Does anyone else suffer from existential depression here?

[PwincessStepford]

I have a very specific type of depression: existential depression.

I have had treatment for three years for my depression, but it was based off of conventional depression. Because of this, my depression has been treatment-resistant.

I'm really coming to the end of my rope now due to it, but before I go, I was wondering if anyone else has had any luck or just experience with it.

I don't meet people with this type of depression often, so just knowing I'm not the only one with these thoughts would bring me solace.

 

[Jean4]

I don't have it, but if you want to talk about the life or death issue that caused it, I'm here to listen. :)

 

[TheGoodGuy]

What is it? When I google it it just show stuff about "existential crisis is that the same?

 

[gambardella]

Yes, yes and yes. Although I never knew there would be an actual diagnosis for that. I'd like to hear about your experience as I know very few people affected by it.

 

[Jean4]

What is it? When I google it it just show stuff about "existential crisis is that the same?

When people talk about depression sometimes they refer to different types based upon what they think may have caused their depression. One such possible cause is existential in nature, that is, a person ends up questioning his or her life, death or meaning of life, and by doing so, lapses into depression.
According to existentialism, a specific type of philosophy, humans are driven to meaning in their lives not by a specific type of deity or god, or by an outside authority, but internally, through our own choices, desires and pursuits. Humans are entirely free, and, therefore, entirely responsible for their own happiness or misery. It is up to each one of us to create the meaning which drives our life, whether it be through work, hobbies, charity, religion, relationships, offspring, family, or something else.
Existential depression may occur when a person comes face to face with these kinds of issues of life, death, freedom and the meaning of their life. For instance, a person with existential depression might ask themselves, "What is the meaning of my life? Is it only to work 9 to 5, have a family, and then die? Will I ever find someone who truly understands and believes in me no matter what? Does god care about me? Does anyone else truly care about me?" Existential depression may be characterized by a unique sense of hopelessness in feeling that our lives may actually be meaningless.
People who experience normal clinical depression may also experience existential issues related to the meaning of their life in the course of psychotherapy to treat the depression. This is a normal component of treatment of depression, and many clinicians will often work with the person to help them explore the meaning of their life if this happens.
Finding one's meaning or passion in life is something that many people consider important, and an episode of existential depression can help focus a person's need to find an answer to that question. Existential depression is usually treated not with any type of prescription medication, but rather psychotherapy focused on helping the person explore the meaning of their life.
Existential depression may be caused by a specific event in the person's life (e.g., loss of a job or a loved one), or nothing at all. Existential depression has not been widely researched and no specific therapeutic approaches have been shown to work better than others in its treatment.

Yes, yes and yes. Although I never knew there would be an actual diagnosis for that. I'd like to hear about your experience as I know very few people affected by it.

There isn't a specific DSM V diagnosis for it. It is known, but not widely agreed upon.
Like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Some recognize it, some do not.

 

[PwincessStepford]

I don't have it, but if you want to talk about the life or death issue that caused it, I'm here to listen. :)

Thanks for your offer. Unfortunately, I don't really have any "issues" that caused it. It was spontaneously brought on when I discovered the field of philosophy. :/

Yes, yes and yes. Although I never knew there would be an actual diagnosis for that. I'd like to hear about your experience as I know very few people affected by it.

I'm actually not diagnosed with it (there is no official diagnosis for it), but it is very obvious to myself, other people, and even clinicians, of what I have. The therapy sessions that actually made me reconsider certain things in my mindset looked more like philosophical debates than conventional therapy sessions. And unfortunately, because most therapists aren't philosophers, they don't have the background to truly debate me nor debunk my claims.

Basically, my English teacher introduced the field of philosophy to me when I was 15. I almost immediately turned from Catholic to atheist because I realized the idea of God made no logical sense. I then went on to search for the objective meaning for existence, but was unable to find it (because spoiler, there is none), and I fell existentially depressed/suicidal by the age of 17. I would have killed myself at 18, but I tried to search for subjective meaning in life. And while I don't believe subjective meaning is impossible anymore, the odds are stacked against me. If I lacked subjective meaning in life (ie. 9-5 job, family, etc.), but there was objective meaning (ie. existence of God, a purpose to the universe, etc), then I wouldn't kill myself. But because there is no objective meaning, there are technically no right or wrong answers.

Imo, suicide is just speeding up the inevitable. As time is the equalizing agent for all of us, and all of humanity will enter a state of nonexistence (to which, when we enter, nothing we ever did when we were alive will matter).

 

[BabyYoda]

Yes, in fact I think since I've experienced it multiple times it's the only type of depression I will experience most of the time. Honestly I find it difficult to determine my purpose or meaning if I already know the truth about this fucked up world. Perhaps if I ever DO find meaning in something it would be the hobbies that I have, all by myself. I can't depend on anyone anymore.

