Most of my reason to ctb is because I have been made to feel like an undesirable (economically, socially, physically, culturally, romantically, sexually and more) by other humans who seem superior or hostile to me.
But I guess there could also be very successful people who still somehow can't shake off suicidal ideation regardless?
I think people who look different are subject to a huge amount of cruelty and meanness by others...
but also it depends on the culture and where you live...
this happens everywhere, but in some places it's just worse than in other places
there are cities and countries known for kindness
if you don't look handsome or pretty, you could try moving to one of the cities that are more liberal and also kinder and less status conscious
i don't know the city you live in, and PLEASE DON'T POST THAT OR TELL ME, but sometimes going somewhere less unkind can help
if you look different, find a job you can do remotely. it can be data entry, it can be accounting: people always need accountants. If you have money, you have some degree of control. You can afford rent. You can pay for sex workers if needed. You can pay for drugs occasionally if they make things better and you can do them in a fun way without getting addicted (some people can't do this and will get addicted, if you have an addictive personality stay away from drugs).
It's still not a great life. A great life is people checking you out and one day, someone who is hot checks you out and walks over to you and starts talking. If you look unattractive, you usually don't get that. People's conception of what is attractive does vary a lot, however, so you may get that even if most people find you unattractive. But realistically, it may take a lot longer.
If you are in a city with kinder more accepting people, you'll make friends more easily. It is smart to make friends with other people who look a little bit different if you can because they are more likely to treat you well.
It's important to consider that beautiful people are also just vicious to each other too. There are many beautiful people in Ukraine being needlessly killed, beautiful people in Gaza being needlessly killed, and beautiful people who sometimes commit suicide due to poverty. People generally are just vicious, vile, and awful to one another, and it's often done in subtle ways with complex justifications, but it's bullshit: most people fucking suck.
It's really hard to see so many others having it easier and to not feel jealous, hurt, left out, angry, and miserable as a result. And then ultimately it does come down to a choice and what you want to do.
Sex workers are hated for a reason. It's not because they make money from sex, it's not because they spread disease (since many of them are safe and careful), and it's not because they do something shocking. It's because they are often having sex with people who are unattractive, and mean sadistic assholes exist who do not want unattractive people to have fun. Just look at India with it's untouchable caste: the sadism was basically enshrined in their religion and society for many years and still is on some level.
Sex workers are some of the kindest most awesome people that exist.
My point is, you do have the option to stay alive and have a decent and possibly even great life if you just ignore the haters and accept that some things will be harder.
It's really hard to find a good accountant. Seriously.
I know you are thinking about attempting and possibly close to it, but if this is your only reason, you have some options. It's just that some people do want the traditional normal old-fashioned relationship, and that would be harder.
If you can make good money and are a straight man, it's much easier to get a woman making good money. It's harder for others. If you are unattractive, train for a profession that has a shortage. People always need accountants. It's hard to find someone good. Do not train for a profession with a surplus or competition if you look a bit different.
People are ugly or not attractive for different reasons and it doesn't mean someone is a biological failure exactly. Sometimes someone really unattractive will have 1 flaw and it gets taken care of and they look good after. Beauty can mean great physical health, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes someone has acne growing up and they have bad acne scars but are totally healthy later on. Sometimes a guy will have a small chin and it doesn't mean he's defective, just that he was in a higher estrogen environment in utero, and he gets a chin implant and ends up looking normal. (Warning: procedures like that often look really bad if done poorly, and can make people with different bone structure look worse. Beauty is not as simple as "make more manly looking" = "sexy" which is why many people who do stuff like that look worse after, because there is a lack of harmony if the person who does it lacks artistry.)
I get you are miserable and the world sucks. But people sometimes do choose to work and are somehow able to overcome their circumstances by working and making money, although it's harder and harder for people to do that.
I am sorry if this post is offensive in it's realism, but people who don't look great do sometimes end up having okay lives, sometimes even marrying someone nice looking and having children and being somewhat normal.
