does anyone else want a method that has an equal chance of failing or working?

[PrincessInWhite]

I know this sounds crazy, bear with me...

I hate that I even have to die honestly, I feel like I could potentially be happy if I weren't forced to work like a dog until I die or risk poverty and social ostracization.

I feel like whatever method I choose I will always be sad doing it and want something that could potentially go either way, as in leaving it up to fate in a way? Nott that I'd halfasss the attempt or anything, but I just would wanna go into it knowing it was up to fate to decide. That's why I'm so obsessed with finding a method that isn't likely to cause permanent damage if it fails.

interested in hearing from people who can relate in some way

 

[Life_and_Death]

i can relate. i dont want to die. lately ive actually been a fairly happy person and i have a bunch of projects on the go. but its like i said i dont want to die, ive just had enough of my disorders.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

i can relate. i dont want to die. lately ive actually been a fairly happy person and i have a bunch of projects on the go. but its like i said i dont want to die, ive just had enough of my disorders.

nice to know I'm not alone but I'm so sorry you feel the same!! <3 I feel similar, with my disorders I doubt I'll ever be happy especially with how brutally hard I'll have to work and how much I'll have to sacrifice to make a living, it just doesn't feel worth it to me sadly.

 

[Nymph]

I had brief moments where I felt like this. Because when I opened up to my mom about my being suicidal she started treating me more nicely. And was more "gentle" and like careful..idk how to explain it but I liked how she was. Some time after I stopped talking about it she's back to normal and I feel like I have to make a suicide attempt to prove her that I'm suicidal which I am. Life's hard for me and it's just so hard staying alive and surviving all this stupid shit

 

[Life_and_Death]

I had brief moments where I felt like this. Because when I opened up to my mom about my being suicidal she started treating me more nicely. And was more "gentle" and like careful..idk how to explain it but I liked how she was. Some time after I stopped talking about it she's back to normal and I feel like I have to make a suicide attempt to prove her that I'm suicidal which I am. Life's hard for me and it's just so hard staying alive and surviving all this stupid shit

thinking about it, that interests me about people. not you specifically but you see people saying "i told....." and then they act spiteful towards them making the suicidal person feel like they have to prove that they are. that wasnt explained very well but basically you have the suicidal person staying alive for someone but that someone is basically saying prove your suicidal before ill help you. it sounds like a conflicting situation to be in

 

[GravityUtilizer]

You mean like Russian roulette?

I could see some appeal. You'd presumably either feel more alive or else nothing at all.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

You mean like Russian roulette?

I could see some appeal. You'd presumably either feel more alive or else nothing at all.

that last line, YES. exactly this, thanks for helping me find words. I definitely will not play russian roulette haha I would not wanna live after taking a direct shot to the head but that's the exact sentiment

 

[Mr2005]

No one wants to die they just want the pain to stop. I wish there was another way and there was at one point but that ship has sailed and it's the worst feeling in the world. Or maybe second after a failed attempt, I wouldn't know. If I'm doing it I'm doing it properly. Can't risk making it any worse. It's unthinkable

 

[Nymph]

thinking about it, that interests me about people. not you specifically but you see people saying "i told....." and then they act spiteful towards them making the suicidal person feel like they have to prove that they are. that wasnt explained very well but basically you have the suicidal person staying alive for someone but that someone is basically saying prove your suicidal before ill help you. it sounds like a conflicting situation to be in

Yeah it's sucks, it feels like she only believe me once when I was hysterically and very loudly ugly crying about being suicidal and then I stop taking about it and it's as if she thinks I'm all back to normal. Except I'm not and I still deal with it everyday

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah it's sucks, it feels like she only believe me once when I was hysterically and very loudly ugly crying about being suicidal and then I stop taking about it and it's as if she thinks I'm all back to normal. Except I'm not and I still deal with it everyday

Have you maybe talked to her? I kind of go off on rants to myself about my disorders trying to understand them better and my husband is typically near listening to me, so he has a pretty good idea what's going on.

 

[Disappointered]

there's always the jelly bean method

 

[PrincessInWhite]

there's always the jelly bean method

what is that?

 

[Disappointered]

It's discussed in the thread about suicide ambivalence:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/idea-for-suicide-ambivalence-syndrome.49924/

 

[PrincessInWhite]

It's discussed in the thread about suicide ambivalence:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/idea-for-suicide-ambivalence-syndrome.49924/

love this thread and this idea!! thanks for sharing!!

 

[schopenh]

This is genuinely one of the most relatable posts I've ever read!

In fact, I am so sure that the chances of an SN success far outweigh a failure that I basically am paralyzed any time I even think about thinking about doing it! Yet my life is objectively miserable :-/