 

[MysticPerception]

While I don't have the right to call myself depressed I do 100% agree with everything you've stated in the thread. I really just want to speed up the inevitable. I gave my life subjective meaning but it's not remotely enough for me when it's completely self instilled. Life has no real meaning. There is no point. Humans are not special we are just like every other living being in this universe.

 

[Polka]

I almost immediately turned from Catholic to atheist because I realized the idea of God made no logical sense.

If I lacked subjective meaning in life (ie. 9-5 job, family, etc.), but there was objective meaning (ie. existence of God, a purpose to the universe, etc), then I wouldn't kill myself.

I used to have this to some degree. A desire to know the truth kept me going.

It's good that you left Catholicism. I understand why you might think there is no God and there is no purpose but I see the exact opposite. It's still very hard to carry on some days but that is just the way it is.

 

[Flume]

I have a very specific type of depression: existential depression.

I have had treatment for three years for my depression, but it was based off of conventional depression. Because of this, my depression has been treatment-resistant.

I'm really coming to the end of my rope now due to it, but before I go, I was wondering if anyone else has had any luck or just experience with it.

I don't meet people with this type of depression often, so just knowing I'm not the only one with these thoughts would bring me solace.

I had it, went trough with it and am now on the other end. If you want to know how I did it PM me.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Yes, yes and yes. Although I never knew there would be an actual diagnosis for that. I'd like to hear about your experience as I know very few people affected by it.

I know what you mean. Many major religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism and Christianity have asserted that life = suffering. One would think that the clown circus known as modern psychiatry would come to the same conclusion or at least respect the fact that the Human condition is not all beer and Skittles.

 

[PwincessStepford]

I had it, went trough with it and am now on the other end. If you want to know how I did it PM me.

Oh my goodness!! Are you serious???!?! I desperately want to message you, but I don't think your settings are set to where I can message you..

 

[gambardella]

I had it, went trough with it and am now on the other end. If you want to know how I did it PM me.

I'd like to know as well please.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

When people talk about depression sometimes they refer to different types based upon what they think may have caused their depression. One such possible cause is existential in nature, that is, a person ends up questioning his or her life, death or meaning of life, and by doing so, lapses into depression.
According to existentialism, a specific type of philosophy, humans are driven to meaning in their lives not by a specific type of deity or god, or by an outside authority, but internally, through our own choices, desires and pursuits. Humans are entirely free, and, therefore, entirely responsible for their own happiness or misery. It is up to each one of us to create the meaning which drives our life, whether it be through work, hobbies, charity, religion, relationships, offspring, family, or something else.
Existential depression may occur when a person comes face to face with these kinds of issues of life, death, freedom and the meaning of their life. For instance, a person with existential depression might ask themselves, "What is the meaning of my life? Is it only to work 9 to 5, have a family, and then die? Will I ever find someone who truly understands and believes in me no matter what? Does god care about me? Does anyone else truly care about me?" Existential depression may be characterized by a unique sense of hopelessness in feeling that our lives may actually be meaningless.
People who experience normal clinical depression may also experience existential issues related to the meaning of their life in the course of psychotherapy to treat the depression. This is a normal component of treatment of depression, and many clinicians will often work with the person to help them explore the meaning of their life if this happens.
Finding one's meaning or passion in life is something that many people consider important, and an episode of existential depression can help focus a person's need to find an answer to that question. Existential depression is usually treated not with any type of prescription medication, but rather psychotherapy focused on helping the person explore the meaning of their life.
Existential depression may be caused by a specific event in the person's life (e.g., loss of a job or a loved one), or nothing at all. Existential depression has not been widely researched and no specific therapeutic approaches have been shown to work better than others in its treatment.

I already know what existential nihilism is just never heard it described as " existential depression" but I guess it makes sense and is self explanatory but I was drunk yesterday it was a little hard to put two and two together.

But I feel the same way having existential nihlism/depression but I also suffer from many physical problems and mental ones as well including apathy and anhedonia and a lot of what you describes I can relate to and have even made threads about I also got aspergers and feel as if I am still a teenager so when you mention stuff like working 9 to 5 having family kids and all that shit that isn´t for me I will always have the mindset of a teenager to live young wild and free to LIVE a carefree life as we did in childhood and teenage years but now that I am turning 26 in a few months I am at an age where everyone I used to know; friends and aquintances are grown up and more mature and many even have kids which scares the shit out of me because I don´t want these previous friends to have kids I want to be a kid myself and I want them to be too like we used to be all those years ago back when life was paradise on Earth.

