Venting Does anyone hate themselves so much to the point of ctbing

[agony1996]

Does anyone want to ctb so badly because they hate themselves to the point that they can't see anyone and are in complete isolation. Self hatred is the worse feeling in the world, especially if there was a time in the past when you were so confident.how can a person live like this? I hate the fucking universe it's my birthday in 5 days and I'm so angry why does the universe put us through this sometimes I feel like it enjoys watching me suffer. I hate life I hate myself I hate everything I just want to go.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way about themselves

 

[drag201]

Yes I feel the same way. I hate myself but I dislike admitting it because of how bad it is. Internally I just hate everything I do and the way I am and how I act and I don't want to feel deserving of anything. I push away any form of help because in my head I just don't deserve it. I used to be very confident as well but like, superficially (looks and stuff). Deep down I've always hated myself no matter how much of a high or low point I was at in life. The biggest reason I want to CTB is just so I don't have to be myself ever again.

 

[abchia]

Yes. I've hated myself since I was old enough to go to school. It started off with my appearance, and then how I act, sound, push people away, disappoint everyone, disappoint myself, and so on. I hate being myself, I get jealous when I see others being confident and enjoying themselves. And then I hate that I get jealous, and then suddenly I don't deserve to be happy like the others because I am selfish, and well one thing leads to another it never ends.

 

[LittleMoose]

I know exactly what you mean. Not only are they negative thoughts I've had for so long, I've had some reinforced by certain people. I know I'm unlovable, but it's something you don't expect people close to you to essentially agree with. The last time I slept with the man I love last year on my birthday, he told me it just felt good to be inside someone again. It just reinforced the idea that all I'm good for is sex. :/

 

[N33dT0D13]

It just feels right to hate myself tbh, like listening to a song about health care and laughing as you sing the words cuz you know you'd stab yourself right through the heart if only you feared pain and uncertainty press and hated yourself just that teeny bit more... I hate everything about myself, my behavior, my thoughts, my appearance, my voice, the way I perceive myself even, even in the times I don't hate myself, it all seems so pointless, I feel so pointless. I can't think of anything that I don't hate about myself, even my positive traits have some sort of negative catch to them cuz I can't just be decent in any way... I cannot wait to die, I hope it's soon, I hope it's now, in the next few seconds, and it won't be and that annoys me and makes me sad and I hate that about myself too, I wish I could just will myself dead... This post is too long and I hate myself for that too, rambling idiot...

 

[ADBoy777]

I hate life but I pretty love myself, most of the time at least.
That's why I want to suicide, I'm doing it for the sake of myself. I truly don't find any good reason to keep on

 

[etherealspring]

yeah hating myself is the main reason i want to CTB i literally cant be alone with my own thoughts without feeling like im gonna go insane

 

[Wishing2di3]

I can't describe how much i hate every single thing about myself. My life is too hard for me because i am me. I wish I could be someone else. I tried to be the person others wanted me to be for a very very long time. It seems now I just can't do it anymore and I'm exhausted tbh. I wish none of us had reasons to hate ourselves.

 

[Lily_bun]

I hate myself to my very core, I can't forgive myself for my past actions I've done terrible things to people. I've also hurt two people I love deeply and I hate myself for pushing them away they deserved better. I can't look at myself without feeling immediate disgust. What I've done is a big motivator for me to ctb. I just hope it's enough to compensate for all the awful things I've done.

 

[PixelPlant]

i despise myself too and humanity as a whole. i wish existence didnt even happen and hope humans would just vanish. tho i doubt it because it's impossible.

 

[kyhoti]

Well, if you typed up a list of things about me, but attributed to another person, it's quite likely that I would end that person to make the world better. So, yeah.

 

[nihilism__]

S

Does anyone want to ctb so badly because they hate themselves to the point that they can't see anyone and are in complete isolation. Self hatred is the worse feeling in the world, especially if there was a time in the past when you were so confident.how can a person live like this? I hate the fucking universe it's my birthday in 5 days and I'm so angry why does the universe put us through this sometimes I feel like it enjoys watching me suffer. I hate life I hate myself I hate everything I just want to go.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way about themselves

Same, going to CTB next week Because of that

 

[agony1996]

S

Same, going to CTB next week Because of that

I'm so sorry it has brought you to this point.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't hate myself yet I want to ctb. I actually love myself and the way I am. What I hate is society, the world and other people.

