Coping Wizard
Member
- Sep 15, 2020
- 17
Sorry if this is somewhat of a venting/brainfart thread but I'm making this thread because I have always felt out of place in my life. This thread can probably be turned into some sort of discussion thread, regardless here is my experience with feeling out of place in life.
I have felt like I've been out of place in my entire life even when I was a small child living in my Father's house at the time, I would be dragged over to the neighbour's house to make friends and play with their kids. Every single time that they would try to interact with me I would look at them confused because I didn't understand what they were doing and why they considered it fun, obviously this lead me to being disliked by the neighbour kids and me not gaining any sort of friends during that time. After a while I moved to the city where I attended elementary school and where the feeling starts, this feeling eventually starts at elementary school where I would rather play by myself than play with the other kids. Eventually puberty starts kicking in and all the kids in my class would start being interested in succubi while I would rather play video games and play with my imagination, imagining that I was performing a move that I've seen in an anime that I thought was cool at the time.
Then in middle school is where I start to have this feeling, initially I felt somewhat normal compared to the other kids but after a significant event where a succubus said that one of her succubi friends was interested in me at the time considering that this is middle school and that I was in the "6th grade", the succubi probably thought about handholding or hugging each other. I decided to ask a friend I had at the time if dating her was a good idea and he said that she was probably one of the most attractive girls in the school. In my ignorant middle-schooler mind I thought she was a slut of some sorts and because I have a tendency to speak out my mind I told him this and he said that was true and we started to make insults and jokes surrounding this succubus at the time. Obviously that was a lie and I've seen him dating this exact succubus during the next year of my middle school life, when I look back on it now I think he just wanted to take advantage of me for his own personal gain because I really didn't know better at the time.
The majority of my time was spent on the internet and my parents really didn't bother to parent me back then, because of this the internet and public school essentially raised me.
This is only inside of the classroom because outside of class I've seen these kids fight each other over little to no reason at all, they would smoke all kinds of drugs on school property and would even have sex in the stairwells on some odd occasion, mainly because I hear grunting and moaning noises. I quickly realized that I disliked this environment and would hide under my hoodie and do my work just so I wouldn't get noticed by my peers and get home safely, I told my Mom that I didn't like the high school environment that I was forced into and I told her multiple times that I wanted to get away from the horrible environment and move away from the city so I can go to a different school but she didn't have the money to move out to a different city so I was forced to tolerate this type of shit for another 2 years until I graduated high school, at this point I truly feel out of place amongst my high school peers because they would have relationships, have sex, do drugs, be extroverted, active in sports, good self-esteem, positive worldview, etc.
While I was an introverted kid who truly hated drugs and hated relationships at this point because of the amount of information I have received and processed from social media along with them having sex in every place that they could without being caught. I wasn't active in any sort of sports and I had very low self-esteem for someone my age and unfortunately for me this would cause depression, anxiety, frequent spouts of anger and on top of that, I had numerous suicidal thoughts and methods pop up into my head pretty much almost every day in my life.
After a while of having a breakdown about starting college and trying to get to used to the fact that this is my life now and I have to accept it or I get shit on by my family. I have started college recently and its only been a couple of weeks and guess what, that feeling is back where I feel out of place amongst my peers again. Not because my peers are future criminals who do drugs and are violent sex-addicts, it is during my orientation and in one of the college courses that I'm currently taking is that we're supposed to introduce ourselves as an assignment. I remember seeing a classmate's introduction post and this person mentions in detail about what they wanted to do along with their hobbies, specifically about how they made a guitar band with their friends how they're interested in music, origami, philosophy and their dream is to work in the STEM field and become a chemist that helps others and all of that shit, wouldn't be surprised if they went to a half-decent school too. Then there is someone like me who has no dream besides from working out and playing video games all day, little to no friends, did jack shit outside of school work, mediocre grades, went to a shitty high school, introverted, etc.
Its because of our different environments that this feeling has come back again but it has worsened at this point because simply looking at this, specifically where I compare myself to my classmates just makes this feeling return at an increasing rate as it continues to make me feel worse and worse every single day.
I'm also not exactly sure if this is the right board to be posting this type of thread on, mods if I'm posting on the wrong board you have my permission to move it to the right board.
I have felt like I've been out of place in my entire life even when I was a small child living in my Father's house at the time, I would be dragged over to the neighbour's house to make friends and play with their kids. Every single time that they would try to interact with me I would look at them confused because I didn't understand what they were doing and why they considered it fun, obviously this lead me to being disliked by the neighbour kids and me not gaining any sort of friends during that time. After a while I moved to the city where I attended elementary school and where the feeling starts, this feeling eventually starts at elementary school where I would rather play by myself than play with the other kids. Eventually puberty starts kicking in and all the kids in my class would start being interested in succubi while I would rather play video games and play with my imagination, imagining that I was performing a move that I've seen in an anime that I thought was cool at the time.
