Discussion Does anyone else want to ctb because they've been bullied?

[Squiddy]

Not my main reason for wanting to ctb, but it's one of them. I was bullied badly in middle school where I was called all sorts of names, alienated, even punched etc... I still have dreams 8 years later to where my bullies show up in my dreams. Some dreams are them being nice oddly, others are them being assholes. I wish they would stop. Idk why I keep having them. It started to get more recent within these past few weeks. I just wish I could die peacefully.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's certainly contributed. I never really though of myself as being bullied since I was rarely physically attacked, but looking back on it the constant isolation and being called a weirdo for almost no reason totally destroyed any chance of me having a good mental state.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Yeah I was bullied a lot as a child. My 'friends' never really liked me, they just wanted someone they could push around.

It took me much longer to realise that I was passing the bullying on to others - not physically but just being mean. Maybe I just thought thats how people behaved towards each other IDK. I'll struggle to forgive myself for that.

 

[Despondent]

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through that :( I really don't know why people bully. Everyone says that it's to make the "bully" feel better about themselves which I don't grasp. Maybe it's because I don't understand their screwed up minds.

I don't think I've ever been "bullied" but people looked at me as a dumb person lol Especially in elementary and middle school. I was super quiet and kept to myself most times. They'd talk to me as if I were stupid like I didn't notice. I could tell that they didn't like me for whatever reason. I guess my existence was a problem which I now would agree with them haha

It's not really a reason I want to ctb.. I would like to let loose on them though. I absolutely hate people outside of this forum who are a bunch of snarks. What's the point, honestly

 

[LostMyWay]

Like some others mentioned above me, it definitely is one of the reasons. Bullying made me feel worthless like I was cursed and that there was something wrong with me, which made someone like me who was already introverted and timid even more closed off to the world. I don't really know the true reason why people bully but I believe it's either because they've been bullied before (I always hear the saying that most bullies have been bullied), or maybe their parents and the people surrounding them as they grew up were just nasty human beings and they're like that as a result. It sucks though, that the bullies simply get to walk away carefree not knowing they could've possibly caused that person long term or even life long mental torment. Such is life though.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

This is horrible, I have nightmares of unpleasant memories at school, even today. Shit

 

[blivogade]

Though i haven't been bullied in years, the years i suffered definitely didn't help the situation i find myself in today.
I can still relive what they said and did to me, those actions and words will haunt me forever.
I have no trust in anyone since then to the point i cant hold a friendship or relationship due to fears its a joke and my self esteem is completely unsalvageable.

Bullying is absolutely soul destroying.

 

[SeekingMoksha]

Yeah. I do. I find it difficult to relate to people. I'm unattractive and boring so people are naturally put off by me. I find it weird how they stress the importance of interpersonal relationships while alienating people for dumb, superficial reasons. I'm so fed up with this society and the way it treats people, especially the way they treat the mentally ill. Telling us to just snap out of it, and join the human race towards more meaningless suffering.

 

[Eren]

I am so sorry ... I have also been bullied at school, they rarely beat me, but it was psychological, I know it is horrible.

It is not one of my reasons for CTB, I have no dreams about it, but sometimes memories come to me about it. I think that in my case he has been able to influence how I am with others, distrustful.

I really don't know what to tell you, I'm not good at encouraging people, but if you need to speak, I'm here to listen to you.

 

[terry_a_davis]

These comments make me sad. Bullies are horrible people.

 

[BobbyPellitt]

Yes, I was also bullied in middle school all the way till graduation simply because of how I looked. I went from being a bright, optimistic and outgoing kid into someone who develops social phobia and is filled with anger and resentment. 5 years later and I still can't get over it. Honestly, if I had known things would turn out this way for me, I would've at least stand up for myself and fight back instead of doing nothing. It is still my biggest regret in life till this day.

 

[Meowkin]

Not my main reason for wanting to ctb, but it's one of them. I was bullied badly in middle school where I was called all sorts of names, alienated, even punched etc... I still have dreams 8 years later to where my bullies show up in my dreams. Some dreams are them being nice oddly, others are them being assholes. I wish they would stop. Idk why I keep having them. It started to get more recent within these past few weeks. I just wish I could die peacefully.

I'm the same. I wouldn't say bullying is the main reason but it's definitely one of the reasons I want to ctb. All those memories that won't go away.

 

[in hell out soon]

absolutely. Not the main reason but it definitely contributed.

I don't think I've had any self esteem since I was like nine but I've been bullied severely ever since I started school because I was very bad at pretending to be "normal".

Air quotes because to be honest there's no such thing as normal and children (and sometimes even the teachers) are just cruel.

 

[lostangel]

Yes, school was awful. I hated it. I was verbally bullied regularly and I didn't make any friends so I didn't have anyone to ''protect'' me. I didn't have any trusted adults to confide to.

 

[RayoSinSol]

Somehow, I was never directly bullied as a kid, despite being very potentially vulnerable to bullying. Guess I just went to good schools.

