goat
Just a goat trying to get in the next bus
- May 18, 2021
- 149
I have a due date to ctb before something really bad happens to me.
(It's not the only reason obviously, I had a painful, painful life, with horrible experiences, physical disability, mental health issues, not being able to connect, identify or create ties with people and having trouble to keep basic interactions, came from a abusive household and lived through sex work, mutilation and all sorts of bad things vulnerable people can endure alone in society.
But that's this big "event" in my life that is just the last straw and I can't live through that, seeing that s person with stability and a support system would already struggle a lot.)
So at this point have everything sorted out for my bus with 99% chances of working perfectly (that 1% cause nothing on earth is 100% sure lmao) and I peaceful with the decision to cyan, this is not an issue, but what keeps me and already made me late for it is a little tiny residual sparkle from the huge fire I used to have inside of me: I keep thinking about buying a ticket to a wild region, go with a backpack with a few basics, and just let nature do it's job and die in one week or so by being eaten by an animal or of diarrhea for being dumb and drinking still water or some (
) . But take a rope in case it takes way too long.
My favorite thing in life was always nature.
I love it.
Even now I already consider myself dead, I still think how much i love nature.
I don't think my mental health will let me do all this from buying a ticket, to prepare a backpack, to catch the train to finally find a secluded and wild enough space to then ctb.
But boy... How I wish!
Does anyone else also thinks about that?
The spend their last days alone in the wilderness just waiting for nature to follow its course?
(It's not the only reason obviously, I had a painful, painful life, with horrible experiences, physical disability, mental health issues, not being able to connect, identify or create ties with people and having trouble to keep basic interactions, came from a abusive household and lived through sex work, mutilation and all sorts of bad things vulnerable people can endure alone in society.
But that's this big "event" in my life that is just the last straw and I can't live through that, seeing that s person with stability and a support system would already struggle a lot.)
So at this point have everything sorted out for my bus with 99% chances of working perfectly (that 1% cause nothing on earth is 100% sure lmao) and I peaceful with the decision to cyan, this is not an issue, but what keeps me and already made me late for it is a little tiny residual sparkle from the huge fire I used to have inside of me: I keep thinking about buying a ticket to a wild region, go with a backpack with a few basics, and just let nature do it's job and die in one week or so by being eaten by an animal or of diarrhea for being dumb and drinking still water or some (
) . But take a rope in case it takes way too long.My favorite thing in life was always nature.
I love it.
Even now I already consider myself dead, I still think how much i love nature.
I don't think my mental health will let me do all this from buying a ticket, to prepare a backpack, to catch the train to finally find a secluded and wild enough space to then ctb.
But boy... How I wish!
Does anyone else also thinks about that?
The spend their last days alone in the wilderness just waiting for nature to follow its course?
