Venting Does anyone hate celebrating their birthday ?

[LivideLamb]

I fucking hate celebrating my birthday

It always has been. Even as a little girl. I used to hate it. The attention, the presents, the family coming together to threw you a nice birthday party to "celebrate" another year in this miserable life

The older I get, the more hate and disgust I have towards this so called celebration. I absolutely despise it

Personally, I don't want to celebrate it, I just want to sleep all day long, forget about it, act as if nothing happens. Yet, I know, like every other year, family are gonna call, everyone is gonna be joyful over the phone, while I'm on the other side of the phone feeling like I'm gonna throw up. What is there to celebrate ? Depression, anxiety, illnesses, a fucked up life ?

I know how I'm gonna pass my birthday this year. Coping in the worst way possible, since I can't CTB yet. I'm gonna get wasted, take a little bit too much meds, and, be real high from it for once

Sorry for the venting. Hopefully I'm not the only one feeling that way

 

[ForgottenAgain]

You're not the only one no. I also hate celebrating my birthday...
Ever since my mother died I see no point in it and ever since that year, every birthday is worse than the previous culminating into the year where no one remembered me. When I spent the day completely alone, crying. Not a phone call, not a text, nothing.

Several years I "celebrated" my birthday alone. Now I have my boyfriend but it still feels so sad, so empty... My boyfriend isn't enough to surpass the immense loneliness in my heart and the memories of a younger me, with my parents singing happy birthday, family together, happy. All of that feels like it was a century ago and the people that mattered are dead and never coming back.

 

[Eternal Eyes]

Yep. 100% how I feel as well, and always have. Even as a kid, when I didn't actively dislike it, something always seemed off. Perhaps it was just the passage of time in general that upset me.

As time as gone on I think I dislike it even more. I deliberately refrain from telling people my birthday, and never go out, just stay in doors, and like you, try to sleep it off.

 

[ashtoreth]

You're not. I've usually found my birthdays awkward before. But this year's birthday was probably the first where I didn't see, hear or speak to anyone. I didn't want to. The only person whom I did want to see never showed up, and never even sent any birthday message that day, and not on any day after that. I think no message at all, period. It was a few days before breakup.

It makes no sense to celebrate a broken, messed-up, vacuous and strained state of sentience. Even the body is contributing its piece now. My life is fucked up, wtf am I gonna celebrate? Others may see some "achievement", but they don't realize the context.

Someone had left a present at my door. It's just sitting on a shelf, unopened. It's been months. Sometimes it's on the edge of my view when I pass by, and I feel nothing.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I fucking hate celebrating my birthday

It always has been. Even as a little girl. I used to hate it. The attention, the presents, the family coming together to threw you a nice birthday party to "celebrate" another year in this miserable life

The older I get, the more hate and disgust I have towards this so called celebration. I absolutely despise it

Personally, I don't want to celebrate it, I just want to sleep all day long, forget about it, act as if nothing happens. Yet, I know, like every other year, family are gonna call, everyone is gonna be joyful over the phone, while I'm on the other side of the phone feeling like I'm gonna throw up. What is there to celebrate ? Depression, anxiety, illnesses, a fucked up life ?

I know how I'm gonna pass my birthday this year. Coping in the worst way possible, since I can't CTB yet. I'm gonna get wasted, take a little bit too much meds, and, be real high from it for once

Sorry for the venting. Hopefully I'm not the only one feeling that way

It's been a really long time since my birthday was even remotely celebrated. The closest was when I turned 22 years ago. Many of those birthdays were just spent alone. Kind of like Christmas for me which is another thing that has been a long time since it was really Christmas .

I think birthdays are really the world showing you how much they care. And well my birthday has shown not at all.

 

[27ClubSoon]

Yes. I think it is natural to hate your birthday if you're not a massive fan of your own life.

It's an enforced external reflection point, a reminder of the passage of time. I always find the day difficult as it's just a reminder that nothing has truly changed since the last time.

This year I have promised myself I will let go the day before my birthday. It also is convenient because it means there aren't two separate occasions for people to grieve me on.

 

[max_vader2]

I feel so represented by the post. I also learned a dislike to my birthday, and as many people are saying here, I don't see a reason to celebrate.

I have made a plan to survive until my kids are 18 and don't need me anymore, but I don't think I can live that long.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case it just represents how I've suffered for yet another year in this cruel, torturous existence that only ever brought me pain. More than anything I wish I never existed at all, I only hope and wish for eternal nothingness, I find it such a terrible tragedy how I had to suffer in this existence in the first place and it really scares me how this existence could potentially continue for much longer.

 

[justkatie]

I'm too old to even care anymore lol

I vaguely "celebrated" my 18th but now I'm 40, I just don't care anymore.

 

[Ethernatuskoi]

I don't know how to explain it, but my 18th birthday was my worst birthday. My family cared about me, and that's not a bad thing, but that day I was feeling so mentally ill that I was wishing I could sleep all day, just to forget this date.....

It was supposed to be a happy date, but it seems that as depression takes over you, you feel bad even in the moments that should be happy for you, so I feel like, on future birthdays, if I'm alive, I'll keep feeling bad and miserable...

 

[VeryShy]

I didn't hate celebrating my birthday when I was a kid and thing were much better, but since then I absolutely started to hate my birthday, as it marks just another year of suffering.

 

[Eole2.0]

I'm 40 yo and I started to hate my bday at 25. Now I turn off my phone and give myself an outlet

 

[blacksand]

Birthdays feel like they come up every few weeks once you're 25+. It's nothing significant to celebrate even if I wanted to. Each birthday is little more than a reminder that I'm somehow even more miserable than the last.

 

[Leon1114]

I dont like it too

 

[Bleh61]

Absolutely! I never really liked to focus on my birthdays, but, the last three years have made me litterally hate my birthday. It reminds me that I'm almost 61, and still looking for a new job.
Now it just triggers me. I feel anger, despair and hopeless.

 

[Gangrel]

Yeah i hate it, all the happy birthdays from co workers and family when i'm really hating that day inside, the day i was born and forced to be here against my will. It kinda sickens me.