I don't mean CTB failure- I expect that bothers everyone! I mean- failure in life.
Do you think you can fail in life? I imagine our nihilist members will say no because life has no meaning to begin with! Still- if you do worry about it- what is failure to you? Are there specific things you worry about eg. career, relationships, money, reputation. Do you want to CTB because you think you have or will fail or- simply don't have any chance of succeeding?
How much of it is dictated by others do you think? Is it really you who feels like you need to achieve all this stuff or- is it outside pressures that make you feel that way? Parents, family, peers, society? Have you been able to dismiss all that?
I used to have a really strong fear of failure. Especially in terms of career. Initially- I thought it was just the pressure to have a job and support myself financially but- even when I had that, I still felt so unhappy. My problem is a creative drive- which I think most creative people struggle with. If you have it but can't sate it, you become so miserable.
Now though, there's definitely been a shift in my thinking. I'm tired of playing the game. It does feel like a game. Pressure to work, pressure to be someone and achieve things- ultimately, it all feels like a money spinning exercise to ultimately benefit the already rich.
Personally, I'm not going to be able to get rid of my guilt if I don't eventually find ways to financially support myself. I'm not going to be able to shake off my creative drive either. Neither do I want to. It's the only thing that makes me feel there's purpose in my life. Still- I don't blame the many people here who don't want to work or comply to all that.
Overall, my desire to CTB is sort of driven by failure though- or- at least- a feeling that it's simply too difficult and not rewarding enough to succeed in the main area of life I want to. That's the other thing really- the reward side of things. Failure isn't so important when you realise the end goal really isn't important or is kind of shitty in itself. I, my family and friends have all achieved certain things in life to find out they really weren't what we expected them to be. So- that's the other thing. You tend to think- why should I even bother if the end result is shit?!!
I can't speak so much for things like relationships. Most of that desire is now gone for me- or- at least, I can recognise that it is and always was fairytale type thinking. I did have a very deep desire for a relationship at one point. I think that was a mixture of biology- crazy hormones but also, a certain expectation from family and society to experience certain things by certain ages. I remember being told I would be left on the shelf by a certain age... As it is- probably for the best. I've turned out antinatilist anyway. How about you though? I think the desire for companionship feels more innate maybe than wanting a career!
What are your feelings though? Is failure or imminent failure a contributing factor to you wanting to CTB?
Do you think you can fail in life? I imagine our nihilist members will say no because life has no meaning to begin with! Still- if you do worry about it- what is failure to you? Are there specific things you worry about eg. career, relationships, money, reputation. Do you want to CTB because you think you have or will fail or- simply don't have any chance of succeeding?
How much of it is dictated by others do you think? Is it really you who feels like you need to achieve all this stuff or- is it outside pressures that make you feel that way? Parents, family, peers, society? Have you been able to dismiss all that?
I used to have a really strong fear of failure. Especially in terms of career. Initially- I thought it was just the pressure to have a job and support myself financially but- even when I had that, I still felt so unhappy. My problem is a creative drive- which I think most creative people struggle with. If you have it but can't sate it, you become so miserable.
Now though, there's definitely been a shift in my thinking. I'm tired of playing the game. It does feel like a game. Pressure to work, pressure to be someone and achieve things- ultimately, it all feels like a money spinning exercise to ultimately benefit the already rich.
Personally, I'm not going to be able to get rid of my guilt if I don't eventually find ways to financially support myself. I'm not going to be able to shake off my creative drive either. Neither do I want to. It's the only thing that makes me feel there's purpose in my life. Still- I don't blame the many people here who don't want to work or comply to all that.
Overall, my desire to CTB is sort of driven by failure though- or- at least- a feeling that it's simply too difficult and not rewarding enough to succeed in the main area of life I want to. That's the other thing really- the reward side of things. Failure isn't so important when you realise the end goal really isn't important or is kind of shitty in itself. I, my family and friends have all achieved certain things in life to find out they really weren't what we expected them to be. So- that's the other thing. You tend to think- why should I even bother if the end result is shit?!!
I can't speak so much for things like relationships. Most of that desire is now gone for me- or- at least, I can recognise that it is and always was fairytale type thinking. I did have a very deep desire for a relationship at one point. I think that was a mixture of biology- crazy hormones but also, a certain expectation from family and society to experience certain things by certain ages. I remember being told I would be left on the shelf by a certain age... As it is- probably for the best. I've turned out antinatilist anyway. How about you though? I think the desire for companionship feels more innate maybe than wanting a career!
What are your feelings though? Is failure or imminent failure a contributing factor to you wanting to CTB?
