I personally have lived through it, I was born into a horrible family, and my father was a substance abuser, and my mother was not supportive.
I was never planned, there were many before me, however my mother just couldn't abort anymore, so that is why I exist.
My purpose in my family was being used as leverage, as in if my mother would leave then my father would murder my grandparents and me. I was always used for their interests. There was a time where I ran out of the house, and the way they brought me back was texting me "Do you want to kill your grandparents? if so keep doing what you are doing."
I thought I had a normal family because I was grown into it, however once I started school I realized that it wasn't the case. My family told me to paint a happy picture and describe my life as perfect, and so I did. It is one of my biggest regrets because I could have gotten out of that life, but I never chose to. Throughout my entire life, I was sexually, physically, and mentally abused.
I didn't really have friends going through school, not real ones.
My childhood trauma slowly started to affect me, I didn't realize it until it was too late, and I thought it never bothered me. I realized it now, people closing doors loudly or people getting angry, belligerent drunk people, it all reminds me of my past, and it is something I cannot handle.
Countless people to tell me to get over it, but it's not that simple. I don't control what I dream about, or what reminds me of the past, or reminds me of who I share a last name with.
I've been losing touch of what's real, whenever I sleep it's either memories or something terrible. I try to take control of my mental state, however its turned into substance abuse, and I get told by my mother that I am turning into my father, which truly scares me.
Whenever I sleep my father comes back to torture me.
