Discussion Does depression wax and wane?

[Amumu]

I stopped antidepressants in May. I was suicidal when I was on meds, but at least I hadn't insomnia all the time. Sometimes I had it, but not as much as today.
Since then, I had insomnia due to the simple fact of stopping them. At first, I slept every other day from May to September.

But since September, I sleep every day, and I have insomnia in the morning, which is a classical symptom of depression. I assume that's not linked with stopping meds anymore.
It has been four months that I have that kind of insomnia. I'd like to know if it's going to last forever, or if I'm going to have a break with insomnia in the morning in a few months.

In other words, I'd like to know if my depression is going to wax and wane. Or at least, if insomnia waxes and wanes. Spontaneous discussion.

 

[k75]

Yes, definitely. Most people with depression experience that. It's more like depressive episodes, and sometimes it can be a lot milder. The intensity and symptoms can vary a lot. I think it's pretty rare to just be the same level of rock bottom depressed all the time, but the episodes could last for months and months at a time. Or you could have one that was much shorter. It also depends on the type of mental illness you have. Major depression has different kinds of episodes than something like bipolar.

A lot of the meds are designed to try and keep you from having such wild mood swings all the time rather than magically making you happy.

I suffer from major depression, and I spent a solid year recently almost unable to crawl out of bed because I was so depressed. Recently, I've started to naturally pull out of that and am finding it easier to function. I know it'll hit me hard again, but it's definitely waning right now.

I also have changing sleep patterns. There are times when I sleep 99% of the time. It's not good or consistent sleep and it's riddled by nightmares, but I am just excessively exhausted and fall asleep every two seconds no matter what I'm doing. But other times, I'm awake all the time. Even if I'm exhausted, I don't sleep or can't. Close to insomnia. There's no trigger for any of it, but I notice I sleep more when I'm more depressed.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

My depression definitely has an ebb and a flow to it that is hard to manage. Sleeping, eating, and routine are usually unstable. Circumstances contribute to the intensity of my depression and after a manic episode, a deep, dark, months-long depression is expected. This is a symptom of bipolar so perhaps it is more severe.

I don't want to be full of platitudes about medication, etc, but if you and your doctor can find the right medication for you there is a chance for a significant increase in quality of life. It may be discouraging at first but the payoff maybe worth it. Everyone deserves to live without depression. Good luck.

 

[Mer]

Chronic depression can absolutely wax and wane.

A lot of people also have what is commonly referred to as "seasonal depression" as well. Their depression may be at like a 3-5 during spring and summer and then hit 6-10 during fall and winter. A lot of it has to do with getting less sun light (going outside in the sun does help a bit with depression symptoms.)

 

[k75]

Chronic depression can absolutely wax and wane.

A lot of people also have what is commonly referred to as "seasonal depression" as well. Their depression may be at like a 3-5 during spring and summer and then hit 6-10 during fall and winter. A lot of it has to do with getting less sun light (going outside in the sun does help a bit with depression symptoms.)

This is a good point. SAD lights can really help with that. You can get them for pretty cheap on Amazon, although I'm not sure about quality.

 

[Amumu]

My depression definitely has an ebb and a flow to it that is hard to manage. Sleeping, eating, and routine are usually unstable. Circumstances contribute to the intensity of my depression and after a manic episode, a deep, dark, months-long depression is expected. This is a symptom of bipolar so perhaps it is more severe.

I don't want to be full of platitudes about medication, etc, but if you and your doctor can find the right medication for you there is a chance for a significant increase in quality of life. It may be discouraging at first but the payoff maybe worth it. Everyone deserves to live without depression. Good luck.

I had competitive exams in 2019 and I thought I would be a little bit better after.
That's why I stopped them in 2020. But actually no.
Now I don't know anyone where I live, no friends, no girlfriend, severely mentally ill, and jaw problems.

I had been for four years on antidepressants before that.
Amitriptyline? Effective but cognitive effects.
ISR? Completely useless.
The last one was mianserin + duloxetin and I won't find any better. I was still depressed and suicidal, but I won't find better.
I had so many difficulties stopping them that it would incredibly piss me off to take them again. A cognitive biais, of course.

Now I'm going to try to cope with depression and suicidal thoughts for a few months and I'll see after.
I have no official doctor right now because I move a lot due to studies & work

This is a good point. SAD lights can really help with that. You can get them for pretty cheap on Amazon, although I'm not sure about quality.

Thanks but I'm not really concerned by seasonality. If it can help someone else, it would be useful, though.