Does anyone else want people to feel bad that you ctb

[neutralmilk]

I feel so guilty about this and idk if I wholeheartedly think this, but part of me wants the friends and ppl that betrayed me to feel bad if I ctb. I do genuinely want to do it for my own reasons but I selfishly think I want people to regret how they treated me. Sometimes I even think about mentioning specific people in my note. But I also don't want anyone else to want to ctb because of mine. I just want ppl to be like maybe we should be nicer to people because this is what happens. I am also a part of an internship for disabled people that only hired me so I could be tokenized. They treat me like shit and I kinda want it to also be a call out to performative programs like that.

Am I alone in thinking this way?

 

[Mr.Black]

I do feel like that sometimes as well. After a while, I came to a self-reflection that it's pretty shallow of myself to have such a mindset. I rationalized that it's simply below me for other people's attitudes toward me to have such an impact on me own psyche.

I still have such thoughts from time to time, although rarely. Still feel like shit though, so idk if this has any real significance in the grand scheme of things.

 

[wljourney]

Calling out a program that is only using as a forefront is fair game imo.

Calling out people directly is a fine line - not because you will make them feel bad - but because it will help them to argue you that you didn't know what you were doing or saying. Words of a crazy person etc etc.

People won't inflect on something you write. Very few will sit down and wonder if they could have done better.
Most simply do not care enough.
They do what they think is right and will always defend their action (or inaction).

So, draft something maybe and let it sit for a bit and read again a while later how it sounds. Maybe share the odd paragraph and see what the forum thinks.

Ask " would this change a person's perspective or just cause them to defend their actions?"

What do you think?

 

[neutralmilk]

Calling out a program that is only using as a forefront is fair game imo.

Calling out people directly is a fine line - not because you will make them feel bad - but because it will help them to argue you that you didn't know what you were doing or saying. Words of a crazy person etc etc.

People won't inflect on something you write. Very few will sit down and wonder if they could have done better.
Most simply do not care enough.
They do what they think is right and will always defend their action (or inaction).

So, draft something maybe and let it sit for a bit and read again a while later how it sounds. Maybe share the odd paragraph and see what the forum thinks.

Ask " would this change a person's perspective or just cause them to defend their actions?"

What do you think?

You're right. I honestly don't know I am ok with wanting them to feel this way but I know they would not have to be mentioned in a note to feel guilty about it

 

[Sleeper System]

People that do bad things should be made to feel bad about it.
The lack of accountability is not your responsibility to uphold.
Fuck them. You can't control what your words will do but you have every right to voice them.
Whatever happens happens.

 

[BlazingBob]

Yes I do hope some people feel bad, in particular the people who have completely abandoned me. Nobody wants to be around a sick person. Two extremely close friends, one I've known since kindergarten and the other since 9th grade won't give me the time of day. They don't even respond to texts anymore. Like all those years meant nothing. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I don't even try anymore. My mom never calls me. I always have to make the effort and when she does actually pickup she cuts me off after a few minutes saying she has to go. If there weren't notification of next of kin it could be years or never that people found out I was gone. I wonder if I can request that no one be notified? For the record this issue has nothing to do with me ctb. Well, maybe a tiny bit

 

[neutralmilk]

Yes I do hope some people feel bad, in particular the people who have completely abandoned me. Nobody wants to be around a sick person. Two extremely close friends, one I've known since kindergarten and the other since 9th grade won't give me the time of day. They don't even respond to texts anymore. Like all those years meant nothing. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I don't even try anymore. My mom never calls me. I always have to make the effort and when she does actually pickup she cuts me off after a few minutes saying she has to go. If there weren't notification of next of kin it could be years or never that people found out I was gone. I wonder if I can request that no one be notified? For the record this issue has nothing to do with me ctb. Well, maybe a tiny bit

I totally relate. Im honestly sick of the rise of individualism that has caused ppl to set "boundaries" that a actually mean they don't want to do anything required in a friendship. they don't want friends, just ppl to have fun with. I lost a friendship and the last straw was her cancelling on me the day of for my bday dinner and lied about the reasoning. then my other friend who knew about this just did the same thing after ghosting me for a month. she said she was going through it and that's why she ghosted me but she has a fiancé, a mortgage, and pets. ik u can still be depressed with having that but its defiantly more than meShe has so many ppl there for her and I think its selfish that she has so many ppl but won't be there for me when im completely alone. she said she was too busy the day of and then later posted a story of her on a hike that day. the least she could have done was not post her hike on instagram. I feel so alone

 

[Argo]

I have before, so I understand this feeling. I think everyone who has been mistreated has at some point hoped the people who did the mistreatment regret it, and change for the better. The hope for people to be better in general is fine, but the problem comes when it becomes egocentric and personal:

"I want them to regret what they did to me, I want them to suffer a bit so they learn"

It very easily becomes the same posture that caused the mistreatment in the first place-- something that's so self interested that it doesn't care if it causes harm. So I wouldn't want to haunt someone with regret, if I could help it. On this subject, I would never want to be motivated to die for those kinds of reasons either, I think suicide out of spite is pretty tragic when it happens. But I don't blame anyone who does, since obviously, their suffering is a lot to deal with.

