Help Does anyone know how to handle the aftermath of an insult that has got under your skin? It's making me want to ctb

[lostangel]

Hi, I have received a message recently (not on this site) It was a hate message. It really got to me and it has been destroying me mentally for the past three days. I have blocked that person but I can't seem to shake it. It reinforces all the insecurities I have in my head it has really hurt me. (I didn't let him know it hurt me)

It has been making the past few days hard for me. I have been trying to distract myself but I always end up thinking about it.
I do limit how much time I spend on social media but still, from time to time, I receive a negative message.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

 

[terry_a_davis]

What do you think caused him to message you this? Assuming it was baseless which it probably is, it's just some person who does not know the real you and you dont know the real him, his message and opinion is not worth much. Some people enjoy hurting others online and they invariably act braver online they do in real life. Almost certain this person is pretty pathetic IRL if this is how he enjoys himself.

You could almost pity him. Delete it and move on, look again at the positive messages you get.

 

[autumnal]

While distraction can be good, you're probably going to keep thinking about it until you work through it properly in your head.

Perhaps make a dot-point list of all the themes in the message (i.e. 'you are an x', 'you always do y' etc) and then write next to them what makes them untrue, incorrect or irrelevant.

Perhaps also give some thought to the motivations of the person who wrote it? Write down a narrative written from their own perspective (i.e. 'I feel inadequate so I called lostangel an x', 'I resent people who are y' etc). Don't share it with them, it is only for your benefit.

Generally the more you are exposed to something, the less powerful its effect on you will become.

If you have friends who know you well and with whom you can share the themes of the message, you may also wish to get their educated opinion/rebuttal of those hateful comments.

 

[GoBack]

Anyone who goes around insulting people In any setting is an asshole that I'm sure has a million more things wrong with them than you

You said yourself it's a hate message. So it's from a person who has no life and is probably hating themselves too.

Don't take it to heart, which I'm sure you have a lovely one.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I learned to make fun of myself about my problems.
I openly call myself a brain cripple. Neurocripple sounds better.
This took a long time, admittedly. I'm still sensitive to one certain subject.
Still, my own way of handling this kind of thing is to one-up the perpetrator, to agree with them. This works in two ways - first it puts you in control of the situation. You're insulting yourself, not this guy. Second, it confuses the other guy. The more he insults you, the more you insult yourself and always keep a few steps above the guy.
There's an odd amount of hate going for epileptics. Why? Beats me.
I get a lot of red/blue strobe gifs on Snapchat. I reply with self roasting and "man, you should've seen me flop around like a retard there! XD"
They send more, I laugh more, and report them for every gif they send. I don't block. Eventually they get tired and leave.
"If I don't laugh at myself, who will?" - old Russian proverb

 

[GoBack]

I learned to make fun of myself about my problems.
I openly call myself a brain cripple. Neurocripple sounds better.
This took a long time, admittedly. I'm still sensitive to one certain subject.
Still, my own way of handling this kind of thing is to one-up the perpetrator, to agree with them. This works in two ways - first it puts you in control of the situation. You're insulting yourself, not this guy. Second, it confuses the other guy. The more he insults you, the more you insult yourself and always keep a few steps above the guy.
There's an odd amount of hate going for epileptics. Why? Beats me.
I get a lot of red/blue strobe gifs on Snapchat. I reply with self roasting and "man, you should've seen me flop around like a retard there! XD"
They send more, I laugh more, and report them for every gif they send. I don't block. Eventually they get tired and leave.

Who hates epileptics, Jesus. Actually people have always been mean when they want to. Before social media it would be done to your face, giving you a chance to stand up for yourself if you could. It's even worse now people do it from behind a screen

 

[Meowkin]

I'm sorry the insults have been plaguing your mind. I hate it myself when something someone said to me really gets to me. It's almost like having PTSD flashbacks when what they've said pops up in your mind.

Do you think you could try looking for more distractions? Sometimes my usual ones work and sometimes they don't. I still get the flashbacks even though I distract myself. I hope you find what works for you.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Who hates epileptics, Jesus. Actually people have always been mean when they want to. Before social media it would be done to your face, giving you a chance to stand up for yourself if you could. It's even worse now people do it from behind a screen

No idea.
Faking grand mal seizures (poorly, I might add) was actually a whole trend for a short while. I've seen only one person intelligent enough to fake post ictal for like 2 minutes. And then people called medics and suddenly the "prankster" is all good.
But yeah, people are dicks. The screen gave people too much courage. The shit you see in r/epilepsy some times...
Personally, I think the cabbies who try to buy my hypothetical med-weed are more annoying. The younger ones "want to be epileptics" for it.
I actively fight against the med-weed, I want surgery. If med-weed works, I'll never be truly free.

 

[GoBack]

No idea.
Faking grand mal seizures (poorly, I might add) was actually a whole trend for a short while. I've seen only one person intelligent enough to fake post ictal for like 2 minutes. And then people called medics and suddenly the "prankster" is all good.
But yeah, people are dicks. The screen gave people too much courage. The shit you see in r/epilepsy some times...

