problem with suicide is that that blame falls on the person. Sometimes- you do sense anger in those left behind- 'How could you have done this to me?'

I expect sometimes- that's too difficult for them to cope with so- they blame mental illness, which could have played a part- obviously- but doesn't necessarily mean that person couldn't rationalise. Then they blame places like here and the company that sold them the method for enabling their loved ones suicide. They may even think their loved one was coerced- if they don't want to believe they would have made that decision by themselves.

Plus- there's guilt. We may all experience guilt if a long lost relative dies and we hadn't made enough effort to keep in touch with them. (I have that.) But, when it's a suicide- that person was obviously struggling. Those left behind are bound to be asking themselves- could they have done more to help? Could they have prevented it in fact? That can't be easy to live with. Not that it solves everything but that's why I think it's important to leave a note to say that there's nothing anyone could have done- if that was the case of course.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It doesn't get mentioned as much because there is a lot of stigma surrounding suicide so people may be more reluctant to talk about it outright.

Suicide absolutely does change how people grieve.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It doesn't get mentioned as much because there is a lot of stigma surrounding suicide so people may be more reluctant to talk about it outright.

Suicide absolutely does change how people grieve.

And I've read that this form of grief is something people never move on from but cope with. My grandmother's been gone for almost a year now and my mom told she still isn't over it, now I can't imagine me ctbing with SN and what that would do even if i left some kind of explanation behind. I seriously try not to think about it.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

Should also be mentioned that suicides may not be talked about as much simply because the average Joe isn't usually reported in the media, due to ethical concerns about the correlation between media coverage and increased attempts.

Which makes sense but still I feel like the awareness could help in some ways if people weren't so knee-jerk about "fixing" the wrong parts of the issue...