Does anyone in your life know you have n?

[Rebirth]

If yes, do they care?

My ex, who is supposed to be my best friend and says he loves me, knows. I got mad at him and blocked him on my cell for other reasons. He's not trying to call my house number and he knows I have no one besides my mother without him. He knows if I don't have his company, I will likely use it. I can't believe how little he cares after saying he does. I don't have N for attention. I just can't believe my life has come to this and I have to end it. I just thought the world wasn't this completely heartless... from the people you thought had the biggest hearts.

 

[Morning Angel]

I feel for this post so much, and can relate. Subtract out the partner and the mother and it's where I am now. After months of protecting and holding onto my N, I have finally accepted that I was not entitled to anything in life or in my dire situation, whether it was love, practical support, welfare/disability, or even housing. I'm reduced to being just another statistic and undesirable in society.

In the process of becoming suicidal, I lost some very close friends, women I loved and respected very much. After years of dedicated friendship, I became the "manipulative attention seeker" when admitting I did not want to live anymore. No one in my "real" life knows I have N and it's better they don't until the boomerang email shows up in their inbox.

All I can tell you is to try to foster a sense of acceptance toward how it all turned out and for yourself....as impossible as it may feel. It will bring you some peace before you leave this unforgiving world.

 

[Cromulus]

If yes, do they care?

My ex, who is supposed to be my best friend and says he loves me, knows. I got mad at him and blocked him on my cell for other reasons. He's not trying to call my house number and he knows I have no one besides my mother without him. He knows if I don't have his company, I will likely use it. I can't believe how little he cares after saying he does. I don't have N for attention. I just can't believe my life has come to this and I have to end it. I just thought the world wasn't this completely heartless... from the people you thought had the biggest hearts.

Sounds like your emotionally blackmailing someone with the threat of your suicide while also blocking them, then hoping they go out the way to reach out in some other way? Seems like an exhausting situation for that person.

 

[Limbo]

If yes, do they care?

My ex, who is supposed to be my best friend and says he loves me, knows. I got mad at him and blocked him on my cell for other reasons. He's not trying to call my house number and he knows I have no one besides my mother without him. He knows if I don't have his company, I will likely use it. I can't believe how little he cares after saying he does. I don't have N for attention. I just can't believe my life has come to this and I have to end it. I just thought the world wasn't this completely heartless... from the people you thought had the biggest hearts.

Maybe hes just done with you? People can only take so much. If your bf knows you could commit suicide at any moment, imagine the mental toll this takes on him.

 

[Limbo]

Sounds like your emotionally blackmailing someone with the threat of your suicide while also blocking them, then hoping they go out the way to reach out in some other way? Seems like an exhausting situation for that person.

I actually didnt read this comment before I posted. I sense the same thing.

 

[ctoan]

Sounds like your emotionally blackmailing someone with the threat of your suicide while also blocking them, then hoping they go out the way to reach out in some other way? Seems like an exhausting situation for that person.

arent we all a little bit borderline

 

[Rebirth]

Maybe hes just done with you? People can only take so much. If your bf knows you could commit suicide at any moment, imagine the mental toll this takes on him.

Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't believe me, but you're right. Depression doesn't just make you feel like you are a burden to others, often you do become a burden, and that is exactly what I am.

 

[Idorus]

Yes very open about it to anyone, but I don't make a big point of it either. I mention it as if it's the most natural thing in the world by now and nobody will (try to) prove me otherwise, convinced enough as I am. I'm also openly wearing a DNR necklace for many years. The only one having had problems with my necklace was an ex but he already panics when hearing the word "death". He recently - after 6 years of not seeing him - admitted he left me cause my mom died at the time we were together. Shortly after him opening up about that I showed him a pic of the Sarco as the most preferable way out and he blocked me lol. I couldn't care less … people like that are so completely worthless to me.

 

[N-IsMyHope]

My family know that I have it. I told them this method is peaceful. They are sad but they ok with it.