Does anyone else mourn themselves?

[issyishere]

I feel like all of us here tend to have varying levels of wanting to ctb on a daily basis. Today mine seems sky high and i was laying in bed contemplating my life. It's so saddening to me that none of chose to go down this path in life. None of us asked to be here, to search how to end their own lives without any pain. Yet here we are, all of us, trying to support eachother and find the perfect way to leave. It's incredibly beautiful and sad at the same time.

 

[Ark]

I mourn the life I lived so long ago. Before my health, and all the rest of the pain. I do not mourn the life I live now at all though.

 

[Jean4]

I understand. At 51 none of my dreams came true. I only wanted in my life was to be a stay at home mom. Never wanted to work. Actually went to college not to get a degree, but honestly to find a husband.

Then, out of the blue at age 51, I come on a suicide forum to learn how to kill myself. I found a person if I found on the outside, I may have lived out the rest of my life with. Instead, he CTB.

No. None of us asked to be put in this situation. None of us wanted all our dreams to be crushed.

Some are dealt a good hand in life, and unfortunately there are the misfits like us who were dealt the other.

Which is why I am glad this forum of Misfit CTBRS is here. Only people who are in our situation can understand.

 

[mathieu]

I'm grieving the way things turned out, not necessarily the fact of an early death.

 

[issyishere]

I'm grieving the way things turned out, not necessarily the fact of an early death.

That's exactly what sucks, Life is unfair and all of us here got dealt a bad hand.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've been mourning myself since I was born. Going through childhood abuse, bullying, and having a difficult time managing emotions and thoughts just made it that much easier to mourn myself.

 

[Mr2005]

Yes and I do it to Vangelis

 

[Jean4]

Yes and I do it to Vangelis

 

[snipinground]

yeah, esp knowing sometimes you could have changed things or maybe been a different person. thinking maybe you could prevent your own suffering

 

[OreoWellington]

Fuck yes. You know what is funny that I did once? I once used to be a heavy lurker on a suicide survivors forum and made an actual post mourning myself on there. xD Of course, they like to shoo away the actual living suicidals whenever a few have appeared on there. I have witnessed it myself.

 

[Jean4]

Fuck yes. You know what is funny that I did once? I once used to be a heavy lurker on a suicide survivors forum and made an actual post mourning myself on there. xD Of course, they like to shoo away the actual living suicidals whenever a few have appeared on there. I have witnessed it myself.

Sounds horrible. Stay here lol.

 

[Grandexit]

I mourn for the little kid I was. I'm just always so shocked and saddened by how horrifically cruel and negligent people can be towards children.

 

[snipinground]

I mourn for the little kid I was. I'm just always so shocked and saddened by how horrifically cruel and negligent people can be towards children.

yeah, i see the way parents treat their children out in public especially when im at work and think about how bad it is behind closed doors. i see myself in a lot of them and its so painful to know they might end up like us, looking at kids that will be like them. its a never ending cycle that really makes you hate it all. i dont think some people realize how much they can effect their own kids or maybe they dont care because its not them. maybe even the weird sense of ownership absuive families feel causes it too, but it makes me so fucking upset sometimes.

 

[Blue Moon]

I can't stand this romanticization of depression. It's anything but beautiful.

 

[Sensei]

I used to mourn myself and curse my past, but then I died on the inside and stopped caring. Now I only try to stay alive.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I absolutely do. I look at old pictures of myself and mourn the death of that woman because she had been long gone and died long ago. It's a surreal eerie feeling.

 

[k75]

I'm stuck in a grief cycle, mourn myself constantly.

 

[noctiva]

I mourn my life that I've lost, I don't mourn myself, there's nothing left worth to mourn.

 

[BorderingDeath]

I mourn for the death of my dreams. I mourn the spirits of the artists, writers, poets, and filmmakers that I'm abandoning. Sometimes I even mourn the daughter I could never have, or the son that never will be. Mourn for that man who could love, give guidance, teach, and not repeat the sins of my fathers before me.

I don't mourn the child I used to be. All I have is contempt and violence for him. I never did have a childhood, or I did, but just never remembered any of it. There are no rose coloured glasses when I look to the past.

 

[Emily123]

I am sure 100% . it is even possible to do it before Christmas

 

[waterbottleman]

No, I mourn how my ctb will impact my family.

i feel at peace when I think about my death.

 

[passenger27]

I mourn who I used to be, not who I am now. Now I'm just another lost soul constantly on SS, looking for a way out. I don't mourn things like that anymore, I'm sort of numb and indifferent to it all now.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I can't stand this romanticization of depression. It's anything but beautiful.

I agree!

 

[Death.]

There is no justice, just us. Ash to ashes, dust to dust.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I am mourning what could be, I could be happy. I could be living fully and now I am just rotting away.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I am mourning what could be, I could be happy. I could be living fully and now I am just rotting away.

I totally feel that. Same. In wish I knew what else to do or even say.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I don't know.
When I was young and strong I lived life like an adventurer. But I was also a drunken arrogant fool.
Now I believe I'm better in some ways as I've learned so much. But I'm weak and useless and slowly fading from life as my alcoholic past catches up with my failing health.
I hate the person I was for his arrogance but I had a wild time. I hope I'm a wiser person now but I hate being so helpless.
I guess you can't have it all.

 

[Emily123]

Yes . I do . My life was a tragedy and my death will be a tragedy too . I don't have time to write what people did to me . But it could be one of the sad stories in the world . Sometimes I listen to music and remember what happened . it will look like I killed my self . But in reality , I will be murdered . Those surgeons who botch mt face for money killed me . All those people who did not let me to live my life , murdered me .

 

[mediocre]

I mourn the life I could have had instead of this one.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I mourn my child self constantly. I'm sorry for what was done to her by her family and toxic residents of her town.
I'm sorry ______, you deserved better :(