does anyone else with physical health issues intentionally worsen symptoms/stop considering them?

[jamesies]

either as a form of self harm or some long-term suicide method. not a very reliable method (in my case at least), but its definitely a form of self harm.

i was medically neglected as a kid, and just started seeing doctors as an adult, so my health issues arent even close to sorted through yet.

one example is my celiac disease, when im doing especially bad ill just eat stuff with gluten in it all sneakily. there were brownies on the breakroom table and of course i took some even though they made me feel like shit

i try not to drink too much caffeine because i dont want to be dependent on it, but drinking way too much caffeine is another example. i have pulmonary hypertension which leads to a weaker heart and it fucks me up so bad when i drink caffeine. i dont eat nearly enough as well, so that makes things worse

my narcoleptic issues are a whole 'nother thing. i dont really have to do anything for that to fuck up my life. ever since my symptoms started getting worse, my life took a serious nosedive. it gets worse with stress, so it all just feeds into each other.

so for me at least, its more self harm than a method. funnily enough, im really scared of dying to any health issues, i dont want that to happen. even though i want to die. maybe this is a sign that i dont actually want to die


guhh i drank way too much caffeine and im stocking the hardest section at work ):


as awful as my mom was to me, i dont wanna be another heart issue death in the family, she'd be so upset. idk why i do this to myself, i get some weird kick out of feeling physically ill or hurt

 

[interna]

yeah. i have a lot of stuff like painful infections and sprained ankles and shit piling up and i ignore it because no one pushes me to go get them checked out even after ive said that i wont go to the hospital for my own sake and that i need someone else to go with me or i just flat out wont do it. i hate myself too much to take care of my body and also ill be gone soon anyways.

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

either as a form of self harm or some long-term suicide method. not a very reliable method (in my case at least), but its definitely a form of self harm.

i was medically neglected as a kid, and just started seeing doctors as an adult, so my health issues arent even close to sorted through yet.

one example is my celiac disease, when im doing especially bad ill just eat stuff with gluten in it all sneakily. there were brownies on the breakroom table and of course i took some even though they made me feel like shit

i try not to drink too much caffeine because i dont want to be dependent on it, but drinking way too much caffeine is another example. i have pulmonary hypertension which leads to a weaker heart and it fucks me up so bad when i drink caffeine. i dont eat nearly enough as well, so that makes things worse

my narcoleptic issues are a whole 'nother thing. i dont really have to do anything for that to fuck up my life. ever since my symptoms started getting worse, my life took a serious nosedive. it gets worse with stress, so it all just feeds into each other.

so for me at least, its more self harm than a method. funnily enough, im really scared of dying to any health issues, i dont want that to happen. even though i want to die. maybe this is a sign that i dont actually want to die


guhh i drank way too much caffeine and im stocking the hardest section at work ):


as awful as my mom was to me, i dont wanna be another heart issue death in the family, she'd be so upset. idk why i do this to myself, i get some weird kick out of feeling physically ill or hurt

Lately it's sugar and bad foods for me. I've learned I did this subconsciously all my life with smoking too. I secretly wish I could go into a diabetic shock.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yes. I'm ignoring things that I normally wouldn't since I want to ctb soon, and so they absolutely do not matter. Or won't matter soon enough.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

I have severe asthma, haven't taken my medication in months and smoke. I breath like shit and have for so long i forget about it. So i get you. Hope you find peace.

 

[TheUncommon]

I wake up daily spitting up blood from a combination of wisdom teeth emerging and cracked molars. Every day since 2023. Very indifferent to the situation. Surprised that some infection didn't kill me yet.

 

[kilowatt]

I recently started having seizures because of the stress I hold and it's driving me off the edge. This on top of the standard nerve damage, wound healing, nausea, drowsiness I have to pull through from the moment I wake up. It gets to me a lot.

 

[jamesies]

I recently started having seizures because of the stress I hold and it's driving me off the edge. This on top of the standard nerve damage, wound healing, nausea, drowsiness I have to pull through from the moment I wake up. It gets to me a lot.

god, im sorry ): that sounds awful. i wish you luck and i hope things ease up for you soon that must be hard

 

[nendn]

Stop considering yes