 

[neutralmilk]

I have before, so I understand this feeling. I think everyone who has been mistreated has at some point hoped the people who did the mistreatment regret it, and change for the better. The hope for people to be better in general is fine, but the problem comes when it becomes egocentric and personal:

"I want them to regret what they did to me, I want them to suffer a bit so they learn"

It very easily becomes the same posture that caused the mistreatment in the first place-- something that's so self interested that it doesn't care if it causes harm. So I wouldn't want to haunt someone with regret, if I could help it. On this subject, I would never want to be motivated to die for those kinds of reasons either, I think suicide out of spite is pretty tragic when it happens. But I don't blame anyone who does, since obviously, their suffering is a lot to deal with.

ya I know it would be a lot of suffering so I don't know if that is something I truly want for someone else. it also definitely wouldn't be my main reason but its just a side thought that sometime pops up in addition to my main reasons. I already feel guilty enough about the people who I do love cause I know I will be burdening them. I would feel really bad for my family but at this point there's just no more hope for me. I have tried so hard for so long and there's no way I will be able to live a life worth living.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I never want anyone to feel bad or be in pain, but I know that they will regardless. Sometimes I do think about that though. My only hope for them is that they'll be able to move on.

 

[foxgirl]

I think about this a lot too; you definitely aren't alone. Honestly, as bad as it sounds, I envision what my documentary/episode would be like, what pictures of me they'd use, if they'd cry on camera talking about me. When I do finally ctb, I secretly wish I could watch it. I wish I could hear what they'd have to say. I've written in my letters that I don't want them to blame themselves, because, really, at the end of the day, it was my choice. I did it. I think what you are describing is just human nature. I'm sorry you (and I) feel this way. Life is so unforgiving, isn't it

 

[Kasumi]

I'm the exact opposite of this, I don't want anyone to feel bad about my death although the reasons for that differ.
For my friends it's simple, they were the ones being good to me, they didn't do anything wrong, I would want them to be happy for me, happy that I'll be free and won't have to suffer anymore.
And of course I don't want any of them to feel like it's their fault or they could've done anything.

For the other people, the people that are partly responsible, I just don't want to grant them the satisfaction they might feel, either from my death directly or from seeing my death as a confirmation for their narrative that I'm "crazy" or something is "wrong with me".

For those people my death wouldn't get them to think anyway, if they were capable of thinking about people other than themselves they wouldn't even have ruined my life in the first place.
So I don't want them to even know about my death, I want to just disappear and leave them wondering where I am or why they're unable to reach me.
The uncertainty about whether I hate them, whether I died, had an accident, etc etc is about the most I can achieve.
I'm gonna laugh at them in the afterlife when I see them breaking their heads about this, never realising that they caused that themselves.

 

[BlackMoon]

Sometimes, I would like to see my death making a change for the lives of people like me. To see the end of stigma, etc. But I know it's fairy tail and no one would give a damn about it or they could even be joyful about it.

 

[SpencerSees]

Since I was 6! I remember kneeling on the floor in my jammies, praying that something really bad (i was too scared to say death) would happen to me, so my parents would be nicer, and my teacher wouldn't me so touchy and my friends would treat me like a person instead of a pet.
Maybe that's selfish idk lol

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Nope. I dont want anyone to feel anything if it was possible.
For those idiots who did something to hurt me on purpose or on accident, it wouldn't really change anything. Plus knowing those people they would probably not think twice about it.
Besides....I believe that people mistakenly over-emphasize their own importance.. Me included. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't value my own life enough to live it then expect others to be hurt/affected/changed by my life's absence.

 

[stuckinthemud]

I'd at least hope the GP who drugged me out of my mind (not realising I was having a severe adverse reaction until it was too late) would feel somewhat feel bad considering they sign an oath "do no harm".
Also my pos malignant narc ex partner who helped destroy my already broken brain even further. Though I doubt he would even lose a night sleep over it tbh.
I wouldn't want anyone else I know of to feel sad, bad, or anything negative.