I got a question: if you hate yourself, why do you want to ctb? I made a thread before of me getting confused why people who hate themselves see death as a bad thing. In my opinion, hating yourself and wanting death are complete opposites. Death is just permanent non existence, the cessation to all suffering. Surely people who hate themselves would want themselves to suffer more, not less? I'm not saying you should suffer more btw, I'm just curious as to what your mindset is like as it confuses me

 

[SoulWhisperer]

It is a kind of reoccurring event in me to feel so bad to want to CTB just because of how much I hate, disapprove and dislike myself and my existence as a whole.

 

[Hotsackage]

I don't think anyone should hate themselves, being given a real shit hand and you are not responsible for it, should not warrant self hatred

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't think anyone should hate themselves, being given a real shit hand and you are not responsible for it, should not warrant self hatred

Not everyone who hates themself were given a shit hand. I wasn't given a dhit hand and I hate myself. For a long time that was one of the major reasons why I wanted to die. As of now, my main reason for wanting to die is mostly just because I don't want to live a long life, but I still hate myself.

 

[divinemistress36]

I know exactly what you mean. Not only are they negative thoughts I've had for so long, I've had some reinforced by certain people. I know I'm unlovable, but it's something you don't expect people close to you to essentially agree with. The last time I slept with the man I love last year on my birthday, he told me it just felt good to be inside someone again. It just reinforced the idea that all I'm good for is sex. :/

Its not your fault a lot of men especially in their 20s are just run by their animal sex drive , few have the maturity for anything more

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ya the fact you don't want to live tho, doesn't mean you have to hate yourself. I'm just saying to ease the tension

What? What did you say to ease the tension exactly? Hating yourself doesn't mean that you were dealt a shit hand and some people do want to die out of self-hatred. Telling people otherwise isn't going to help them, especially when you don't know why they even hate themself in the first.

 

[iloveduster]

I get completely what you mean. Nothing ever goes right and I can't talk to anyone. I have no one by my side and it feels like the universe likes seeing me suffer. I don't even think anyone would mourn my death after I ctb. I just hope to get it over with. I could never recover and live with this pain. I hate this. I just want peace is that so hard to obtain?

 

[Hotsackage]

What? What did you say to ease the tension exactly? Hating yourself doesn't mean that you were dealt a shit hand and some people do want to die out of self-hatred. Telling people otherwise isn't going to help them, especially when you don't know why they even hate themself in the first.

ya but why do you blame yourself yourself for it, I'm assuming that's where self hatred originates from. Look I want to understand, because I'm not trying to save anyone, but a lot of things are tainted because society is so clueless.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

ya but why do you blame yourself yourself for it, I'm assuming that's where self hatred originates from. Look I want to understand, because I'm not trying to save anyone, but a lot of things are tainted because society is so clueless.

Sometimes self-hatred just happens. Nobody is claiming to blame themself for some specific event or whatever and sometimes things are actually just your fault.

 

[Hotsackage]

Sometimes self-hatred just happens. Nobody is claiming to blame themself for some specific event or whatever and sometimes things are actually just your fault.

Ya trauma is something one doesn't necessarily just gets over. Time moves on tho, anyway ty for the enlightening me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ya trauma is something one doesn't necessarily just gets over. Time moves on tho, anyway ty for the enlightening me.

Not everyone who hates themself suffers from trauma. I hate myself and I have no history of trauma.

 

[Hotsackage]

Not everyone who hates themself suffers from trauma. I hate myself and I have no history of trauma.

Ok after further reading I get it, but i think the term victim should be redefined. Anyway well wishes

 

[agony1996]

No, I don't hate myself yet I want to ctb. I actually love myself and the way I am. What I hate is society, the world and other people.