Most of the bullying I've experienced in my life so far has been after I started trying to find jobs, and, since, I've become an absolute magnet for workplace harassment, which certainly contributes as a reason.

 

[K-O]

i guess if i wasn't raised by a bully my hole life and character would have been different..
so tbh it is probably the core\main reason that led to everything else and to the now..

 

[Sweet Release]

I'm so sorry you went through that.
I was bullied at school too and it definitely contributed to my psychiatric problems and where I am at now.

I was also bullied for having psychiatric problems as an adult so it seemed like a never ending cycle.
I just want the trauma to be over.

 

[muffin222]

It's definitely a contributing factor as it led me to develop depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts from a pretty young age

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I was bullied growing up too. It was also a part of my trauma. Its another reason why I am eager to get out of here...... So much cruelty.

 

[Lost.]

I don't know what right means bullying so i will talk about peers and school bullying. Pro suicidal tumblr blogs brainwashed me so I became suicidal because of bullying trauma although i hadn't been it before but it had given me a lot of depression.
I am not sucidal because of that anymore. I am suicidal because of other reasons.

 

[madbananas]

Absolutely. Not so much directly but the effects from it. I felt a freak in school because of this. I also stuck up for other people getting bullied, and even they cast me out. Now I trauma bond. Never been in a relationship. Always feel like an outsider no matter what. I'm sorry you were bullied too.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yes. Not only was I bullied at school for being a "nerd", but I had to come home and be bullied by my dad, too.
That's the bullying that really hurt me - the bullying from my dad.
I have never had self esteem or confidence or a sense of self-worth because of him.
All he ever did was tear me down. Never built me up. Just made me feel like a worthless piece of shit from the time I was 5 years old.
That motherfucker broke my will, broke my spirit, and made sure I stayed broken.
My life has been shit because of him.

 

[faust]

I heard a story about one kid from my home town who CTB because of bullying by his brother. In his final note he wrote that in his death his brother is guilty.
Bullying is a hidden violence, toxic environment kills.

 

[noaccount]

Hi Squiddy. Uh yeah. I think I'm somewhat older than you, and it hasn't gotten a whole lot easier, but it gets weirder? It gets curiouser? There's more craxy out there than people's petty power-trips can account for.

 

[K-O]

Yes. Not only was I bullied at school for being a "nerd", but I had to come home and be bullied by my dad, too.
That's the bullying that really hurt me - the bullying from my dad.
I have never had self esteem or confidence or a sense of self-worth because of him.
All he ever did was tear me down. Never built me up. Just made me feel like a worthless piece of shit from the time I was 5 years old.
That motherfucker broke my will, broke my spirit, and made sure I stayed broken.
My life has been shit because of him.

Fuck parents!!!! Not only my mum "bullied" me and broke me as you say my dad was an enabling accomplice and just fed me to the wolf! The last thing was when my godfather died (he molested me etc) and left me money in his will she stole it from me! So- that cunt conditions me from birth to endure violence- Then choose an alcoholic addict pedophile as my godfather- then steals my money!! Just fucking Lol ! Genius!

 

[Squiddy]

Just got diagnosed with PTSD because of my bullying past and was put on Prazosin. So far, no more nightmares of my past :)

 

[Iwantoknow]

I am glad to hear that you are not experiancing nightmares anymore since then.

As of topic, I can relate of being bullied in school. I was most akward kid in class and did experiance lot of cruelty because of that. There is things I am dealing with even years after.

 

[meerpasta]

I was bullied too, and my parents neglected me at the same time, I have no self esteem and can barely trust anyone anymore. As a little kid I had no idea this terrible environment would affect me so much, I just assumed I had to power through it then I'll be happy and confident once I get to live a life. Now I'm here instead.

I wish adults wouldn't let kids get away with it under the guise of it being "bullying" instead of straight up calling it what it is, verbal and physical abuse. It's illegal for adults to abuse each other, but kids in school get away with it all the time, and that's during everyone's most important formative years for their personalities which creates lasting damage to their psyches.

 

[Suez]

I was bullied relentlessly as a kid due to my family being poor. Comments about my clothing, how I was dirty, how I stunk. My mum worked 7 days a week to put food on the table for us and to send us to the best schools. I was so proud of her. I cud never understand why they were saying those things. It was a rich schol.The kids drove to school in BMWs etc, went on skiing hols etc but I never felt like I was missing out but for them I was the lowest of the low. It hurt tho you know. I never had any friends. I got better at handling it over the years but I've found over the last few years my tolerance for it has grown really thin. My ability to deal with it now when people bully me is also so different. I let it get to me now. I hate that I let it get to me. Worse is the people that bully who are completely blind to their bullying. Who talk about how much they detest bullies and how cowardly they are and they dole out advice on how to deal with them and only two days before they laid out the worst personal attack on you and their oblivious. One day eh, one day.