does anyone here feel bad because they can't understand other people's signals?

[Quinlor]

I'm afraid to get close to everyone I meet because I can't understand the signals they give me. Because of this, I feel bad, a person who can only harm others.

The current case is a girl who, every time we look at each other, first she smiles at me like no one ever has and then suddenly changes and makes a serious face that scares me! and then I look away from her.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

The current case is a girl who, every time we look at each other, first she smiles at me like no one ever has and then suddenly changes and makes a serious face that scares me! and then I look away from her.

This is almost exactly what's happening with me right now too except for me it's progressed to a point where I'm constantly fluctuating between yearning for her and anxiety at the thought of scaring her away. Best of luck, man. I wish I knew a solution because if I had one I'd solve it for myself.

 

[OCDsufferer]

I'm going to tell you this as someone who has never been single for longer than a year even if some relationships ended loveless and as an autistic person who doesn't even understand sarcasm. The only way to solve that issue (and even without that issue this is still what should be done) is to talk to her. You must choose your words carefully, we all do no matter the conversation really but when it comes to these topics you must be clear in your intentions. You must be clear in what you feel, ask her directly if she's possibly interested in you. So many people complain it's hard to do that and yes it can be but if you do not do it they'll move onto somebody who will.

This is almost exactly what's happening with me right now too except for me it's progressed to a point where I'm constantly fluctuating between yearning for her and anxiety at the thought of scaring her away. Best of luck, man. I wish I knew a solution because if I had one I'd solve it for myself.

My earlier reply to OP could help you too and I can tell you that if you do no imply anything horrendous and you simply good-heartedly ask if she's into you or if she'd like to go on a date, it will lead somewhere even if it is rejection. I wouldn't push away a friend for asking that and I know from personal experience most people don't unless you're weird about it which is something very easy to avoid even if it might require some practice in the mirror.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My earlier reply to OP could help you too and I can tell you that if you do no imply anything horrendous and you simply good-heartedly ask if she's into you or if she'd like to go on a date, it will lead somewhere even if it is rejection. I wouldn't push away a friend for asking that and I know from personal experience most people don't unless you're weird about it which is something very easy to avoid even if it might require some practice in the mirror.

This is probably the right move but things are complicated since she's from my workplace and if things do go south I would probably have to quit for my own sake. I've thought of trying to line up another job first before I ask her but I just don't have the energy for that and it might take too long so I'm still stuck. I also don't get that much time to actually talk to her and this doesn't seem like something I'd want to ask over text. I also probably can't avoid being weird around her because of how nervous I tend to get especially around her. I even had an actual panic attack once when I saw her standing next to some other guy.

Side note: I hate looking into mirrors for too long because I always start imagining horror movie scenarios from them. More of my anxiety at work it seems.

 

[OCDsufferer]

This is probably the right move but things are complicated since she's from my workplace and if things do go south I would probably have to quit for my own sake. I've thought of trying to line up another job first before I ask her but I just don't have the energy for that and it might take too long so I'm still stuck. I also don't get that much time to actually talk to her and this doesn't seem like something I'd want to ask over text.

Side note: I hate looking into mirrors for too long because I always start imagining horror movie scenarios from them. More of my anxiety at work it seems.

Don't have much experience with dating coworkers since I'm a manager I don't want to feel like I'm preying on anyone or playing favorites. And I understand your worries if lining up another job helps I say go for it. Though as I said if nothing very bad happens I'd say as south as it can go would be talking less. Whether to ask over text or not well that'd depend on the person and on how you're hoping the relationship to go. I've definitely asked people out over text simply because it wasn't that serious or I could tell they'd personally be more confortable with it. All and all I wish you good luck with it!

Ah, I get that. There's a pertinent Fernando Pessoa quote on mirrors that goes as follows, "Man shouldn't be able to see his own face – there's nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart." I personaly am extremely disconnected from my physical body so I stare at the mirror for hours wondering who that is.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Don't have much experience with dating coworkers since I'm a manager I don't want to feel like I'm preying on anyone or playing favorites. And I understand your worries if lining up another job helps I say go for it. Though as I said if nothing very bad happens I'd say as south as it can go would be talking less. Whether to ask over text or not well that'd depend on the person and on how you're hoping the relationship to go. I've definitely asked people out over text simply because it wasn't that serious or I could tell they'd personally be more confortable with it. All and all I wish you good luck with it!

At least neither she nor I are managers but I still don't know if I'd be able to handle the awkwardness of it all although it's already getting pretty awkward now between us sometimes, at least in my head it is. I think logically I know the consequences really wouldn't be bad enough to justify this level of fear I've been feeling but I know once the moment comes no amount of logic and reasoning will be enough to circumvent the anxiety I would feel. The only thing that might successfully grant me courage would be getting buzzed or drunk but I'm not about to show up to work in that state for obvious reasons.

