I always worry about this. I am absolutely convinced that I want to die, but I still worry. Will I be able to Ctb, or am I just trying to cope by fantasizing about what makes me feel better? A year ago I thought that I would have been long dead by now, and felt relieved by that thought, and yet I am still here. I now plan to die possibly before the end of summer, and certainly before 2023. Now I have a plan, unlike last year, and i think and act like these are my final months, but still... Will I be able to really do it? I first thought about my plan in October-November, and the final date seemed far away, but time passes quickly. If I'll go trough with it, it would mean that since when I created my plan, I have already lived half of my remaining life. Even if I want to die, it's strange to think that I am living the last month's of my life. I guess I'll find out soon if I'm able to die, or if I'll have to continue suffering.