Discussion does anyone feel like they go on autopilot?

[raineen]

i constantly feel like i go on autopilot during my life, i sometimes get a moment of lucidity, where things make sense, but there's no past, or future, only the now, and i'm not even sure where now is. nothing feels real, and i feel extremely hollow because of it. even right now, i barely feel like i am present as i am typing this, and it's more like the words are streamed to the screen and i don't remember typing correctly, i know i did it, but i don't remember exactly what it entailed.

i am curious if anyone has experiences with that.

 

[lilies.in.heaven]

Well, I do remember feeling like things aren't that real when my depression was worse than it's now (I'm on antidepressants so it's improved a little bit)

And I also remember feeling a very strong "autopilot" feeling the day I was the most near to CTB. I remember feeling overwhelmed but disconnected from myself at the same time. Yeah, it's a very strange feeling and I'm sorry you're going through it.

 

[raineen]

Well, I do remember feeling like things aren't that real when my depression was worse than it's now (I'm on antidepressants so it's improved a little bit)

And I also remember feeling a very strong "autopilot" feeling the day I was the most near to CTB. I remember feeling overwhelmed but disconnected from myself at the same time. Yeah, it's a very strange feeling and I'm sorry you're going through it.

it's so absurd, nothing is real, i also feel very close to it, and at the same time, i feel nothing about it, i feel disconnected from my own feelings somehow, i can process it logically, but not emotionally. i feel like my brain gave up dealing with emotional things, otherwise it would go crazy, and yet somehow CTB still makes sense. and another part of me worries about that, and what it could mean.

 

[xterii]

youre absolutely not alone. feel the same way every single day, 24/7

it's as if your body isn't yours. even worse having to be in a social/public setting, it feels like youre some foreign creature trying to fit in with humans. it's a very difficult out-of-body and mind experience to explain to someone

do you have a lot of thoughts/voices in your mind, or are they quiet?

 

[raineen]

youre absolutely not alone. feel the same way every single day, 24/7

it's as if your body isn't yours. even worse having to be in a social/public setting, it feels like youre some foreign creature trying to fit in with humans. it's a very difficult out-of-body and mind experience to explain to someone

do you have a lot of thoughts/voices in your mind, or are they quiet?

that's such a specific question and i'm not sure why it made me stop for a second.

quiet i think. but sometimes i'll have a thought and not be totally sure if i was the one who had it. not like hearing things, more like. finding something in your own handwriting and not remembering writing it. it's mine, it must be, but there's this small gap where the certainty should be.

i usually don't think about it too hard

 

[Kamaainakupua]

i constantly feel like i go on autopilot during my life, i sometimes get a moment of lucidity, where things make sense, but there's no past, or future, only the now, and i'm not even sure where now is. nothing feels real, and i feel extremely hollow because of it. even right now, i barely feel like i am present as i am typing this, and it's more like the words are streamed to the screen and i don't remember typing correctly, i know i did it, but i don't remember exactly what it entailed.

i am curious if anyone has experiences with that.

I've had that happen, but only when I'm on certain medications. I was on a trial medication, suvorexant, an orexin antagonist that's currently being used as a sleep aid. The trial I was participating in was testing its efficacy on sui ideation. It worked great for that, but it put me in a dream, or fugue state where I basically hallucinated, or made up a different reality in my head as if I was in a dream. I almost got run down in the street because my mind told me the car would not run the red light, even though I KNEW he wouldn't stop for the red light. It's the Bronx! I'm only able tell this story because another pedestrian grabbed my backpack and pulled me back out of the way. I was in such a haze I just walked right back into the street and kept going like nothing happened. It took five minutes for me to come out of it, and realize I'd almost been hit. The drug caused a few more similar episodes before the trial ended, but I've rambled long enough. I understand better now how it is for people who experience this on a daily basis, and all I can offer is /hugs