I totally relate. Im honestly sick of the rise of individualism that has caused ppl to set "boundaries" that a actually mean they don't want to do anything required in a friendship. they don't want friends, just ppl to have fun with. I lost a friendship and the last straw was her cancelling on me the day of for my bday dinner and lied about the reasoning. then my other friend who knew about this just did the same thing after ghosting me for a month. she said she was going through it and that's why she ghosted me but she has a fiancé, a mortgage, and pets. ik u can still be depressed with having that but its defiantly more than meShe has so many ppl there for her and I think its selfish that she has so many ppl but won't be there for me when im completely alone. she said she was too busy the day of and then later posted a story of her on a hike that day. the least she could have done was not post her hike on instagram. I feel so alone

A lot of people are arseholes I've learned

 

[k1w1]

Yes I do hope some people feel bad, in particular the people who have completely abandoned me. Nobody wants to be around a sick person. Two extremely close friends, one I've known since kindergarten and the other since 9th grade won't give me the time of day. They don't even respond to texts anymore. Like all those years meant nothing. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I don't even try anymore. My mom never calls me. I always have to make the effort and when she does actually pickup she cuts me off after a few minutes saying she has to go. If there weren't notification of next of kin it could be years or never that people found out I was gone. I wonder if I can request that no one be notified? For the record this issue has nothing to do with me ctb. Well, maybe a tiny bit

Leave town and give yourself the life you want.

 

[onemorenight]

My sister told me to ctb, twice. So I do want her to feel a little bad when she hears I've finally done it aha. Just so she... learns to be more careful with her words. They stuck with me.

But ultimately, no. I don't want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad.. which is why I'm not leaving any notes or telling anyone. I have removed myself from the lives of pretty much everyone that's ever known me. Barely anyone would even realise I was gone. Which is preferred.

I don't wish to make anyone feel bad.. my absence is punishment enough

 

[Thanksforeverything]

When I CTB, I really hope that the people who remember me will be happy that I'm going to a better place. That I'm no longer suffering. I could ask for nothing more. I don't harbor any real resentment or animosity towards anyone but myself. I wasn't always nice to the people around me, and I lashed out at people when I felt down and I regret it. At least when I'm gone, noone else will be hurt just for the virtue of being close to someone like me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think the people that do the very worst things are probably incapable of feeling that bad. They are quite possibly narcissists and sociopaths. They have their own little version of life going on in their heads where they are the hero's and never did anything wrong. In fact- they often see themselves or- at least portray themselves as the victims.

I wouldn't be surprised if they turn even a suicide on its head to be some undeserved (of course) dig at them. Plus- the story will change because now, they have more control of the narrative. They can now become the grieving loved one that is going through this monumental loss and deserves lots of sympathy and admiration for how well they're bearing up.

I guess I think in general terms- I hope that suicides are a clear indicators to people in power- our politicians and parents that- people are desperately struggling and unhappy in this world that they have created. You'd hope it would make them look at the lives people are forced to lead now. Still- I don't hold out much hope there either to be honest! The people in charge likely live in their own protected bubbles. They likely would only really start to care if it started affecting them.

Plus- humans will go on reproducing most likely. Some with good intentions. The ones with the best intentions probably won't even have children to spare them life's lottery. Others that don't give a shit or, have bad intentions will likely reproduce the most! So- while it's appealing that a suicide could be some force for good- forcing people to change, I kind of doubt they usually do that.

Depends though. A whole spate of suicides or even a mass of workers threatening to commit suicide can shed light on unfair working conditions- eg. the Foxconn factory in China. There have been other individuals that have named and shamed the lack of benefits and healthcare resources in their notes. I expect a suicide note is the best chance of naming and shaming but probably- only if the press take an interest.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but your death would unlikely to change anything job wise. Corporations are pure evil and profit motivated. Nestle killed thousands of babies in Africa. The British healthcare system (public) indirectly kills thousands of transgender people. The American healthcare system kills all poor people, but it's still in place and going strong.

 

[FutureHanger]

Nope. I dont want anyone to feel anything if it was possible.
For those idiots who did something to hurt me on purpose or on accident, it wouldn't really change anything. Plus knowing those people they would probably not think twice about it.
Besides....I believe that people mistakenly over-emphasize their own importance.. Me included. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't value my own life enough to live it then expect others to be hurt/affected/changed by my life's absence.

you got such a logical approach to things it's impressive I like to think I'm fairly good at distinguishing my emotions from facts but you're really good at it!

 

[Slow_Farewell]

you got such a logical approach to things it's impressive I like to think I'm fairly good at distinguishing my emotions from facts but you're really good at it!

Aw, thank you! I know your words just released a bunch of chemical impulses in my brain to make it feel happy and it doesn't really change anything(not your words itself), but the feels is nice from time to time.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Sometimes I think that way, but its just a fantasy, the reality is, those people will feel glad that they won and I'm was finally gone.