The big problem that you also mentioned was having a passion because that gives meaning to life but because of my apathy and anhedonia I don´t feel anything I am not passionate about anything anymore and then people say over and over again "you just need to find something you like" but they are so ignorant and don´t understand with apathy you can´t feel anything so it´s not "just get a new hobby" because I can´t feel.

And to the teenage stuff I said before I actually feel I have lived a full life because I lived a happy childhood that was heaven on Earth and some exciting teenage years so all the rest in "life" is to get an education then a job wife and kids and I don´t consider that a life it is boring, mundane trvial existence it´s not fun or exciting like life used to be even if I took the apathy away I would only be "living" maybe 5% of a life I used to so when life used to be at 100% happiness why would I settle with 5% just to feel content? I don´t see any meaning with that.

 

[Alec]

When people talk about depression sometimes they refer to different types based upon what they think may have caused their depression. One such possible cause is existential in nature, that is, a person ends up questioning his or her life, death or meaning of life, and by doing so, lapses into depression.
According to existentialism, a specific type of philosophy, humans are driven to meaning in their lives not by a specific type of deity or god, or by an outside authority, but internally, through our own choices, desires and pursuits. Humans are entirely free, and, therefore, entirely responsible for their own happiness or misery. It is up to each one of us to create the meaning which drives our life, whether it be through work, hobbies, charity, religion, relationships, offspring, family, or something else.
Existential depression may occur when a person comes face to face with these kinds of issues of life, death, freedom and the meaning of their life. For instance, a person with existential depression might ask themselves, "What is the meaning of my life? Is it only to work 9 to 5, have a family, and then die? Will I ever find someone who truly understands and believes in me no matter what? Does god care about me? Does anyone else truly care about me?" Existential depression may be characterized by a unique sense of hopelessness in feeling that our lives may actually be meaningless.
People who experience normal clinical depression may also experience existential issues related to the meaning of their life in the course of psychotherapy to treat the depression. This is a normal component of treatment of depression, and many clinicians will often work with the person to help them explore the meaning of their life if this happens.
Finding one's meaning or passion in life is something that many people consider important, and an episode of existential depression can help focus a person's need to find an answer to that question. Existential depression is usually treated not with any type of prescription medication, but rather psychotherapy focused on helping the person explore the meaning of their life.
Existential depression may be caused by a specific event in the person's life (e.g., loss of a job or a loved one), or nothing at all. Existential depression has not been widely researched and no specific therapeutic approaches have been shown to work better than others in its treatment.

There isn't a specific DSM V diagnosis for it. It is known, but not widely agreed upon.
Like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Some recognize it, some do not.

THIS! This is EXACTLY what I have! HOLLY FUCK!!! I never thought anyone would ever be able to put this into words! And I honestly felt like I was the only one seeing things this way!!!
You are not alone, I'm in the same boat.
And thank you for putting this into words and for starting this conversation guys!

 

[Jean4]

THIS! This is EXACTLY what I have! HOLLY FUCK!!! I never thought anyone would ever be able to put this into words! And I honestly felt like I was the only one seeing things this way!!!
You are not alone, I'm in the same boat.
And thank you for putting this into words and for starting this conversation guys!

It is not an actual illness, and isn't recognized by the AMA, and doesn't have a DSM diagnosis.

Sort of like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Some doctors believe it exists, others do not.

 

[hatelife]

Thanks for your offer. Unfortunately, I don't really have any "issues" that caused it. It was spontaneously brought on when I discovered the field of philosophy. :/


I'm actually not diagnosed with it (there is no official diagnosis for it), but it is very obvious to myself, other people, and even clinicians, of what I have. The therapy sessions that actually made me reconsider certain things in my mindset looked more like philosophical debates than conventional therapy sessions. And unfortunately, because most therapists aren't philosophers, they don't have the background to truly debate me nor debunk my claims.

Basically, my English teacher introduced the field of philosophy to me when I was 15. I almost immediately turned from Catholic to atheist because I realized the idea of God made no logical sense. I then went on to search for the objective meaning for existence, but was unable to find it (because spoiler, there is none), and I fell existentially depressed/suicidal by the age of 17. I would have killed myself at 18, but I tried to search for subjective meaning in life. And while I don't believe subjective meaning is impossible anymore, the odds are stacked against me. If I lacked subjective meaning in life (ie. 9-5 job, family, etc.), but there was objective meaning (ie. existence of God, a purpose to the universe, etc), then I wouldn't kill myself. But because there is no objective meaning, there are technically no right or wrong answers.