 

[sserafim]

Do you have Asperger's?

 

[OCDsufferer]

At least neither she nor I are managers but I still don't know if I'd be able to handle the awkwardness of it all although it's already getting pretty awkward now between us sometimes, at least in my head it is. I think logically I know the consequences really wouldn't be bad enough to justify this level of fear I've been feeling but I know once the moment comes no amount of logic and reasoning will be enough to circumvent the anxiety I would feel. The only thing that might successfully grant me courage would be getting buzzed or drunk but I'm not about to show up to work in that state for obvious reasons.

And I would also advise you not to do it drunk but I understand it completely I have probably one of the worst anxiety disorders which is OCD. And you're right, there's no arguing or reasoning with unreasonable thoughts. But if it helps it's very likely the anxiety that's imagining the awkwardness because anxiety needs something to make you anxious about and if there's nothing you can rest assured it will invent it. Best thing you can do is psych yourself for it and just let the anxiety keep knocking at the door while you leave it unanswered. Most people (me included) are very anxious in this situation as well I have cried before in front of the person but, that can be explained to the other person (as I said before be as straightforward as possible) they'd understand unless they are an asshole and in that case you'd be better off without.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

And I would also advise you not to do it drunk but I understand it completely I have probably one of the worst anxiety disorders which is OCD. And you're right, there's no arguing or reasoning with unreasonable thoughts. But if it helps it's very likely the anxiety that's imagining the awkwardness because anxiety needs something to make you anxious about and if there's nothing you can rest assured it will invent it. Best thing you can do is psych yourself for it and just let the anxiety keep knocking at the door while you leave it unanswered. Most people (me included) are very anxious in this situation as well I have cried before in front of the person but, that can be explained to the other person (as I said before be as straightforward as possible) they'd understand unless they are an asshole and in that case you'd be better off without.

My anxiety also likes to imagine that she might actually feel so uncomfortable that she'd want to report me to HR and leave permanent scars on any record I have. Or that she maybe actually really did like me at first but my waffling about has already caused me to fall out of favor in her eyes. Or that she might also like someone else and me at the same time and I might be getting in that dude's way and tearing her apart with conflicting feelings just by existing.

I suppose to dispel these worries I really should just bite the bullet and strike when the time is right but how the heck am I supposed to know? There were already lots of times when I had no idea if the time was right but only later did it seem that way but these moments had nothing in common and it's impossible for me to rely on my own instinct for this…

 

[damyon]

I believe I can interpret signals well due to my training in understanding them.


However, I often find myself questioning why we rely on these signals instead of direct communication.
That is why I frequently withdraw myself from society. I started to view socialization more as a means to an end rather than an enjoyable experience.

This is probably the right move but things are complicated since she's from my workplace and if things do go south I would probably have to quit for my own sake.

(sorry for jumping in...) I replied to you in a similar way to OCDSufferer in a different thread.

While you are right that things can go south, they will not stay like that forever. It may be awkward for about a month between you two, but this will not last forever.
This can probably also strengthen the bond between you two (after the initial period).

 

[OCDsufferer]

My anxiety also likes to imagine that she might actually feel so uncomfortable that she'd want to report me to HR and leave permanent scars on any record I have. Or that she maybe actually really did like me at first but my waffling about has already caused me to fall out of favor in her eyes. Or that she might also like someone else and me at the same time and I might be getting in that dude's way and tearing her apart with conflicting feelings just by existing.

I suppose to dispel these worries I really should just bite the bullet and strike when the time is right but how the heck am I supposed to know? There were already lots of times when I had no idea if the time was right but only later did it seem that way but these moments had nothing in common and it's impossible for me to rely on my own instinct for this…

Those are all valid worries, it really is a matter to speaking to her directly otherwise you'll just keep finding these reasons to not do it and eventually self-sabotage. The time is right when you feel it is right, unfortunately there's no sign from god telling you when to do it. As long as it isn't during a moment of stress it would be fine. Do rely in your instinct trust me, it is what everyone else does after all because there truly is no other way.

 

[Dark Moon]

I have had this happened to me before, it could be my autism that I can't read the signals and respond.

 

[Quinlor]

Ten days ago I found the courage to ask the name of the girl I was in love with.
That day she told me and just smiled at me all day. I was overjoyed. Then she disappeared for 10 days...
Today I bumped into her and when I asked her what happened she interrupted me and said: "Apart from calling me "Y" I have two children and so..."

I ran away in despair, ashamed of what had happened!
I feel like throwing myself off a cliff, it always happens to me!