I feel like every day I'm just waiting for the right excuse so that my family have the thought "well we knew that was coming" so it distresses them less. My uncle hung himself on my last ctb date that I bailed out of. 31st Jan he did it. I was supposed to be going 2/2 but shit went tits up and I came home only to find that out. My family was in shreds. I was angry at him for his choices. He could have spoken to me and I would have helped make it peaceful, even gone with him. Nah, he hung himself in a shed... for that reason I had to put it off for a while. By then I had realised my so called "Partner" was a fake and just an illusionist.
Bringing me to the current era. No escape from lockdown and kids don't even have school. I'm not allowed to see my friend that actually does get me due to Police putting a boundary law in place on both of us. (To stop us seeing each other but worded as "community protection")
I'm so lost not even a compass would know where North is in my head
Ugh same. Its like on one hand to live you need to trust people, but when trusting people has lead to abuse upon abuse upon abuse, even people who are supposed to help you (mental health professionals, police, etc,) you learn to give up. I feel jealous of those who are able to have great relationships and a better life. But that isn't everyone
I had this conversation with my daughter last night. Explained to her that her last name carries a tag that will follow her around like a bad smell. In order to live a fulfilled life she needs to hide where she is from and keep her head down or the same shit will hit her fan. I want to be a complete isolated person from society. I'm not allowed