I've seen that when I was young, people joke faking seizures but they grow out of that. My sister has epilepsy, if anyone had done that to her she would have knocked their head off :)

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I've seen that when I was young, people joke faking seizures but they grow out of that. My sister has epilepsy, if anyone had done that to her she would have knocked their head off :)

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that!
Is she stable or is it medicine-resistant?

 

[Disintegration]

Sorry you are going through this, I struggle with similar issues all the time. I think people just have to work through the analysis of these types of situations until they find a comfortable conclusion.

The people around us act as a mirror for our development. It's very painful at times, but if something bothers us to a great degree it is probably something we need to embrace, incorporate into our lives. Learning to love myself for who I am and accepting other people's judgement and criticisms is something I work on everyday. If it is something said with malicious intent then it certainly speaks volumes about the person doing the criticizing. You can not control the behaviors of those around, you can only control yourself. Real strength comes from observing other people's insecure behaviors and doing our best to FORGIVE them and never take attacks personally. Forgiveness doesn't mean what the person said or did was right, it just means we are willing to let it go and acknowledge that it doesn't serve us.

 

[GoBack]

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that!
Is she stable or is it medicine-resistant?

She's stable now, I think she goes on and off the meds. She hasn't had a seizure in long enough that she's allowed to drive again. I don't understand that, surely it can happen anytime

She's convinced that enough sleep is the answer for her so if she has that she's ok. She's kind of a law unto herself so I don't question her methods

Does medweed not work for you? I didn't know you could have surgery for it

 

[4eyebiped]

You have to try your best to look at and understand the intent of a bully. Once you do, you will understand that it isn't about you. Bullies intent is not to tell you a truth about yourself. Their goal and intent is to say whatever they know will bother you the most, in order to achieve their victory of control over you. This control gives them temporary pleasure, or relief, in life as their life is usually that of turmoil and chaos. They simply say the things they feel will hurt you the most. The more a bully knows about you and your insecurities the more effective they are.

Simply put, people who hurt say things to hurt other people. Humans are strange like that. You even see this behavior among people who love each other. You can watch a married couple or set of friends get mad at each other and then say some of the nastiest things. They don't say them because they mean or believe them. They say them because they hurt.

I know it is hard but try to focus on the good things people say as they are far more valuable than the bad things people say. The good ones are usually more sincere.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

She's stable now, I think she goes on and off the meds. She hasn't had a seizure in long enough that she's allowed to drive again. I don't understand that, surely it can happen anytime

She's convinced that enough sleep is the answer for her so if she has that she's ok. She's kind of a law unto herself so I don't question her methods

Does medweed not work for you? I didn't know you could have surgery for it

I don't want to try it because it might work. The pills drove me nuts already. If weed stabilizes me for good, then bam! There's the solution! No need for a permanent solution because there's a temporary one we can just do over and over.
If the stars align right, the node is sitting somewhere where it can be carved out if my head without too much trouble, and then freedom!

 

[GoBack]

I don't want to try it because it might work. The pills drove me nuts already. If weed stabilizes me for good, then bam! There's the solution! No need for a permanent solution because there's a temporary one we can just do over and over.
If the stars align right, the node is sitting somewhere where it can be carved out if my head without too much trouble, and then freedom!

I just looked it up, wat about the risks of surgery though.
If we had medweed here I wouldn't be on here, long story.

EPS meds are crazy. I was given lyrica for nerve pain and it wrecked me. So stupid of me to take something like that but there you go, I'm a born pill popper

@lostangel sorry for hijacking your thread :)

 

[Pryras]

Usually if someone insults me so blatantly i don't feel as hurt from it because it feels so childish. The person is trying to evoke a reaction, but if they were throwing baseless insults at me then i don't care about their opinion anyway. It's like someone arguing with you about something you KNOW is ridiculous and wrong. Your mind doesn't even regard their opinion. Someone throwing your insecurities to hurt you is a slimy individual anyway. ignoring it is easier said than done but if you recognize that they are just bullies then it can be easier to disregard their insults.

 

[Blue Portal]

Hi, I have received a message recently (not on this site) It was a hate message. It really got to me and it has been destroying me mentally for the past three days. I have blocked that person but I can't seem to shake it. It reinforces all the insecurities I have in my head it has really hurt me. (I didn't let him know it hurt me)

It has been making the past few days hard for me. I have been trying to distract myself but I always end up thinking about it.
I do limit how much time I spend on social media but still, from time to time, I receive a negative message.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

I'd ask yourself is there any truth to the insult? If so is that something you want to change or are willing to change? If there's no truth to the insult then there should be no weight to those words.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's baseless insult said only to hurt you and get under your skin. Ignore it. Even if it makes you feel like there's a grain to truth to it, you're better than that and you're better than the person making the insult.

I'm sorry you're going through this.