I got a question: if you hate yourself, why do you want to ctb? I made a thread before of me getting confused why people who hate themselves see death as a bad thing. In my opinion, hating yourself and wanting death are complete opposites. Death is just permanent non existence, the cessation to all suffering. Surely people who hate themselves would want themselves to suffer more, not less? I'm not saying you should suffer more btw, I'm just curious as to what your mindset is like as it confuses me

I want to ctb for other reasons as well but the main reason is because my self hatred is so intense to the point that I have to completely isolate myself, not having any contact with anyone and not being able to see people cause I don't want anyone to see me. Being in complete isolation for so many months leads to severe depression. I'm confused by the question, sorry maybe I misunderstood

No, I don't hate myself yet I want to ctb. I actually love myself and the way I am. What I hate is society, the world and other people.

I got a question: if you hate yourself, why do you want to ctb? I made a thread before of me getting confused why people who hate themselves see death as a bad thing. In my opinion, hating yourself and wanting death are complete opposites. Death is just permanent non existence, the cessation to all suffering. Surely people who hate themselves would want themselves to suffer more, not less? I'm not saying you should suffer more btw, I'm just curious as to what your mindset is like as it confuses me

I don't see death as a bad thing I never said that. I'm scared of ctbing but don't see death as a bad thing.

 

[mrtime87]

Does anyone want to ctb so badly because they hate themselves to the point that they can't see anyone and are in complete isolation. Self hatred is the worse feeling in the world, especially if there was a time in the past when you were so confident.how can a person live like this? I hate the fucking universe it's my birthday in 5 days and I'm so angry why does the universe put us through this sometimes I feel like it enjoys watching me suffer. I hate life I hate myself I hate everything I just want to go.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way about themselves

Everyday of my life, and I'm 38!years old. I was an arrogant and prideful asshole in my 20s who thought I never had to see a doctor or dentists.

Now my health is deteriorating and I'm laying in bed every day thinking of every stupid thing I've ever done or said.

We can't change who we are but we can make conscious efforts to repent and change our equal even if it's too late to change our circumstances.

My mistake was thinking I would just kill myself if things got bad and now that blew up in my face.

I do a lot of should've thought experiments to try and think where my life would have ended up if I had done things differently, which just makes me resentful of my life even more.

I'm trying to accept my date and donate best I can to repent, but there's still times where I frantically Google ways to kill myself.

I can't get a gun and I'm down to a rope and hanging myself, but the thought of choking for 7 minutes prevents me from doing it.

So yeah, you're not the only one.

 

[agony1996]

Everyday of my life, and I'm 38!years old. I was an arrogant and prideful asshole in my 20s who thought I never had to see a doctor or dentists.

Now my health is deteriorating and I'm laying in bed every day thinking of every stupid thing I've ever done or said.

We can't change who we are but we can make conscious efforts to repent and change our equal even if it's too late to change our circumstances.

My mistake was thinking I would just kill myself if things got bad and now that blew up in my face.

I do a lot of should've thought experiments to try and think where my life would have ended up if I had done things differently, which just makes me resentful of my life even more.

I'm trying to accept my date and donate best I can to repent, but there's still times where I frantically Google ways to kill myself.

I can't get a gun and I'm down to a rope and hanging myself, but the thought of choking for 7 minutes prevents me from doing it.

So yeah, you're not the only one.

I'm sorry it sounds like you're suffering a lot. You seem like a nice person and you don't deserve this. I keep questioning why good people have to suffer so much.
It always seems like the good people are the ones who suffer most and can't understand why. The universe is so cruel

 

[mrtime87]

I'm sorry it sounds like you're suffering a lot. You seem like a nice person and you don't deserve this. I keep questioning why good people have to suffer so much.
It always seems like the good people are the ones who suffer most and can't understand why. The universe is so cruel

Thanks for the kind words but sadly I don't consider myself a good person because of how irresponsible I am.

This goes back to my childhood and not listening to my elders, which I never outgrew.

The older I get the more I regret thinking I could just kill myself because life truly is precious.

I think it's not so much I want to die as I don't want to live.

 

[huntermellow]

i hate everything about myself. i remember hating myself ever since i was a child. being mistreated and disliked by your own family really does numbers on your self image. i hate how i've never been able to be normal. i used to be insecure about every little thing about myself and some of those insecurities are gone but the self hatred hasn't left. i hate my personality the most now. the way i act and think and talk and feel because i know i'll never be able to change it. it's the main reason i drive people away. it's why everyone thinks i'm a freak and i hate feeling this way and being seen as crazy by everyone in my life.