Imo, suicide is just speeding up the inevitable. As time is the equalizing agent for all of us, and all of humanity will enter a state of nonexistence (to which, when we enter, nothing we ever did when we were alive will matter).

there is a scientist that calculated the odds of God existing https://www.theguardian.com/education/2004/mar/08/highereducation.uk1
I might still do it even if there is one, I hope he is forgiving because sometimes the pain is just to much to bear, really its hell here sometimes

 

[Alec]

It is not an actual illness, and isn't recognized by the AMA, and doesn't have a DSM diagnosis.

Sort of like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Some doctors believe it exists, others do not.

Well it's only one of the things I have, but it is the most important one to me, if it wasn't for that I would be able to deal with everything else. I've also got bipolar, depression because of the shit that happened to me and my current situation, PTSD and anxiety with very severe episodes, psychotic episodes... but it doesn't really matter to me personally that they don't see existencial depression as a real illness I'm not looking for a doctors help anyway so... sad for others in my situation who might try to find some understanding with the doctors though.

 

[Pan]

Existential depression isn't specific to the meaning of life: ALL depression is, arguably, existential in nature, in that it focuses on MEANING or the lack thereof, whether it be life in general or specifics. CTB, for example, isn't so much a psychological choice but an existential choice.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

If the conlusion is : FUCK LIFE.. then yeah I got this too...lol

 

[Science Is Scary]

I thought at one point that I had depression caused by existential thoughts. Now I'm more inclined to think it was the depression that was causing my existential thoughts. Or they had a common cause. Or they're influencing each other.

I also didn't respond well to treatment. Therapy was somewhat a waste for my particular issues since I had to pay a lot for it. But I think therapy can work for people with the right kind of personality and problems.

I started investigating other possibilities like the cluster of symptoms known as the schizophrenia spectrum or Cluster A. I don't have the hallucinations of schizophrenia, but I do have some other relevant symptoms like anhedonia (loss of pleasure), formal speech, preference to be alone and poor motivation.

I suspect I was misdiagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. For me, the Wikipedia article on Schizoid felt like I was reading a biography of myself. There are other possibilities though.

I'm hoping that perspective and other medical perspectives will help me find other treatment options.

 

[GoingSoonish]

I have this type of depression and can relate to everything you have said. I have always had it but it has been exacerbated by certain books that I have read (e.g. "The Last Messiah" by Peter Zapffe, "On the Heights of Despair" by Emil Cioran and "The Conspiracy Against the Human Race" by Thomas Ligotti). I don't see the point in continuing on when there is no objective meaning. I could try if my life was tolerable, but it is far from that and experience has taught me that it will always be like this.

 

[Pan]

I suffer from depression; the label existential is secondary to the diagnosis.

 

[PwincessStepford]

Yes! I'm a depressive person and also my penis doesn't work properly. I feel nothing during sex. It's very bad.

lol wut. That has nothing to do with existential depression.

 

[azucaramargo]

I thought at one point that I had depression caused by existential thoughts. Now I'm more inclined to think it was the depression that was causing my existential thoughts. Or they had a common cause. Or they're influencing each other.

I also didn't respond well to treatment. Therapy was somewhat a waste for my particular issues since I had to pay a lot for it. But I think therapy can work for people with the right kind of personality and problems.

I started investigating other possibilities like the cluster of symptoms known as the schizophrenia spectrum or Cluster A. I don't have the hallucinations of schizophrenia, but I do have some other relevant symptoms like anhedonia (loss of pleasure), formal speech, preference to be alone and poor motivation.

I suspect I was misdiagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. For me, the Wikipedia article on Schizoid felt like I was reading a biography of myself. There are other possibilities though.

I'm hoping that perspective and other medical perspectives will help me find other treatment options.

 

[Deleted-User-0]

I had it, went trough with it and am now on the other end. If you want to know how I did it PM me.

I tried to PM you but no luck

 

[Pan]

Dn't Know why pm was unsuccessful: I always get pms. Try again, if you wish to.
I suffer from existential depression, which complicates matters considerably. When a person has lost personal meaning, all things come into question. With death hovering nearby, the search for purpose, for MEANING, becomes a matter of personal survival.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Dn't Know why pm was unsuccessful: I always get pms. Try again, if you wish to.
I suffer from existential depression, which complicates matters considerably. When a person has lost personal meaning, all things come into question. With death hovering nearby, the search for purpose, for MEANING, becomes a matter of personal survival.

Pwincess is no longer with us.

 

[dyingtodie]

I definitely have existential depression. I feel that I am a 'wanderer' someone not of this Earth. I've felt like an ET since very little, and life just seems to be confirming this more and more...I came here to share love, light, peace...things that are not wanted here by the virus (humanity) that has taken over this planet and most likely killed the planet by shitting in it's own nest.
If I had known that a moth was going to fly into my boiling pot of pasta when I opened the lid and ctb....I never would have made another 'last meal' for myself. Fuck my life.