Then in middle school is where I start to have this feeling, initially I felt somewhat normal compared to the other kids but after a significant event where a succubus said that one of her succubi friends was interested in me at the time considering that this is middle school and that I was in the "6th grade", the succubi probably thought about handholding or hugging each other. I decided to ask a friend I had at the time if dating her was a good idea and he said that she was probably one of the most attractive girls in the school. In my ignorant middle-schooler mind I thought she was a slut of some sorts and because I have a tendency to speak out my mind I told him this and he said that was true and we started to make insults and jokes surrounding this succubus at the time. Obviously that was a lie and I've seen him dating this exact succubus during the next year of my middle school life, when I look back on it now I think he just wanted to take advantage of me for his own personal gain because I really didn't know better at the time.
The majority of my time was spent on the internet and my parents really didn't bother to parent me back then, because of this the internet and public school essentially raised me.
Where it begins
After middle school I entered high school and it was complete fucking hell compared to middle school. This is where I started to feel truly feel out of place in life and this is the time where I started questioning alot of things in my life such as my worldview and questioning all of my actions up until now. In the classrooms my peers would be blatantly disrespectful to the teacher along with their fellow peers they would just get up and leave class whenever they want, they would throw shit across the room, not do the work that has been assigned to them and they would make a shit-ton of noise in general, even if they arrive to class they would arrive 10-15 minutes late with Subway or KFC.This is only inside of the classroom because outside of class I've seen these kids fight each other over little to no reason at all, they would smoke all kinds of drugs on school property and would even have sex in the stairwells on some odd occasion, mainly because I hear grunting and moaning noises. I quickly realized that I disliked this environment and would hide under my hoodie and do my work just so I wouldn't get noticed by my peers and get home safely, I told my Mom that I didn't like the high school environment that I was forced into and I told her multiple times that I wanted to get away from the horrible environment and move away from the city so I can go to a different school but she didn't have the money to move out to a different city so I was forced to tolerate this type of shit for another 2 years until I graduated high school, at this point I truly feel out of place amongst my high school peers because they would have relationships, have sex, do drugs, be extroverted, active in sports, good self-esteem, positive worldview, etc.
While I was an introverted kid who truly hated drugs and hated relationships at this point because of the amount of information I have received and processed from social media along with them having sex in every place that they could without being caught. I wasn't active in any sort of sports and I had very low self-esteem for someone my age and unfortunately for me this would cause depression, anxiety, frequent spouts of anger and on top of that, I had numerous suicidal thoughts and methods pop up into my head pretty much almost every day in my life.
Right now
After I somehow graduated high school I wanted to drop out of society and become a NEET and I tried to tell my parents this but my mother refused and said that any "self-respecting" parent would put their kids in college and pray to some sort of demiurge that they get a good job with good pay. I tried to tell her to please let have another year off at least or let me become NEET and let me drop out. It is because of the high school I used to attend along with extended time on the internet, I now hate most people and I hated the idea of interacting with them much less becoming a wagecuck and getting a minimum wageslave job at Walmart or at a McDonalds somewhere. After a while of having a breakdown about starting college and trying to get to used to the fact that this is my life now and I have to accept it or I get shit on by my family. I have started college recently and its only been a couple of weeks and guess what, that feeling is back where I feel out of place amongst my peers again. Not because my peers are future criminals who do drugs and are violent sex-addicts, it is during my orientation and in one of the college courses that I'm currently taking is that we're supposed to introduce ourselves as an assignment. I remember seeing a classmate's introduction post and this person mentions in detail about what they wanted to do along with their hobbies, specifically about how they made a guitar band with their friends how they're interested in music, origami, philosophy and their dream is to work in the STEM field and become a chemist that helps others and all of that shit, wouldn't be surprised if they went to a half-decent school too. Then there is someone like me who has no dream besides from working out and playing video games all day, little to no friends, did jack shit outside of school work, mediocre grades, went to a shitty high school, introverted, etc.
Its because of our different environments that this feeling has come back again but it has worsened at this point because simply looking at this, specifically where I compare myself to my classmates just makes this feeling return at an increasing rate as it continues to make me feel worse and worse every single day.
I am 18 years old and actually turned 18 a few months ago so please don't ban me mods.
I'm also not exactly sure if this is the right board to be posting this type of thread on, mods if I'm posting on the wrong board you have my permission to move it to the right board.
Last edited:
