Venting Does anyone know what we are supposed to be doing?

[Anxieyote]

I know this question may sound ridiculous, but I'm serious.

I've had the last 3 days off of work, and I've cleaned the house from top to bottom, I did my laundry, I watched TV, I got drunk…I was alive during these days, and I certainly existed a lot, but what was the point? I was alone while doing all of this, so I had no effect on the world around me.

How many hours is that? 72? That's a long span of time for absolutely nothing of value to be accomplished in. I'm beginning to understand why people join the military. I want purpose so badly, and I'm just here existing on the sidelines of society with nothing to offer to myself or anyone. I'm asking myself what the meaning of my life is, and I'm drawing a complete blank. The last 3 days certainly didn't mean much at all.

It's just the same pattern over and over again, you guys. I work, I sleep, I eat, I exist. There's just no point to any of it. I usually get suicidal from sadness, but right now I want to end my life out of intense boredom. The conversations I have with my family, my coworkers…it's so scripted and predictable. And everything I'm saying now is something I've said or thought of before in some capacity. Circles and circles.

Help me add some excitement if you can. I need a new thought or a surprise. Everything is too familiar, I need something weird.

 

[motel rooms]

How willing/desperate are you to break out of your comfort zone?

 

[stygal]

I used to feel the same.
Always thinking that there had to be something meaningful to fill my time with. But the truth is: It's just every little second that I don't actively think about ending it all which is already the goal.

- Listening to my favorite song = check
- Eating a cupcake = check
- Laughing at internet humor = check
- Taking the detour route to go through a park and see how the leaves have already changed this time of the year = check

Every moment was a good distraction from my otherwise not very stable mental situation and the feeling of utter emptiness.

I don't think anything amazing or big is going to happen in the little bit of future I have left but I plan on at least having those things I kinda still like in my life and try not to overcomplicate it or think too much about it.

 

[Anxieyote]

How willing/desperate are you to break out of your comfort zone?

Anything is preferable to the emptiness. Anything.

 

[Darkover]

some math

 

[FuneralCry]

I have no idea as to why I am still here. Life is essentially meaningless. The way I see it, all we are doing is passing the time until we eventually die. There is no point to any of it. I can relate to the boredom and repetition. It can be torture. I try to watch the TV but I cannot even concentrate much. Nothing interests me and I just feel ill all the time. In my case I simply cannot live. In a way it is like I have already died. Existence is so hollow and empty. I really cannot help in any way. I wish you the best.

 

[motel rooms]

Anything is preferable to the emptiness. Anything.

@stygal is right... You don't have to do anything revolutionary, just occasionally take a small step off the beaten path

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

We are supposed to have fun. I'm not having fun. Well, I sort of am actually, but not fun enough.

 

[chocolatebar]

The only thing we do in life is seek pleasure while avoiding suffering. I don't think there's anything more to the life of any animal.

Back to your situation, try to find pleasure in something and don't be ashamed of doing what you enjoy. Like the other users said, it can be simple things, like small activities or hobbies.

 

[stygal]

some math

 

[idiot_dad]

It's kind of interesting to be still for as long as you can manage it. It breaks up the monotony in unexpected ways. Any time I have a chance to just be still it's super rare, I'm in a state of constant overstimulation these days.

 

[odradek]

You could watch a live stream of a volcano that's erupting in Spain.

 

[existtosuffer]

We're a weird species. I've always thought that doing the same thing for your whole life for 40 years is insanity. I often wonder whether the mentally ill are more sensitive & receptive to reality.

 

[Mashedout]

That's human life, rinse and repeat. Burdened with a drop of water in an ocean of time. Trapped on a grain of sand in a desert of worlds, meant to wage slave as decaying meat on a prison planet. On the spectrum of all possibilies, this existence scenario is a joke.

I want to swim through the plasma soup of a star. I want the extremities of my being to stretch across undiscovered dimensions. I want to sit and feel worlds be born and die while there is time to figure out the workings of total reality. And if it becomes too much I want to erase myself forever. I don't want to worship gods, I want the opportunity to become one.

The curse of this level of conciousness is it allows one to see what could be but never will. Your dog or cat doesn't care about any of these things. A better forced existence would've been to be them on this world.