I mean, i will leave a note and while I do not want to see the hurt in certain people I do want to see the reaction of those who have driven me to this. I wish I could watch it all unfold. Am I alone in this?
I personally can't relate to this as I honestly don't care about people that burdened my life in any way. They didn't care then, they don't care now- so why would I care? The only thing that drives me nuts is the impact it will have on the ones I care for et vice versa.
But that's just me (:
But that's just me (:
I'd be curious to see responses but I don't care much I guess. I've always been pretty alienated from everyone anyway so what does it matter
I'm a very isolated person. Most people will shrug and move on.
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
I agree with @okyeah, I'm pretty alienated myself and hate being around people. Not being able to see the reactions I've cause really doesn't bother me. I've succeeded in my ctb, and that's all I need.
Part of me does want to know how it makes the people who have destroyed my life by accusing me of making my partner commit suicide, see what the papers write after it was them who made up shit to sell the story futhering the false accusations. I know it will be in the papers as my partners was, there will be an inquest and i hooe they all get summoned to go and admit the vile messages they sent me, ive kept them all. They have destroyed me and gone about their lives as if it was nothing. I feel bad fir the mental health people who have tried to really help but there is nothing they can do, ive made up my mind. I have no future now and refuse to become homeless again, i miss my partner so much
I meant more hoping my ex wife who cheated on me would feel bad. Or that my fiance who told me Thursday morning that she wanted me forever and then left me Thursday evening . I want her to feel the guilt that she caused this
You're probably not alone but I don't care much about the effects of my suicide that much. I'll be dead.
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,798
I don't care much about the effects of my suicide that much. I'll be dead.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,685
There is a part of me that does care a bit, just out of general curiosity though. I do wish to minimize the pain for the people I do care somewhat, but pain will be there for them regardless. On the grand scheme of things, I don't really care as of course, I won't be around to care (as I'm dead).
God no. I have a fear that I'll be stuck in a state of passive engagement. Basically where I'm long gone but I'm still stuck in the world--like a ghost--seeing my family suffer.
Crest33
Sheet slinger
- Nov 28, 2018
- 261
I think a lot about it. I a way a would like to see it. But after you ctb your consciousness is gone. So there's really no point in thinking about it. It all ends with the ctb.
I'll leave no note whatsoever. So it's up to them to figure out why I'm gone. They can think their whole life. Not my problem anymore.
If you really want to see it unfold you could try to do an elaborate fake ctb and turn up month later. I've wondered briefly how I could pull it off. I probably could. But then you return and yeah then what.
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Ferdinand
Member
- Nov 27, 2018
- 6
Holy crap. I could have posted this exact same damn thing, including the Thursday part.
Really?? How you coping? I guess not well hence why you're on here but maybe you have other issues too? Sorry don't mean to pry
Ferdinand
Member
- Nov 27, 2018
- 6
Like hell. My mind is broke and I've been on leave from work for about a month. I don't know if I can perform my job anymore, too much concentration involved. But yeah, same story. The Thursday of Hurricane Michael.
My life sounds so much easier than so many on here that I actually feel ashamed, like I should be more grateful for all I have. But I feel old and that my best days are behind me and the rest of life is just to be endured. I would hate to hurt all those I would leave behind, I just wish it was 100 years from now. That doesn't sound so long when you look at the history of the universe, but it can't get here quick enough for me.
J Tizzle
Member
- Dec 7, 2018
- 58
I would like to see the reaction of the guy who sexually assaulted me the day before Halloween. I think he'd actually lose it.
Don't do that to yourself. You're pain is enough that you are here and talking about this and for that I am sorry.
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
All 6 billion of them? And all the generations before? I try not to think about it. Would they care, in either of our situations?
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I couldn't care less although it would be a little interesting...just to see how everyone goes and if they actually noticed me much even when I was isolated most of the time
I think we sound similar. I read stories on here and think I SHOULD be damn grateful for what I have got in life. I don't have much money but I do have a flat and I do have some family who love me. And a few friends. BUT I've always felt like in my head it's been a battle from day 1. And I cannot help that I am so sensitive and emotional that when things happen like last Thursday (which blindsided me) or when my ex wife of 9 years left me for someone else I feel I cannot carry on. I waited 2 years to find someone, went through so much shit and hurt and battled so hard against my head telling me that I cannot kill myself , things will get better. And yes they did for 2 months. But then I just get another dose of agony and just think what's the point? It's a lesser reason than those poor people who have physical suffering, but in my head there is no worse pain than heartache, self loathe and injustice. I am 33 so not old but I do feel very old and cynical.
